Monthly Archives: November 2021

21

Begin

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beginningBeginnings can be challenging. You aren’t yet privy to all of the nuances that make a job or task work with as little resistance as possible. This experience is true of a new home, a new job, a new relationship, any time you are beginning anything at all! It is true with life. Beginnings are both terrifying and exhilarating, like climbing a mountain. As you take your first tentative steps, it might seem impossible, but with persistence, you can reach any summit.

Most people don’t have someone who can guide them or fill them in on what to expect in this adventure called life. As you go through its stages, there are many experiences you will have to deal with to feel normal. Some tests seem pointless at the moment, but the value is only revealed to you years later. There are many things to learn in life, and one of the most important is who you exactly are. That is the real new beginning. To realize you have a chance to learn everything.

Beginning of Your Education

constant educatonAs you may have figured out, the beginning of your education did not start when you entered kindergarten, and it didn’t end when you graduated from high school, college, grad school, etc. The rudiments of academics were a tool to reward, develop, and learn how to learn. But the joke was on us. The real lessons were not the subjects but the space surrounding them. The people, relationships, and thoughts you were exposed to along the way. These tests are the ones we continue to be faced with throughout our journey.

Life is a consistent educational experience that teaches its lessons with the cold and hard slap of trial and error. We try, we fail, we learn, we plan, we try again. Continually it goes on, and those that are lucky learn quickly, and those who don’t may lag, and the lag can be pretty painful. The great thing is that as long as you are alive, you will always have a chance to catch on and make up for the lost time. Learning is an equal opportunity activity available for any fertile mind. Allow yours to grasp it—no matter what age, you can still learn every day.

Beginning to Accept Ourselves

weaknessGoing along with school and learning, you will find out early and often that a consistent theme in life is making mistakes. How we view mistakes is going to determine what type of learners we are. We can allow them to define us, or see them for what they are, valuable learning experiences. Too many people fear mistakes as a personal indictment of their character and talent. All an error is, especially in an academic setting, is a chance to learn. Learn and reach goals, achieve accomplishments, grow your mind, and experience.

Mistakes are often hard masters that sear their lessons into your existence. It doesn’t take too many hearts wrenching; face slaps of reality to know that some mistakes don’t need to be made more than once. Life will continually flog you with the same mistakes if you are a slow learner until you finally get the lesson. Don’t worry about developing perfection because you will continue to make mistakes your entire life. Not letting yourself be beaten up by mistakes because of someone else’s perception of you, schedule of being, or becoming just plain miserable is the trick to enjoying life. Stand up, dust yourself off, and begin again.

Your Authentic Self

Ecstasy is simply awareness of your authentic selfEvery person is born with authentic talent or skill that belongs exclusively to them. Life appears to be a process where original you are continually covered up and often forgotten by everyone, including you. There are many ways in which this happens; outside of us, people say your authentic self isn’t good enough, is silly, unrealistic, or doesn’t fit into what is acceptable in society. “That’s nice, but you can’t make a living at it.”

The other is on the inside. As we make mistakes and fall short, we let them discourage us and attack our self-esteem. When mistakes happen, we pine away for better decisions in the past rather than learn the lesson and move on. Our authentic selves get buried underneath the harsh evaluation of “I should have done that,” or “I could have done this,” or “I would have gone there.” We pile on the blame to ourselves, and soon we only see our limitations, expecting to fall short. We are less than what we should be. Your authentic self is a talented, unique, and fantastic person. Don’t let the fear of a mistake rob you of giving your gift to the world. Whatever it may be. It is time to begin again and climb that mountain.

You Alone Can Do It

jordan qupteThe good news is that another beginning comes to most people; it is the beginning of searching for that authentic self. It may start as a gentle nudge in your soul; you may feel like things aren’t quite right. Or it may be jarred loose by a tragic event—the idea of who the violent rock slide of events suddenly uncovers you. The death of someone you cared about, the sudden and unexplained ending of a relationship, or the sudden loss of a job can force you to reevaluate where your mental state is. Is this all there is? Maybe a question you start to ask yourself in private.

I have learned that there is no one path to reach this authenticity, no one process, but many avenues that can direct different individuals to their authentic selves. Some know what their true self is all about; others have to keep searching through the rubble of regret and self-criticism until the truth is discovered like gold amid so much dirt and debris. And then begin again and start to climb that mountain all over again.

Yes, it can and will be found. We seem to spend the first half of our lives hiding this treasure, and the second half is spent trying to get back to this unique inner talent and strength that you have. You can only take this journey, some will help you along the way, but in the end, it has to be you that accepts you, your talent, and your responsibility. Then one step at a time, it is time to begin again.

