Category Archives: 21

21

Broken

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We are all carrying around broken pieces of ourselves because to experience life is to experience growth, and sometimes when we grow, it causes us to break a little on the inside.  These breaks come from significant, visible events of loss, like death, heartbreak, or physical trauma, but more often, these breaks are personal, and the loss and pain are known only to us. Each time, we experienced failure, loss, sadness, abuse, neglect, heartbreak, and fear.  It is up to each person to decide if they will put the pieces back together, hide them, or live with them the way they are. Each painful shard of our former selves or what we perceived ourselves to be is digging into our daily experience — a constant reminder of the pain of loss we just experienced.

Each of us learns to deal with our broken pieces in our own way. Most of the time, we gloss over them, hide them, and pretend we are ok with everything. Until they become too much and come tumbling out in a manner, we have no choice but to address them. One of the things we can do is be conscious of our thoughts, the emotions attached to them, the words we speak because we have been broken, and the actions we take, good or bad, because of it.

We are all Broken

The positive aspect of this situation is that all people, in one way or another, are broken. Being broken isn’t necessarily a negative thing; it is just a fact. It is how we choose to react that matters. When you look at others and their behavior, understanding that most of it comes from the experience of being broken by emotional pain or the fear of the pain of that experience becomes more understandable.

That doesn’t excuse poor behavior in any way. Action has its reward or punishment, but you can find more understanding of others when you realize they are just dealing with their broken pieces caused by the emotional distress in their past.

We are all living with this pain in one form or another.

There is a Lesson

Growth is a constant opportunity, and it seems that life will push you along the road of change, whether you want it or not.  Unfortunately, to become more complex, we have to grow from who we were to who we want to be, which is why we break.  It isn’t fair, kind, or pleasant in many cases; the trauma that breaks us can be horrific, and there may seem no lesson at all. Or if there is one where the price of learning is far too high.  Yet, here we are, and we have no choice in the situation at all. We only have a choice over the actions and growth or lack which results.

Every day, some people experience trauma.  It can destroy them. Only with time can the actual value of any situation be accepted, and the positive resulting from a tragedy may be revealed if you take the time to look for it.

That doesn’t mean we should all seek out painful situations, but it isn’t the end of you if you experience one. Whether you like it or not, it is a new beginning for you.  At some point in the healing process, you have to make a conscious choice to move forward or give up, which is your decision. Nobody can heal you with good intentions or kind words, and only you choose to see the value in yourself and the gift you have to contribute to the world.

Soft Eyes

I no longer judge people like I did when I was younger. I have been broken too often and have become adept at covering it up and surviving on my smile.  I know that in each person, there resides a version of me. If I had experienced those things, where would I be? I don’t look at people with hard eyes and judge where they are because it provides no value. Understanding offers value, and knowing that we are all in the same is somewhat comforting. To access comfort comes from looking outside of ourselves and recognizing the connection in all people’s experiences. Look with soft eyes at those who are struggling.

We are all dealing with the broken pieces we have been left with and doing things that make them less painful and make us feel more “normal.”  Some turn to drugs, alcohol, food, sex, or religion. Everyone is looking for a way to allow broken pieces to settle in a way that doesn’t hurt and, in the best case, to find healing.  Sometimes, people don’t recover; that is their story. We each decide for ourselves what we do with our pieces. Do we carry them around forever? Or do we place them kindly and lovingly down the road, remembering them but not allowing the pain to control our lives? Healing is the result.

Do Your Best

In the end, we can only do the best that we can with all of our trauma and loss. We have a finite amount of time to exist on the Earth as we are, and it is up to us whether we want to spend that time angry, scared, and frustrated or robust, happy, and fulfilled. We are all doing our best with what we have, which is all anyone can expect.

There is a brighter day ahead, it may be in a month, a year, or five years but if you keep the hope alive in your heart providing service to others, then eventually the pieces that are broken in you will naturally turn into who you are, and that is not something to fear.  Remember to focus on your conscious thoughts about how you have been broken. Focus on what you think about the circumstances. The words you choose to use when you speak will tell the world about your decisions. These will define your actions. We are all broken to one degree or another, and the challenge is to love life anyway.

