This week I met a stranger. We talked for 30 minutes or so and then went on with life. In the course of that conversation I was asked a few questions I have thought a lot about. I think you might benefit from thinking about them too.  They came from the heart of young thought and made me look at life and what is important.Each question was really asking about my basic fundamental attitude about life and the belief I have about the goodness of things.  Life has a way of teaching you what you need to know in order to achieve all of those dreams you have circulating around in your head. We ask for many things in life, and often we don’t see the guidance that comes to us because it is not written in clear English.  Guidance comes in experience, feelings and in people you meet every day.  Indulge my answers for a stranger.   Maybe you can take something from it. Maybe you can’t but let’s give it a try.

How do you make life good?

When life happens, we naturally evaluate every experience. We rate it as good, bad, excellent, horrible or anywhere in between. The fact is the things that happen are just things and we assign the value to them. So making life good is a choice of how you look at things. Things are going to happen which are painful, people die, relationships end, injuries and accidents occur every day. It would be difficult to assign a good label to any of these things but if you look at things from a broad perspective and see what comes out of them there is almost always something positive.  It is the stories we end up telling ourselves about the situation that brings the value.

What lessons did you learn? What can you be grateful for? If you lost a loved one, be grateful for the time you had together and the things you experienced.  If a relationship ends, seek the message it is teaching you about what you need to do better in the next relationship. Life always brings challenges because that is its job. To push you and prod you into becoming better. When you ask for things in your life, often times some of the biggest challenges we face drive us in the direction we need to go. We make life good by enjoying the small things along the way that provide joy. There are things every day which do this.  Look for them and appreciate them. Life will be just as good as you decide it should be.

How do you start again when a dream is lost?

When is a dream really lost? Sometimes you will have to start over in order to get where you want to go.  For example, a person had a scholarship to a prestigious college. Due to several poor decisions the scholarship was removed and the dream of attending that fine institution was removed as well.  One could look at the opportunity gone and cry over it. But there are two reasons this will do no good. One, no matter what you did or what happened you can’t travel back in time. And two, if you could have done better in those moments, you would have.

Let those experiences of failures, poor behaviors, and disappointments of the past stay right where they are because the only way they can affect you fully today is if you decide to let them define you.  Others will think what they will and we all have to bear the responsibility for all things in our lives, but to relive the mistake, over and over is going to stop you from finding and achieving the next dream.  More than likely the lessons you learned will allow you to achieve great things in life.  Stop dwelling on what is gone and focus on what is ahead while enjoying the life you have right now. New dreams will arrive in your mind, drams afe what makes life great.

Is life always this hard?

Sometimes it seems like life is a very difficult experience. When you experience loss and you suffer, it can be a very hard thing to deal with. When a person allows their focus to be on one particular thing, it can be devastating when that is taken away.  Life is as hard as you make it and usually it is what you believe about yourself and how you do life.  Take a moment and look for the good around you in any situation. I don’t say this is easy because sometimes when you are hurting  it is hard to see or feel your way around it.  But there is always good sitting there waiting for you to notice it. Nobody can force you to do this only you can make that decision.

Once you have made the choice to stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept responsibility for whatever you are facing, you will start to grow from your situation and understand there will be other battles to fight, challenges to face and joys will find you.  Understanding that life is a long play and not a quick hit wonder will give you the perspective to see the hard isn’t permanent. It may not even exist at all unless you choose to allow it.  Life is not always hard, it provides all of the joy, positivity and kindness you can handle. You have to be willing to look for it and see it. Have you looked for it today?

So as I walked away from that stranger that day, I started to look at my own life and some of the people that are a big influence on it. I am not perfect and allow myself to drift into negativity some times, but there are many dreams I am still chasing on the personal and professional front.  I have experienced some disappointments but I try not to let them affect me all that negatively, and I know that just as the sun goes down every night allowing a chance to rest and rejuvenate.  The sun will rise again in the morning and the new day will bring its opportunities for accomplishment. You can’t grab new experiences if your hands are grasping tightly to the past and it is gone.  Look at your opportunities to follow your dreams in the actions of your day.  Keep a positive frame of mind and look to your personal beliefs about what you can do and expect in life. Each day is a chance to build a dream or tear one down.