“The closer you stay to emotional authenticity and people, character authenticity, the less you can go wrong. That’s how I feel now, no matter what you’re doing.” – David O. Russell

“There is a certain kind of respect for authenticity today that there wasn’t back in the days when they did ‘Cleopatra,’ where everything looked like a giant motel. People want to have it be authentic in the look and trustworthy in the way people behave.” – John Milius

“Just be what you are and speak from your guts and heart – it’s all a man has.” – Hubert Humphrey

“Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity.” – Coco Chanel

“We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.” – Barbara de Angelis

“No one man can, for any considerable time, wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which is the true one.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne

21

A Meaning

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Lives are spent constructing the person we think we ought to be. We follow advice, thoughts, and ideas taught to us from birth as to what our lives “should” look like and what we “should” do so we will be happy and prosperous. It is not until a little later in life you start to realize you bought a bad bill of goods. Why is this? Because when you do all the things they told you to do and get to the place you “should” be, you find happiness isn’t there.

Life needs to have meaning, and in my opinion, we spend too much time chasing and focusing on the wrong things rather than pursuing ambition and building castles in the air, looking for gratification from the outside. We should be seeking pleasure from the inside, which can only come from putting the acquisition of stuff to the side and searching for something that resonates on the inside. This feeling includes looking for someone else to provide happiness in your life. That is an empty vessel you can carry. It is up to you to determine where your joy comes from in your own life. Start experiencing the things that matter to you on the inside.

Who Are we?

Before you can move your life from one of ambition to one of meaning, you have to understand just what it is that carries meaning for you. It seems like an easy question, but when faced with understanding, there are barriers between you and what gives sense to you. We have been taught many false things about just who we are. We are told that our identity is wrapped around the things we have, the job we do, or what others think of us. When in reality, the opposite of these things is exact.

We are not the things we have. Accumulate all the material things in the world, and you can still feel unfulfilled and empty. Material things can’t fill the holes in our souls. Your job is an activity and not an identity. Too often, the line between our duty and our identity gets blurred, and if we take the responsibility away, we don’t know who we are. Many have gone into severe depression after they lost a job because they were so identified with it. Now it is gone, who exactly are they? You are not your job.

What others think of us can be a significant factor in the actions of many. We are programmed from birth to want to be accepted, be held up on a pedestal, and be singled out in the minds of others. The only thoughts that matter is the ones we have about ourselves. If something means a lot to you, that is all that matters. What others think is none of our business. You can never be true to yourself if you are worried about how others will view it. You are not what others think of you. That goes for those we love as well. Although we hope their opinions will be positive and supportive.

Finding Meaning

It is my experience that life lacks meaning unless it is serving an end beyond itself. This idea is challenging for our programming to comprehend. Unless what we seek has value to that outside of us, then it isn’t easy to find happiness within. Could it be as simple as looking for things that are outside of our selfish desires? We are all connected whether we like it or not. The true meaning seems to be a two-way street with the traffic of what we give and getting equal movement.

We give what we have to give to those outside of us, and we are open receivers for the things they have to send back to us. I don’t think it is productive to think you know it all because there is no way you could. Give what you can and be open to receiving from someone else. There is no better way to create a vibrant life of constant growth, caring, and happiness which will result.

Look for the things you can give to others today, not in the physical realm but in the spiritual and mental world. Kind thoughts, supportive words, understanding, and acceptance. See what you have the capacity to receive as well. Let the two-way street run clear in your life.

There will be times in life when you feel overwhelmed, confused, down, disheartened, and disregarded. Know experience is supporting you and bringing great good your way if you are open to receiving it. Sometimes we spend so much time staring at a door that was closed for us. We never see another available right behind us, behind which everything we desire is waiting. All we have to do is be open, understand it, and make an effort to walk through.

I encourage us all to take the time and look for meaning in the things we are experiencing. Try to take the view that the long game of life will be an enjoyable experience ultimately and provide you with the joy you are seeking. But you have to do your part and know what that looks like.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

“In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”

“At such a moment, it is not the physical pain which hurts the most (and this applies to adults as much as to punished children); it is the mental agony caused by the injustice, the unreasonableness of it all.”

 

21

A Purpose

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Change Improvement Development Adjust Transform Concept

Life is the most valuable thing you have. Even when your emotions bring you down and things are not very enjoyable, you still have an opportunity to allow your most positive ideas to permeate your existence. We all have down days because we are human, and in that existence comes with imperfections as a part of the bargain. But there are some things we can keep in mind which will allow us to make our lives happier and more fulfilling.  It starts with your purpose in life, and whatever that is, you are the expression of that. It is to be better than I was yesterday, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Not miles better, but at least 0.01% better.  I am not sure I accomplish this every day, but I try to, and that seems to make a difference. What is your purpose? Where does your daily focus lie?

What’s Your Offer

The people you meet in your life will take on a reflection of your projected emotional attitudes and beliefs.  If you think all people are judgmental, mean, short-sighted, and narrow-minded, then that is what you are going to see in those you meet.  If you believe that people are mostly good and are not in life for purely selfish reasons, have open minds, open hearts, and kindness, then that is what you most often will find. Think about what you are offering the world with your attitude each day, and if you doubt, look at the people they meet, they are mirroring that attitude right back at you.

What you offer the world is going to determine your experience in it. If you are focused on yourself alone, what’s in it for you, and all of your thoughts revolve around you. Then the world is going to be an experience of selfishness. Conversely, suppose you look for what you can give to others in general. In that case, the world is a kind, open place with a seemingly unlimited reservoir of adventure and exciting happenings. This happens because you offer the world your best self and look for what you can contribute, not for what you can take.  Make your best offer to the world every day, even when you don’t feel like it.