“Being broken is like having broken ribs. On the outside, it looks like nothing’s wrong, but every breath hurts.”

“I am the broken that only comes when so many pieces are shattered off the whole that it forgets it ever painted a picture at all.” — Tyler Knott Gregson

“We’re all a little broken, but the last time I checked, broken crayons still color the same.”

“The world is filled with so many beautiful people, after all, and who am I to think that you will hold on, hold on to me, because who am I, and what are we?”

21

Behind You

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behind
All words have power. Behind is no different. Are you behind? Or are you mistaken?

There is a power in the world we gain from knowing what is behind us. There are a lot of ways that this word can be positively applied to your life. You can put things behind you and move on unencumbered by the past. You can find some wonderful things that are hidden just behind something, the sun behind a cloud, for example. Behind can be a motivator pushing us forward in pursuit of our goals. Focusing on the positive nature of the word can change your life for the better.

Put The Past Behind You

Undoubtedly, leaving the past behind you is a necessary step in one’s development. It can be challenging, for sure. We all have people and things we don’t want to lose.  But it isn’t easy to make space for new experiences that may make you wonder if you are still holding onto the past things. Always remember the lessons people and circumstances teach us, and move forward, looking for new people and things to embrace. They are out there waiting for you.

Putting the past behind you allows you to accept an attitude of possibility for the future, including everything you love to do and perhaps all the things you dream about. Even if your past was great, you can’t live there now. If you try, you will be stuck, standing still, looking back when the potential of today is floating past in life right before you. Putting your past behind you is a skill that must be learned, practiced, and mastered to become the best version of yourself.

Just Behind That

When looking for good things in life, sometimes we have to wait for a moment for a cloud or storm to pass, and then left in front of us is what we have wanted in our life. Not happy with your job? There may be a more desirable vocation just behind the one you dislike. Put it aside and see what is waiting. Not happy in your meaningful

look right behind that cloud for miracles
You can see the bright future coming just behind that cloud.

Relationships? Push them aside and look at them to see what lies there waiting for you. If you stay engaged in the current entanglement that you are not happy with, you will never find the positive situations that exist.

Peek behind the veil and see what is waiting for you. It takes courage to see what is waiting. It may be more or less than you hoped. Approach it without attachment, and most often, you will find something valuable for you that helps propel you on your way to becoming the person you have known you could be all along. If you can, take a peek and wait for the cloud to pass or the storm to subside. It is all there behind the obstruction, you see.

You Are Not Behind

You are not Behind, There you are, hurrying through your days and life because your mind tells you you have fallen behind. Others seem way ahead of us, and the worry of not being what we “should” deflates self-esteem.  When, in fact, you are really right where you need to be. The reality is it would be impossible to be anywhere else. Stop operating from needing to catch up and operate from the mindset that you are doing just fine because you are. Anyone else’s measure can’t judge your path because you are on a unique journey. It is yours alone, and there is no duplicate available.

You are not far behind!!!!

“Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.”- Victor Kiam.

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.” – Walt Whitman.

“Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows fall behind you.”-Charlotte Whitton.

“There are… two kinds of people: those who are changing and those who are setting themselves up to be victims of change. As the world continues to march on around us, if I am only maintaining the status quo – if I’m not growing – then I’m falling behind.”- Jim Clemmer.

21

Learning to Surrender

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Learning to surrender to where you are in life is confusing to comprehend. It is the idea that you accept the present moment, but it doesn’t mean that you have to allow yourself to stay in an unhealthy or dangerous situation. It means that you recognize the problem for what it is, and then through conscious choice, you can start to make decisions that will allow you to move in a more positive and healthy direction. Seeing clearly and concisely is not a victim mentality but the beginning of your conscious choices.

Thinking about Surrender

Many hear the word Surrender and think you are giving in to whatever is wrong in your life. If you are experiencing abuse, addiction, or other adverse situations, you are not just allowing it to happen. Instead, it means identifying where you are clearly and in the present moment. Too often, our minds avoid the now because we hope it will change or for the reason that nobody will notice. To look at your moment and honestly understand where you are is a moment where you can pivot into a change. Knowing where you are, allows you to construct a map to flow toward where you are meant to be.

Surrender never means being passive in accepting any situation you may be living in and having no power of action. You always have that. People should never stop planning, dreaming, or creating a decisive battle in their lives. Surrender is honestly seeing where you are and flowing with that situation instead of fighting against it. Accepting your present moment without condition is the beginning of giving up your inner resistance to change, life, and who you are. Internal resistance uses mental judgment and negative emotions to say no to what is happening in your life.

Here Comes the Pain

Things will go “wrong” in life. Things will never be exactly as we think they should be in all aspects. First of all, who are we to think we understand how things should be? Millions of variables affect the world that we know nothing about. Life is much wiser than any of us. So rather than judge, accept things and people as they are, not force them to be what you think they should be. The difference between what your rigid expectations create and what is in the world is the pain you are experiencing in life.

Surrender is the power to let go of your expectations of your children, parents, spouses, loved ones, bosses, employees, and anyone in your life. When you accept people as they are and surrender your expectations, much of the pain and sorrow of life is eliminated from your life. This subtraction is a process that takes place on the inside and will allow you to make decisive, healthy actions for positive change in the outside physical world. But with no inner change of thought and understanding, external change and positive movement are nearly impossible.

Acceptance and Choice

Accepting where things are now does not make you take the situation you are in total. All undesirable or unpleasant life situations need not be accepted as part of your reality in the present moment. Stating the obvious is not acceptance but denying something as if there is nothing wrong when it is maybe delusional.

An honest recognition of a situation will allow you to choose if you want to get out. Looking at the current location without judgment or resistance to what it is will let you see what affirmative action is required from you and decide whether to take it or not. Being in the present moment ultimately will allow you the power to break out of your conditioned past and move you toward a life of surrendering to what is and away from the constructs of the egoic life.

“Surrender is deeply misunderstood as an act of weakness. Surrender is the bravest and most obvious thing a human ever does, and that’s why it’s so precious to the Divine.” – Andrew Harvey

21

Freedom Time

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freedomAsk almost anyone, and one of the things they want in their life, more than anything else, are feelings of Freedom. But when you think about the concept of Freedom, what exactly does the word mean for you? Most would agree with the standard dictionary definition: the power or right to act, speak or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. I know that is what I envision.

We are left with determining what hinders us or restraining us from speaking, thinking, or acting how we want today. Freedom does not come to any person without responsibilities; we are always responsible for our actions, whether they be of Freedom or not. So let’s think about Freedom for a while and what we need to do to experience it in all areas of our lives, right now, today.

What Freedom Looks Like

All of the actions we take, the words we speak, and the thoughts we think are choices we make. We are, in fact, free to do, say, or think whatever we want. But some factors tell us we are limited in what we can do. When you think about Freedom, it will have some particular characteristics attached to it. For example, Freedom is oriented toward the future. Once a barrier is broken, the yoke of restraint is cast off. You will never be affected by that restraining thing again. This idea is constantly created through a realistic perception. Not fearful, but practical. You can quit your job right now, but it is not realistic with no plan to support yourself and your family. Many stop right there and stay in limited situations for the rest of their lives. This location is where you plan your escape and move toward Freedom. You can be responsible and accessible at the same time.

Freedom will require a person to step into the possibilities of life firmly and with resolve. See the potential in all situations and take action to make these things a reality in your life. Not someday, but today. When you look honestly inside of yourself, the things that are stopping you from finding this Freedom are usually self-perpetuating fearful thoughts about what might happen or what someone else might think. By placing new situations in your life and honestly evaluating how you feel about them. You have the choice to seek out the supportive emotions you have or the ones that do not support your Freedom. Allow for the new feelings of a situation to arise in you and honestly see how they feel. They may be a perfect fit right away, or you may have an adjustment period. Freedom allows you to start defining who you are. Are you honest? Are you kind? Are you supportive of others? or do you choose something else? These are all questions that Freedom will answer for you. As your awareness grows, you will know what fits you and what doesn’t. That is what freedom feels like.

Are You Ready for Freedom?