Choices  Made

Our lives are a consequence of our decisions from the day we were capable of choice until the day it all ends. When you see something that isn’t quite where you want to be, it is easy to point the finger at this factor or that person, but the truth is the responsibility for it all lies right in the mirror, staring back at you.  Your current employment is a result of your choices, as the future employment you are going to have will be. Your relationships are a result of your preferences as well. If you are angry or hurt, it is your choice to speak of it or bury it underneath.  Things that are hidden underneath never stay there and seem to cause all sorts of problems in life. And life is all about choices.

The best thing is that we always have the option to make a different choice and change the direction of our life at any moment.  If you made one poor choice or ten poor choices, it is time to make a different selection if they are not serving your life.  You don’t have to complete a course on decisions or talk it over with someone else.  Make a different choice, and your life will become something different. Many say it isn’t that simple, but we become attached to our beliefs and thoughts and can’t imagine it is that simple to change. But if you give it a try, look at a choice you have been making, which doesn’t serve you, and choose a different option that will bring you towards being the person you want to be.  See what happens.

Finally

A change in choice will lead to a shift in what you are aware of and personal growth in life.  That shift in awareness can allow you to take a negative situation and see the opportunities it presents.  A job you dislike can propel you toward a career that is fulfilling and powerful. Every problem in life has contained the spark of success that can change everything for the better. We need to look at the issue as a challenge presented to make us better people and raise our awareness of our talents and skills.

As our awareness grows, we move along the path to new happiness levels and toward inner peace.  All of the issues that continually reappear give us another chance to choose a different outcome and put lessons hard-learned into practice.

“When you find your WHY, you don’t hit snooze no more! You find a way to make it happen!”- Eric Thomas

“We all have a purpose in life, and when you find yours, you will recognize it.”- Catherine Pulsifer

“Success demands singleness of purpose.” – Vince Lombardi

“Anything and everything you have experienced has been purposeful; it has brought you to where you are now.”- Lyla Vanzandt

The lessons I have learned through hard times and good times are all encapsulated in this song. One of my all-time favorites. When you dream, dream big…………

 

21

Inside to Out

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 Your inner reality and thoughts determine your outside existence.  

This sounds simple when you look at the idea that the laws of reality can’t provide any contradiction; otherwise, it would be challenging to function because everything would be continually changing.  But a more in-depth look at the law of correspondence shows us that the outer world we experience results from what is happening inside of us.  Our innermost dominant thoughts lead to the reality that we experience every day.  But more importantly, that means that if you can learn to adjust those dominant thoughts on the inside, then you can change what your outer world looks like and even the experience you have a day today.

It all comes down to the invisible power that is connected to the things we think and believe. That means it is all up to you. It’s not the economy, who you know, where you live, your history, or any other exterior factor.  It is all up to you, so the best thing we can do is take responsibility for our lives and situations and get to work, making them into something we would like to see.

Seeking Purpose

Being stuck in a situation we are not happy with can happen to anyone. Even people who appear to be successful on the outside can be unhappy with their current circumstances.  It occurs when you are not following your purpose. It could be because you have made poor decisions in the past. It could even be that you have done exactly what you thought the world wanted you to do.  Having a high-paying job is not going to make you happy automatically.  Your day-to-day actions and their alignment to your purpose will.

Seek your purpose. Everyone has purpose potential, and there is something you were put on this Earth to do. Circumstances and bad experiences may have robbed you of the opportunity to find this temporarily or even permanently if you allow it. But not using the gift or seeking your purpose doesn’t make it any less valuable or any less real.  Our feelings work to guide us, and if you are feeling unfulfilled or not at ease with your current path, then start to investigate your purpose and improve your inner world.

Shifting Your Paradigm

So as we understand how energy works through all of the laws of the Universe, we can apply them to our lives. It begins with a look in the mirror at the person that you are, the thoughts you think, and the actions you take every day because of them.  These actions are a direct result of the laws or beliefs that govern you.  Lasting and powerful change can only come from within, and your change must start there as well.  Cosmetic changes on the outside will not ease a sense of unfulfillment, unhappiness, or restlessness in your life.  It all starts by changing your inner world of thoughts, beliefs, and emotions.  Your outer world is always a reflection of your inner working, not the other way around.

The first step is to identify the limits you are perpetuating through your thoughts and beliefs.  An honest evaluation can be complex and challenging because we have placed so much on our expectations. Many have been with us since our earliest days. Changing these beliefs can seem impossible, but it is only as useless as you believe it to be.

The second is to accept responsibility for your life. Don’t blame anyone or anything else for where you are right now.  People have done things, experienced pain, circumstances have been what they are, accept responsibility for it all.  You assume all the power and can now move forward.  We can’t always control the things we experience in life, but we have 100% control how we react to them.  Take responsibility for the positive and negative things in your life.

The third is to create a vision of what you would like your outer world to look like. Visualize the things that you want to accomplish and experience.  It is impossible to reach a destination if you don’t know where you want to go. Your imagination can create this destination.  What needs to change for this vision to happen? What beliefs do you hold now that don’t comply with this vision you have created?  Changing your paradigm is not easy, but it is the only way to move into the life you want.