The short answer for most people is, heck, yes! But are you? You are ready for Freedom when you are excited by whatever is happening or will be happening in your life. You know the feeling that something beautiful, upbeat, and all-around fantastic is about to take place in your experience. You will feel more awake in your day-to-day existence and aware of all things floating in and out of your choices. If they are honest, each person has had a feeling inside of them that will guide you exactly where you need to go. You imagine what it will be like to go where you want to go, do what you want to do, and say whatever it is you want to say. The images come to you from a place of knowing and that place inside of you. The key is to let your mind be quiet so that you can hear what your heart is telling you.

You will know you are ready for Freedom when a change is the only real option for you and that moving forward is a done deal to you. No words, actions, thoughts by another could discourage you. You are ready to move forward and accept the responsibility for the Freedom you want to make a part of your life. Even though you haven’t experienced it yet, you can’t wait to share what you seek to achieve. Remember that Freedom does not include pretending. All thoughts and imagination should be focused on natural, tangible things and followed with action. Action always separates reality from those that are acting. Don’t get overwhelmed with specifics and details. All of those things will take care of themselves. Too much thought leads to doubt, indecision, and a significant lack of Freedom.

Be Responsible

All acts of Freedom are responsible and never put people at undue risk. For example, leaving the people you have commitments to do something else is not Freedom, and it is irresponsible, mean, and shows a lack of character.

Freedom is a way to achieve the ability to say, act, and think whatever you want. You don’t have to be foolish to do this. Janice Joplin once said Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. I can’t entirely agree with that thought. When you have nothing left to forget, there is little choice involved. Why not act? True Freedom comes with options and responsibility. That is the way of life. Seek your Freedom and enjoy it when you find it, but know that everything comes with a price. Approach it in the right direction, and the price will be enjoyable to play as well.

 “I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”—Charlotte Bronte 

 “Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.”—Virginia Woolf 

 “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”—Mahatma Gandhi

“The only real prison is fear, and the only real freedom is freedom from fear.”—Aung San Suu Kyi

 “Freedom (n.): To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing.”—Ayn Rand

“We were the people who were not in the papers. We lived in the blank white spaces at the edge of print. It gave us more Freedom. We lived in the gaps between the stories.”—Margaret Atwood

“In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved.” 

 

21

Anything is Possible

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 Everything and everyone is one of the infinite possibilities. 

What is the difference between a billionaire living in a mansion and a homeless person living on the street other than choices and circumstances? All people are born with the ability to accomplish whatever they want to in life. Why do some achieve it, and some fall far short of the mark? Although we all have a potential for greatness, there has to be an effort to make the most of your talent. Some will choose a life of limit, and some decide never to be defeated. Look at everyone you see today and know they have the power to be excellent within them. It may be buried deep within, but it is always there. More importantly, look at yourself and know that you can become anything you want to be, and you have to choose to grow it.

Beliefs Are Always the Thing

Our beliefs are a part of who we are, and they develop through our lives and us as guidelines of what to expect in all types of situations. We use a blend of past experiences and influences of parents, siblings, friends, authority figures, and society in general. This combination of things and people develop a belief system in us that dictates what we believe is possible in our lives and, more importantly, what is not possible. Remembering these beliefs is that they are just thoughts or ideas that we have chosen to give our consent to agree with, and that is the power they have.

Changing a belief is not complicated, but it isn’t easy either. Subconsciously our beliefs are firmly rooted and affect us always until we make an effort to change them. First, you have to be willing to accept a change, which most people aren’t. Change can be scary, and what would that look like if you really could do anything? It is easier to stay right where you are, and at least you know what to expect. Great people don’t let these things stop them. Secondly, you have to replace limiting beliefs with more positive ones representing the life you want to experience. Some use positive statements called affirmations to replace limiting thoughts with those of growth.

Focus on the Prize

What if we are only bound in what we create in life by our thoughts and perceptions? It would make sense to start to change those thoughts that will limit the amount of joy and love we can create in our lives. Maintaining a positive focus on what we want and the ideas that will get us there is challenging to manage. But it would be best if you held it for the long haul to change what we can effectively.

A focus for a day is not enough because we will default back into those comfortable old practices and beliefs if we let our focus slide. Think about what you want to accomplish, write it down and read it daily, and it will help you maintain your focus on achieving your greatness and stop you from losing focus and losing the chance to reach your pure potential.

Never Settle

One trait of success is that they refused to settle for less than what they wanted regardless of the challenges they faced. Many people set a goal and start to take steps toward achieving it. Once they face challenges and challenging times, they settle with themselves that it wasn’t meant to be or worse that they are not worthy of creating the lofty expectations they have wanted for themselves. Never buy into the idea that being average is a positive outcome. Great people never allow this mindset to set into them.

Set high goals for yourself with the belief that you can accomplish whatever you set your intention on. Know not only that you can do whatever you want but that you deserve to have it in your life. Whether it is money, love, freedom, or joy, you deserve it because we all deserve it. You weren’t born to be average, and that is a belief you can adopt today.

Don’t Buy the Line

The pure potential exists in you, and your mindset is the way to let it start to come out. Don’t let what “everybody else” think to determine what you can accomplish. Most of them live with a limited mind and haven’t embraced their potential. Discouraging you to be your best justifies their beliefs. A mass movement of thought does not create truth, and it makes a barrier to success for others, and that is it. They will ridicule you for trying and then be amazed by your results.

Factors like location, finances, and economic factors are only excuses and can’t stand in your way if you don’t let them. Remember that your potential is as individual as fingerprints, and there is no correct path for you to follow. You are walking your way, and your prospect will determine the experience. Do not think in limits. Believe in possibilities.

Look for your potential today in all that you do. Set intentions to be the thing you feel you should be. In the end, you will be looking back at all of the limiting people and situations with gratitude for all the motivation they gave you to persevere in pursuit of your potential.

“Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.”- Pope John XXIII

“Leadership is unlocking people’s potential to become better.”- Bill Bradley

“Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!”- Anne Frank

 

21

Both Sides Now

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the flip side of lifeWouldn’t it be nice if all we had to deal with in our lives was a success in all we do and happiness in all experiences? I think everyone would feel the same way, no sadness, loss, or grief, just happy things that are easy to deal with, yet we all know that life isn’t going to come as quickly as that. We all must go through some difficult times, and I think that is OK because you will never appreciate the good in life unless there is the opposite aspect to compare it to in life. There is always a flip side. How do you know that life is giving you what you need now? You are experiencing it. Please take a moment and focus your conscious thought on this very thought of how opposites teach you lessons and see what words and actions arise from it. It will probably be a better version of yourself, and you will value the joyous times and good experiences all the more when they happen.

Sunshine and Rain

No matter what your preferred weather is, there is difficulty enjoying it thoroughly without having experienced the opposite of your desired temperature. For me, it is the weather of the fall in the northeast.

sunshine without rainWe are blessed with pleasant temperatures and cooler weather at night, which is perfect for sleeping. Each day it seems that there is a different and wondrous color scheme on display. Fall has a feeling in your heart that you can’t explain, feel. Yet the appreciation I have for this season is deepened by the hot, uncomfortable summer weather and the oncoming extreme cold and snow of winter. Those intense experiences help you tune into the perfection of September/October that you are experiencing in the perfect dance of autumn.

If the weather were as you like, all of the time, you would eventually find that you lose the special appreciation you have for it. It would be more difficult at any rate to find that appreciation for the beautiful autumn days, and they would be “days.”

I think this is true about all things in life. We need to have what we don’t want to know what we do want and, more importantly, appreciate it when it is in our lives and seek it out daily if you can.

Being Alone Leads To Growth

Most people long for comfort and company, yet many have this in their lives and manage to throw it away because of a bit of moment or slight that they perceive. If you

have ever been without someone who “gets you” and is forced to live your life truly on lonely makes you appreciate relationshipsyour own, then it is difficult to appreciate it when you have that connection partner in your life.

You would be much less likely to throw that relationship away if you knew what real loneliness felt like inside. The warmth of happiness and connection should stop people from cheating and taking their partners for granted.   The opposite side of this coin would help many a relationship find its way through rough waters.