Look Within First, The Outside will Follow.

The process of change can happen at any moment of any day. Look inside yourself and see what you are happy with and what you would like to see differently.  Where changes are needed, then accept the actions you have to take to make them happen. Then take the efforts you have to make them happen.  If you dream of being a musician, playing an instrument is a necessary step to take.  All accomplishments have a process to follow. You have to decide if you believe you have the courage to take those steps.  That is the Universal Law of Correspondence.  As we are within, so we experience without. 

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer.

“I am here for a purpose, and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply ALL my efforts to become the highest mountain of all, and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.”- Og Mandino.

 

 

 

 

 

21

The Why

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We should all strive to have a purpose that gives our lives fuel. Days are spent either just existing or existing for a larger purpose. The goal can be to create a family, a business, a book, a political movement, a career, or any other thing that allows you to exist for a reason outside of just being you. You can constantly develop a purpose only by becoming interested in doing something and doing it.  Too often, we get wrapped up in ourselves and mere existence that the reason for this life escapes us.  But there is always a purpose. When the focus of life is selfish or achieving something outside of ourselves, we tend to sink into unhappiness, frustration, and anger. It is always better to change our view of things outside of ourselves.

What Is an Outer Purpose?

An outer purpose is going to happen outside of yourself, to create something in the future that isn’t here today.  Setting goals is a valuable tool that will fuel your actions and push you to reach all of your destinations.  Make your purpose the journey, not the destination.  Too often, people look at their goals and use them as the be-all and end-all; they miss all of the valuable stuff we gather along the path. So there is no daily joy in following your purpose.  If your goal is to make a million dollars, there will be many decisions, actions, thoughts, and experiences to make.  Enjoy these as if they are your goal achieved because they will be.

Too many times, the destination becomes more important than the journey, and at that point, you are lost, and you miss out on the journey’s purpose.  You are mainly focusing on the things outside of your reality and yourself—looking for the future goal and missing out on the powerful, intelligent, beautiful things that come along the way.  We can live our whole lives this way if we aren’t careful. As children, we wait for school to end, then we will get a job, later a career, then a family, then retirement, and then death. We are waiting in each stage for the next step to bring us accomplishment and fulfillment, never feeling either of these two things because our purpose is aimed outside of ourselves. Aim your target inside.

What is Inside Purpose?

Well, it has nothing to do with where you are going. It has to do with the journey to get there. Like riding in a car, if you are not happy until you reach your destination, you miss out on the great things the ride offers. The view, music you listen to, or company you have as you ride.  How you get where you are going is vital to the development of your purpose.  We all have a consciousness, and some are more aware than others. But we choose how awake we are to our mission in our world. At this moment, it is the only thing you have for sure. To not make the best of it is foolishness.  So look at the step in your journey you are at right now and be conscious of the power it has.  You can choose to be frustrated and cynical or to learn whatever the moment has to give you. That is your purpose.

To live in the awareness of the present moment is not easy but will deepen your consciousness and provide a more fulfilled life experience. Letting the outside negativity of worry, fear, and want to dictate your behavior will lead to a life of complaining, anger, frustration, and lack. The outer journey of life may take a million steps to get where you want to go. The inner journey has only one, the level you are on right now. To see this is a purpose, and to embrace this step is the purpose. Look at your day and what you are learning or teaching. It could be specific information, or it could be an example you or somebody else is setting.

Establish all Your Purpose

Get out there and establish goals and start to follow your purpose. The external users will begin to guide you in the right direction. The fundamental meaning of enjoying each step of the way allows you to get what you need out of the everyday experience of having a purpose.  A life without ambition is a life that has no direction and is difficult to value. Look at your life and identify the things you want to be a purpose. It could be experiencing what you wish to have, building a family, a personal accomplishment, and establishing some legacy from your life.  Get a purpose and pursue it and always remember to enjoy the ride.

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost anyhow.”

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

One of my favorite videos and songs. This guy had a purpose and made this happen. We should all drive our goals to reality.

 

21

Your Elephant Rope

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What is holding you back?

Let me tell you a story about the power of your beliefs. One of the most powerful creatures in the world is being hindered by a barrier that couldn’t control me. Elephants in captivity are restrained using a simple rope tied to a small stake in the ground. This belief happens because when they are young, the elephant is connected to the same rope around its leg, and no matter how hard it tries, it can’t escape.  Eventually, the elephant gives up and accepts the belief the cable can’t be broken.  This belief sticks with them as they grow, and they never try to escape as they could if they just tried.   It makes you wonder what types of ideas you might have accepted as accurate over the years. What is limiting you today, which you could break free from if you just tried today?  Have you received an elephant rope in your life? Let’s look at some of the elephant ropes out there.