Empathy for another and understanding the feelings, dreams, and ideas that make someone else tick is, to me, one of the most critical features of any relationship. It allows you to understand and be understood, give accordingly, and receive. When empathy is gone, and people start worrying about their own needs without concern for the needs of the other, trouble is not far away.

Sometimes you need to be alone to allow yourself to grow into the person you are meant to become. Much like a seed needs to be in the ground alone, you may need the same situation to allow yourself to grow in understanding and ideas. Life is a tricky game, and none of us have all the answers at the outset. That is why it is so damn impressive. You do not have to be lonely to appreciate the company of others, but it certainly does make it a lot easier to remember and keeps your empathy at the surface.

Loss Makes You Appreciate What You Have

If you have never lost everything, you do not appreciate everything you have quite as much. Everything is a subjective word that can apply to anyone and their situation. You may lose your family, friends, possessions, or guiding principles and strand you in life with no clear guidance or a place to call home.

Whatever it is that you lose, a friend, a family member, a relationship, it is through this loss, you will learn to appreciate what you do have. When you evaluate the things you have lost in your life, remember to include equal time thinking about the good that you have in your life and the appreciation you have for it — practice gratitude to some degree every day.

Sometimes the wounds of the loss are too big, and we can never move past them. Sometimes the pain of loss or the idea of the damage has engulfed us and our identity to the point that we can’t see around it. My experience tells me that once I have let something go, there is an appreciation for the people and things that are in my life that I would never have known.

You don’t have to lose everything to find this appreciation, and you have to look at what you have in your life and be grateful for it.

Seeing the Dark Side

To be human is to possess the ability to be very, very good, but each person also comes equipped with a dark side. Much like Darth Vader in Star Wars, we all have to choose which side of life our thoughts, choices, and actions will take us. There is power in being positive, helpful, honest, kind, and a decent human being society would fall without this attitude is prevalent. But there is a dark side in all of us.

One of the things that make good people so beautiful is that we make a choice each day to be that way. Sometimes, it can be a natural choice to follow the voices of fear and separate, ridicule, lie, gossip, or be selfish. Each of our actions balances out in our vibrational energy and just what you are putting into the world mentally, and with your efforts, you will get back to you. If you are not happy with where you are, look at your mental game and see how it is playing out. Take affirmative action, and positive will happen. Follow the light side of the force.

Look at the Flip Side of Everything

So my final urging is to look at the flip side of everything that you experience each and

Superman is not as great without a villain to compare him to.
Superman is not as great without a Lex Luther to battle against.

every day. Noticing that there is something positive for you to appreciate in every situation. Enjoy moments of downtime as well as deserved respites from the whir of activity that often rules your life.

Appreciate the moments of being by yourself as opportunities to grow. Nobody knows who you will end up with, but remember that making yourself the best person you can, will bring the person into your life who will make you better. With the heart-wrenching bitterness that death and loss of a loved one get to your life, there is an appreciation for those you live with still that can envelop your heart and touch your soul if you look for them.

That is why we should always look for and appreciate the flip side of the coin because we would never understand the value of moments in our lives without it. Light without darkness, happiness without sadness, love without fear, the experiences that we live define us by our ability to appreciate our journeys. 

“Belief systems thrive in circumstances of the collision. Their opposites energize them.”– James P. Carse

“All colors are the friends of their neighbors and the lovers of their opposites.” – Marc Chagall

 

 

21

Good To Everyone

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We make decisions every day, and could anything be more simple than choosing to be kind to everyone we meet? On the surface, it would seem to treat others in a positive, thoughtful way that should be easy, and it is, but when you let thoughts and emotions focus on fear, that is where the problems start.

Focus your thoughts and actions on the love of any situation, and kindness will flow to everyone.  Others can feel desperate and approach you with fear and anger. Let them have their poison, and you don’t have to reciprocate or participate. Be kind to everyone. It is the most significant contribution to the world most of us can and will give.

Strength of Kindness

When people often seek their power, they look to the negative to find it.  Anger is one place many go to relay their displeasure with someone or a situation, and it becomes a knee-jerk reaction to all fearful situations. Anger is the face of fear, and it is a natural response to circumstances we are concerned our needs are not being met.  Focus on the issue that makes you fear your needs are being neglected rather than the people around you.  When people can’t express this fear appropriately, anger escalates to violence, and nothing good comes from violence.

Face your fears with kindness, look at a situation, and see where you can apply it.  Words are often difficult to find, but service is always an excellent salve for anger because it proves needs will be met, you matter, and the world cares. To be kind even when others mistreat you, insult you, or hurt you is difficult, but that is its strength. It takes effort and always has a reward, even if you don’t see it right away. You are either going to escalate and maintain a cycle of anger or start a new period of kindness.

You Never Know

If you flew in a plane and dropped a million seeds out over the landscape, there would be no way to know what plants resulted from your affirmative action. You can spread kindness precisely like that, and there is no right way to monitor the results. Faith that your efforts are all you will be able to go on. That being good to people is better than the alternative. It will bring up plants of positivity somewhere that wouldn’t have existed if not for your efforts.

There is also no way of knowing who needs your kindness today.  A person with a gloomy, cloudy disposition often can’t change without some hope to change their outlook. Understanding and just being kind to someone with no expectation of return can be the exact thing that turns someone’s entire vision around. Treating people positively, helpful, and adequately always matters and always brings positive results.  You will never know where your kindness goes and what it grows into and see that it matters.

Being Good, Feels Good

Being kind does not allow people to walk all over you because they are mean, and it is a different kind of response. First, someone else’s attitude and words can’t affect you negatively unless you let them.  Your reaction is different and more positive, and more importantly, it is the right thing to do.  How others act reflects who they are, and how you react is a reflection of who you are. All of your words and actions have the potential to affect others for the entirety of their lives.  What kind of influence do you want to be?

When you choose kindness, understanding, caring, and supportive thoughts, they turn into words, actions, and a philosophy that influences your existence. It is not easy to do this all the time, but if you get it started, it becomes a habit, and it always feels good.  Not only for all the people you come in contact with but also for yourself.

Do Your Best

So do your best to make the world a better place by being kind to others whenever the opportunity arises. It is one of the things you can always control. Even when dealing with negative people who may not have any scope of the world outside of themselves, that is the most critical time to be kind. You may have the most significant influence on others in those moments. You are being mean never solved any problem or made any situation better.  Without considerable effort by someone else, the contrary only leads to negative.  Be a positive force in your world, and be kind to those you see daily.

“Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.”
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can see.” -Mark Twain

 “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

 “Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.” -George Sand

“A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.” -William Arthur Ward

 “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” -Albert Schweitzer

 

 

21

Your Fear

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fear of failureWe have all dreamed and attempted to achieve those dreams. We have tried to become something or create something at one point in our lives, and we have failed. Failure is a part of life, a consistent factor in achievement, and how quickly that achievement will depend on how you react to the crash you face. It hurts to fail, and the quicker you can overcome that fear of failure, you can move forward sooner.

Lie Down or Run Forward, Fear of Failure

I think in my experiences, there are two reactions to failure. Lie down and give up or learn the lesson and try again, realizing that you now have one of 6252359-Young-Asian-businessman-in-suit-hanging-himself-by-his-necktie-as-a-final-extreme-reaction-to-failur-Stock-Photothe critical pieces of information that will lead you to where you are destined to go. So running forward makes sense because your success will quickly come to you.

Now we have all experienced failure. We have tried as hard as we can, but all of our hopes and dreams behind a goal and wanted it with all that we have inside, and it all came crashing down in failure. When that happens, your brain remembers the pain of that situation, and a fear of failure is created. So the next time we start to put our hopes and dreams into something, our brain starts to remind us of that previous situation and wants us to be wary. That is where the thoughts of doubt, worry, and fear come from. If you allow them, they will derail your project before it gets going. Fear of failure will keep you standing still.

Mistakes are Directions

A wise man is thankful for mistakes because he tries to change the outcome and accomplish goals. Secondly, a mistake tells you clearly what will not fear of failurework, so you will find the method that will be successful. Learning comes in many ways through books, from mentors, but the most potent teacher we ever have is our experience with mistakes and failure. It is a delicate dance to allow yourself to fail and not take it personally and let the fear of failure destroy you and your ability to take action.