Intelligence

All people can learn. Once you set your mind on becoming something or learning about a new idea, there is nothing that can stop us.  But, too often, people allow experiences from their youth to control their abilities as adults.  A bad elementary school math class experience leads to a lifelong idea that a person is “no good at math.” Or perhaps, you were laughed at for awkwardly drawing a picture.  This experience makes you adopt the idea that you are not artistic or, worse yet, not creative.  Whatever experience you had in your education, making you feel unintelligent or untalented, is time to reexamine it and find your fundamental truth.

Too often, we get painful scars as young people, which we carry through life. Like elephant ropes restraining us from being the best, we can be at something.  If you want to know what your beliefs are, think about doing what limits you. The answers your mind gives you are your beliefs, limiting, supportive, or otherwise.  You are smart enough to solve problems, learn new information, and become whatever you want to be. Just break your elephant rope and do it.

Age

If you think you are too young or too old to do something, then your elephant rope is age.  You get a lifetime to experience the world, learn, plan, try, experiment, grow, succeed, and sometimes fail.  The only person who can allow your age to limit you is you.  Age is just a number and will restrict you as much as you let it or believe it will.  Use all of your years to live, not to accept the limits of your mind.

There is a collective story about age the world seems to accept as gospel, that we should all aspire to get old and retire on our lives to recede into the waiting arms of death gently.  I am never retiring or losing my general purpose in life because through ambition, I am living and finding meaning in living.  The truth, as I see it is, you are never too young or too old to do anything. It is only the elephant rope of perception that limits you.  If you want to try something, give it a shot and see what happens.

Can’t Make Money Doing That

One of the elephant ropes holding us back is that we have found our passion, but people will quickly point out that you will never be able to make money at it.  The idea is putting a monetary value on something that determines how worthwhile it is. Look inside of yourself and see how you feel when you’re creating that.  Photography, drawing, painting, writing, running, gardening, playing corn hole, or whatever it is that makes you feel alive.

The wise person follows their intuition towards the activity that makes them feel alive and away from the thought of how much money you can make from doing this.  The money will take care of itself when things you are creating from authenticity.   You shouldn’t plan on making money and what intelligent financial decisions you should make. But instead, don’t let the fact that you lack the final vision of financial reward stop you. It will come to you as you follow the path.  How many people never start down the road? Leaving the wealth, joy, and success they dream of never materialized.  Doing what your heart guides you toward will never steer you wrong.

LET GO OF LIMITS

Whatever thoughts you have in your mind, which are holding you back.  Are they absolute limits, or are only your elephant ropes holding you back, keeping you from being great at what you want? Maybe the roadblock in front of you is something that limits you because of your beliefs about it. Change those beliefs and see what you can do.  Life has a way of conditioning you to accept limits, and the only way to change them is to decide to do things differently.

“You begin to fly when you let go of self-limiting beliefs and allow your mind and aspirations to rise to greater heights.” ―Brian Tracy.

“Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve.” ―Mary Kay Ash.

“Learning too soon our limitations, we never learn our powers.” —Mignon McLaughlin.

“Every person takes the limits of their field of vision for the limits of the world.” —Arthur Schopenhauer.

21

Mistakes

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How have your perceived mistakes allowed you to grow as a person?

Several themes become clear to me if I pay attention to the experiences my life presents to me. No matter how smart, prepared, or skillful I am, I will make mistakes from time to time. How I deal with these things will go a long way in defining the value my life provides me and those around me. There are two clear choices to make. To accept imperfections as a part of the growth process and use them to become better at whatever I am doing. Or to hide from my mistakes in fear of what they may reveal about me to the world.

Mistakes are inevitable in any life. Some people will lie, mislead, and ignore help to avoid looking like they know something and distance themselves from a potential mistake. That is, things don’t always go perfectly, we do not know everything, and sometimes in the learning process, you have to ask questions from those with more experience about what you are trying to accomplish. Why do we do this? Why should we not do this? Those are the critical questions that can lead to some personal development today.

It has been proven that the mistakes and missteps in the process allow people to experience the most significant advances seen in the history of man. We have all learned longer-lasting and more powerful lessons from the mistakes we share than from the successes. Or at least I know I have. The classes are much more painful, and we want to avoid them in the future. All mistakes are just learning experiences; we can use to benefit us in pursuing our ultimate goals.

It’s In Our DNA

As human beings, we are descended from primitive hunter-gatherers, scratching out a living as best they could against competing groups. That was a time where a mistake could get you killed.

Although you may develop a great new hunting technique or make a brand new weapon that gave you a survival advantage, if they made a mistake, that was your life. We are hard-wired to fear our mortality. The mistakes we make today are probably not in that category, but we treat them the same. That not being perfect is going to lead to or display some fatal flaw. And, of course, our ego will tell us we can’t share this with the world, or we will be found as wanting.

It may be our own mistake or the mistake of someone else, but our instincts tell us at the moment to judge the error harshly and get away from it. Being mistake-free used to keep you alive, but it didn’t help you evolve or move to a higher level of knowledge, existence, or caring.

Brainwashed

From the moment we are old enough to understand things in the world, we are institutionalized by a public education system that provides a model of behavior it wants to see. We are rewarded for following it as correctly as we can.

Those who can’t follow are given “poor” grades and encouraged to try to conform a little bit more to the desired program. The educational system has done a great job of ensuring that creativity is abandoned for conformity at an early age and that any mistake will be considered failing. You will get F’s if your work is not mimicking the desired standard.

There are no errors allowed to express yourself as an individual or try something you are not sure about doing. Only an approved curriculum is rewarded based on learning objectives that don’t seem to create a learning process to allow all people to flourish. Our society looks for reasons that a student might not be performing to expectation, and they have prescribed drugs to help calm them down and make them “better.” A more docile and agreeable student, you will be, but not one that is necessarily true to yourself. Yes, if you make mistakes in school, you will be “educated.” Mistakes are viewed as fatal flaws in the workings of a person. Rather than as opportunities for valuable growth.

Your Judgmental Eyes

As adults, mistakes continue to be frowned upon, whether they are part of your work, personal life, or both. Everyone in the history of people is an expert at making mistakes 77777and also a victim of them.

I believe we should all strive for perfection in everything we do, but you can’t give something your all if you are worried about failing or making a mistake. Whenever you are striving to reach new ground, there is going to be a learning curve.

You may hit the mark on your first attempt, but more often than not, it might take a few attempts to master the curve. If the intent is there to improve something or try something new, you should be given a bit of leeway to master the skill. Be encouraged to ask questions, set a goal, fall, get up, and make a new plan to try again.

Yet how many people tried, failed, were criticized, and ridiculed, which led to them quitting before reaching their ultimate goal. Perhaps it was the judgmental eyes of a loved one that saw the mistake as fatal rather than just a short setback. How many people quit because of this? We fear mistakes because of what people will think about us. Even though nothing great was ever accomplished without making a few errors on the way. Mistakes are never fatal; only the choices you make because of them are.

Get Rid of Fear

74630_136307529868004_680428262_nIn my mind, there is a choice each day to live in fear or to live with love. It is essential to look at mistakes through soft eyes that understand and encourage when you look at them. When we look with judgment on the mistakes of others, we forget the humanity we have experienced in our own mistakes.

Mistakes happen, we don’t want them to, but they are never fatal. When we learn to leave the fear of falling behind us, we will be able to soar to new heights.

“Mistakes have the power to turn you into something better than you were before.” Anonymous

“Remember that life’s greatest lessons are usually learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.” Anonymous

“Don’t mention a person’s past mistakes when they are trying to change. That’s like throwing rocks at them while they are struggling to climb a mountain.” Anonymous

“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.” Oscar Wilde

“We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes; you are here now with the power to shape your day and your future.” Steve Maraboli

“You make mistakes. Mistakes don’t make you.” Maxwell Maltz

“When someone does something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right.” Anonymous

 

 

21

Monsters

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I have been running from a monster my whole life. Where does this creature come from to haunt me? What does it want from me? Sometimes it is on the far reaches of my consciousness, but inevitably it returns with a full force to the center of my existence. You know the monster I speak of because it is the same one haunting you for your entire life. It is the villain in all of our minds, the one that speaks to you, even when you don’t want to hear, saying things like, “You are not good enough.” or “You don’t deserve good things.” or “You don’t deserve to be loved like you need to be loved.” Or “You are worthless” Or any other negative message you think about yourself in your mind. For that is, the greatest demon we have to face in our lives has been created by ourselves, and the harder we run, the more power it has over us. There is a way to move past the monster and find a better version of yourself.

Know Your Monster

Our demons have been developing throughout our lives, and with each painful moment that caused us to suffer, the monster gained power because we looked at those moments and feared them. Allowing these experiences to push us away from liking who we are and the lives we can create. You see, the monster has

I think my monster looks like Shrek, but yours will look at how you envision it.

Such power because it has insight and access to every thought you have ever thought and known all of the secrets you would never tell anyone else about your past. There is no deceiving them, and they can use all of that against you.

For many of us, the messages have been pervasive and consistent for years, and we have not wanted to listen, but we can’t help it. We find things to fit the message and accept they are correct. We try to improve ourselves in many ways, but until we decide to face the monster once and for all, we are only placing small band-aids on the gunshot wounds of life. There is only one way to eliminate these thoughts and suffering from your life.

Hug The Monster

Instead of running away from these things, we think, embrace them. Look at the messages your mind is telling you and trace them to their origin. Most were born in your past, and you accept them to be a definition of your worth to the world. How much power you give them is totally up to you. Looking at things you experience and focusing on the negative stuff is food for the monster. It allows them to grow bigger and become scarier each day. Soon this creature in our head is so vast and pervasive you feel hopeless ever to defeat it and become a happy version of yourself, but this is where we miss the point.

We are never meant to defeat the monster. These thoughts are given to us as a gift to guide us, not as a punishment to define us. Rather than continue fighting the monster, stop running from it, and hug it. No matter how big it has become in your mind, learning to accept the things in your past as just a part of you will allow you to learn to love your value. Many have had to overcome great tragedy. Imagine how great they are to survive. Caring for your monster will enable you to see past the thoughts of negative self-image and view, just for a moment, the person who is so lovable behind it all. They have been there all along.

A Life Without Fear

Seeing the value in yourself will give you many things. One is the understanding that you are not defined today by the actions and situations of the past but by what you choose to do today. We are all responsible for what we do in every moment, accept that responsibility for the positive and negative, and then move on to become better. Life is a short game, and spending too much time beating yourself up for the things you experienced a year ago, ten years ago, 20 years ago, or ever is a waste of your valuable time. It is fear of being not enough that guides everything, but you are enough. Just look at your true self.

Take that first step into an experience without fear guiding you, and seek the best inside you to share with the world. Each moment provides you with the opportunity to grow, be positive, and make a positive impact somewhere. You can do it just by being kind and thoughtful. How difficult is that? The monster will tell you it is impossible to do, and you are not capable. But look inside of yourself, look past the beast, and know you are very capable of helping someone else feel a bit better about their relationship with their monster. What could be more valuable than that?

Finally……..

Realizing that your monster is just a side of you that needs to be soothed and acknowledged is necessary to move past the fear in your life. All people face this to some degree. All you can do is be responsible for the monster in you and take care of him as best you can.

In your head, in the dream, you are both the monster and the person the monster is chasing. You are the fear in you and also the love that takes it away. All things you feel are a representation of who you are in some aspect of your experience. What do you do with this knowledge? Either you embrace it, or you continue to run from it. One method will bring you peace, and one will push you further from your true self. Life is a series of continual choices and the consequences that come from them. What are you doing with your monster? For my part, I am sorry I ever looked away to try to please someone else. That is a formula to build a meaningless, empty life. Be yourself and if people don’t love you for that, stay far away from them because they probably don’t love themselves either. They have their monsters to deal with; you have yours.

“Love and peace of mind do protect us. They allow us to overcome the problems that life hands us. They teach us to survive… to live now… to have the courage to confront each day.” —Bernie Siegel

“You’ll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.” —George Michael

“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” —Dalai Lama

“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” —Wayne W. Dyer

“We stop looking for monsters underneath the bed when we realize they are living inside of us.”

 

 

 

21

Love It or Fear It

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To fear or to love?

You May Disagree
You May Disagree

All situations in life can break down into simple choices. Will you think and act out of fear? Or will you believe and work out of love?

I believe EVERYTHING you think will make a difference in your life and come with emotions attached, which affect your decision-making. I believe this because of a lifetime of experience and entertaining the wrong types of thoughts. I lived much of my life under the influence of fear but have chosen to make a change and look at things with feelings of love. No small endeavor, but I encourage all others to attempt to do the same.

How You Think Leads to How You Live

This article is about the fundamental belief that I have developed in my game of life. If you are thinking judgmental, mean, sarcastic, or hateful thoughts about other people or groups of people, there is no doubt that you will experience those things in your own experience.

These are negative thoughts which lead to unhappy experiences
These are negative thoughts that lead to unhappy experiences

If you choose to focus on accepting, kind, and loving thoughts, then that will be the overall experience of your existence. How do I know? I used to think the former and now try to focus on the latter, and although I am the same person, the experience of life has been entirely different and much more positive and enjoyable in all ways.

Fear is the chief motivation of those who are critical. A person rejects any thought or action that will lead to change or be different from comfortable beliefs. Even if things are currently going poorly, people avoid change because they fear that changes might make things even worse.

There is nothing wrong with experiencing fear itself because fear gives you adrenaline and or motivation to act. Still, if you focus on and allow it to move your actions from day-to-day, your experience will suffer from negative energy. We all face fear every day, but it is how you deal with it that matters. Each moment comes down to this simple choice between fear and love, the one you choose will define your life and you as a person.

Change is Always Possible

change-thoughtsThe most daunting task for anyone to accomplish is to change the way that you think. We have spent a lifetime accumulating experiences that come along with mental programming, which has managed to keep us safe and alive. But it also can make us unhappy and not allow us to reach our capabilities.

Yet, at some point, even though we are safe and alive, the quality of our life needs value. Once you start to pursue happiness and caring, you notice what has been making you unhappy. What is it that makes you hang your head with worry? What makes you afraid to speak? What makes you hide your individuality? What makes you disappear who you are? Fear.

Fear that you won’t be accepted, or fear that someone will take something from you that you love. Fear that someone is going to harm you or those that you care about can hurt you. The mainstream media feed these fears to gain ratings and Madison Avenue to earn consumer dollars.

The reality is that fear is just a thought and an illusionary thought at that. What you are afraid of is not accurate, it is a thought, and that is it. What if? What should? What Might? Questions that provide these thoughts; are not real they don’t exist, yet they offer genuine suffering for people. Your thoughts about things are the cause of most of our issues. Change your thoughts, and many of our problems go away.

There are many dangers in the world, and those should be avoided because they can hurt you, but fear of them will only stop you from doing what you want and becoming the best you can be. Fear limits you and destroys dreams.

Getting Out of Fear

Beliefs are merely thoughts that you choose every day to add weight to.
Beliefs are merely thoughts that you choose every day to add weight to.

Getting rid of fear in your thoughts is simple, but it is not easy.

Stop thinking fearful things. Now that would be easy to control all of our thoughts, but you really can’t.

Thoughts pop into your mind at a rapid pace, representing your lifetime of experience. Bias, prejudice, hatred, fear are all a part of your knowledge, and they are all associated with others.

You can’t stop them from popping into your mind, but you can control how much you pay attention to them. Simply noticing the thoughts of fear as what they are fake surprisingly releases you from their power. All of their power over you comes from inside your head and the thoughts you choose to give power to. Let the negative go and replace them with something more positive. The human mind is only capable of entertaining one idea at a time. If your thought is positive, so will your mood, actions, and life.

Replace thoughts of fear with thoughts of love

enigmaOnce you recognize and admit your worries and let them go, it is incredible how easy the right ideas and feelings flow. It feels better to be happy, healthier to love, and more enjoyable to live without fear.

It takes time, and you have to be honest with yourself. Recognizing your weaknesses can be painful and challenging, but you have a simple choice here. Choose caring over callousness, kindness over being mean, understanding over judgment. Keep living your life in fear and be unhappy or admit to your negative thoughts and recognize that you can just let them go and think differently.

The choice is up to you! Nobody else can make it for you.

“Fear and love can never be experienced at the same time. It is always our choice as to which of these emotions we want.”-  Gerald Jampolsky

“Love and fear represent two different lenses through which to view the world. Which I choose to use will determine what I think I see.”-Marianne Williamson

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”-  Marianne Williamson

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”-  John Lennon

21

How You Treat Others Defines You

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I am as hard on myself as I am on anyone I know when it comes to this statement.  How you treat others defines you. I know because this is an area I have fallen short of many times in my life. I know I haven’t always been the best person when it comes to my treatment of other people.  I have a long list of situations where I have not treated others as well as they deserve or been the kind of person I would have liked to be.  That is why it is always so hard to see people you care about fall into the same selfish traps in the way they treat others in their life.  It takes so little to be decent in the world, and I guess sometimes that price is just too much for some to pay.  I try to adopt the hope in each new day that I will be able, at this moment, at least, to treat others with kindness, caring, empathy, understanding, and consideration. That is my hope.

Only In Control Of Me

The only thing in the world we are indeed in charge of entirely is how we control ourselves. Life can and will throw all kinds of situations at you, and it is up to you how you respond. Do you quit? Become disillusioned?  Respond with anger toward those who care about you? Blame everything and everyone else? Accept responsibility for ourselves and our situations?  The only honorable way to go is to accept responsibility for where you are right now.  Because you are the person who decides what thoughts are essential to you, and those thoughts will create the world around you.

You are the only one who can control the tenor of the thoughts you focus on. Where focus goes, energy flows. If you spend your time thinking only of yourself, you will be stuck in a cycle of selfishness with no real opportunity for growth because growth comes from the things you do for and share with others. The positive or negative actions we take in our lives each day will determine how our lives grow.  This idea is particularly true in our spirituality.  It is our responsibility to look for ways to improve as people in our life.  Regardless of the circumstances we face, we choose the impact our lives have on the people around us and us. Positive or negative, this is our choice, every second of every day.  You are the only one who can control you.

Noone Left to Blame

Today, our lives are the sole responsibility because we are the creators of the thoughts behind them. You can try to blame circumstances, other people, or just bad or good luck, but whatever experiences you have resulted from your choices and actions you have taken. If you have mistreated people, you can’t be surprised when you are treated poorly by someone else.   Too often, I have blamed others for the outcomes in my life that didn’t live up to my expectations.

I would have better spent my time accepting my thoughts, words, and actions and realizing that I needed to change my ways to bring different outcomes into my life. If I was going to be selfish and self-centered and only worried about how things would affect me, then I can’t be surprised when opportunities in life that rely on others pass me by.  Our lives are a direct reflection of what we think and what we do. There is no more significant measure of what we are as people than the shape of our lives right now.

Your Qualities Define You

Finally, when looking at your definition. What are the words you would like to have associated with yourself? Honestly, look at the way you treat others, and you will find the meaning of yourself. I know many people who would shy away from some of their adjectives, although they belong to the things they say and do. You can’t be mean to someone in one breath and then claim kindness in a general sense. Service is an attribute that accompanies you all the time, or it doesn’t at all. Mean and insensitive behavior can’t be erased by wishful thinking.

But it can be undone by a change in thought and recognizing our responsibility for our actions. Each day we have a chance to represent ourselves with behaviors we stand behind and envision as beacons of our best selves.  Falling for a time doesn’t define your life; it only establishes that part of your life. No story is over until the last page turns, and the best stories are always about redemption and comebacks.  You have to ask yourself, can I change? From negative to positive? Lousy behavior to good behavior? Unhealthy to healthy? Or whatever challenge you are facing because the only person who can choose what defines you is you.

“Our past may shape us, but it doesn’t define us.” ― Alyson Noel

“We cannot let the haters of this world define us. Or frighten us into no longer being ourselves.” ― Mary E. DeMuth

“Strong people define themselves; weak people allow others to define them.” ― Ken Poirot

“Define yourself—not by how much you are loved, but by how much you love others.” ― Connor Chalfant

“Never defend yourself, but define yourself with your imagination and actions.”― Debasish Mridha M.D.