These lessons your mistakes give you are success directions, and those who take a moment to decipher the experience without fear will achieve their dream and reach all their goals. As long as you learn the lesson and don’t continually repeat the same mistake, success will come from the errors you experience, and you have to learn to evaluate them helpfully.

fear of failureBe Great Go Against the Fear of Failure

Do not let a mistake destroy your confidence or make you tentative in your actions. As you think, so shall you be. Think about what you want to accomplish. You are a divine and unique person with unlimited potential, and only you and your attitude can stop you from being great. Taking action is the cure for all fear. Overcome that nasty fear of failure once and for all.

“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.” -Helen Keller

“Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.” -William Shakespeare

“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”-Dale Carnegie

“Do not be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” -John Rockefeller

“Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out. “-Benjamin Franklin

 

21

Be Curious

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Curiosity– a strong desire to know or learn something.

There are a lot of conflicting thoughts on Curiosity. Some embrace it, some fear it, others discourage it. But to me, all of the best learners and innovators have a healthy dose of Curiosity in their being.  It motivates them to seek the answers to solve our problems every day. We should be as curious as children, always trying new learning, because it is still there. Learn to cultivate your Curiosity and wonder about everything, and you will never be bored.  It all begins with the consciousness you have around Curiosity. The thoughts you entertain lead to the words you speak and your actions. Interest will allow you to move in new directions and experience new things. Use common sense in this pursuit.

Questions are Your Guides

Never get to the point in life you don’t ask questions.  Curiosity always leads to wondering why things are the way they are, and items move your attention in the direction of finding answers.  Questions still allow you to move in a direction where information is available.  Learning to ask the right questions will let you take active control of your life.  Simple questions like: How can I be more fit and healthy?  Or how can I be a better person? It can lead you down a path of action that will improve your life by answering these questions and taking simple action.

We would all like to think that we know all we need to know, and it would be safe and secure, and then we would have perceived control of this journey through life. The truth is that we have very little power, and questions will lead your Curiosity to find answers about the value of all experiences. Interest gives you the strength to seek all possibilities that exist, and with each opportunity comes more power. And that power comes from the choices you make.  There is also a bit of danger because you never know what the answers are going to bring.

Do Not Limit Your Curiosity

Some will try to limit you to old fables like Curiosity killed the cat and believe that being curious will harm you.  However, I refuse to live by the creative tales about feline behavior. This thought is based on fear, that what you learn will never allow you to go back to where you were before. In essence, ignorance is bliss.  Isn’t it better to know the truth and be uncomfortable, disappointed, or annoyed than to live a lie?

Limiting your Curiosity is a great way to keep people in line, following what someone tells them to maintain control. To be an independent thinker, you have to ask questions all the time. Curiosity gives you strength and power over most situations. Asking the right question to yourself can lead you to positive momentum in your life.  What are the “right” questions to ask?  This answer depends on you and your determination and desire to learn the truth about anything.

Some Good Questions to Ask

There is an excellent book by Dain Heer, Being You. Changing the World outlines his belief in the power of questions.  The philosophy is called Access Consciousness, and the tools they use are questions.  It doesn’t matter if you believe in the Access Consciousness philosophy or not. They know how to ask questions that will enhance your life.   They always ask you to consider what-if questions.  One of my favorites is: What if you ever asked questions?  Then all possibilities would be open to you.

Question all experiences that you have.  It is not easy to do when emotions come into play and fear and anger distract you. But when something happens, ask yourself positive truth-seeking questions. Like: I wonder how this is going to turn out?  The more questions you ask, the more choices available to you.  Rather than worrying about what you can “avoid losing” in a situation, questions inform you of the near infinite possibilities that exist. Curiosity brings this into your life.

Curious and Growing

Stay curious and seek answers to things that you wonder.  No issue is too big for a good question and no knowledge beyond your grasp. What else is possible? How does it get better? What would it take to change this? What else is possible? What would it take for this to turn out better than I could have imagined? Who am I today, and what grand and glorious adventures am I going to have?  These are just some questions you can ask on most days to steer your Curiosity toward a more positive experience.

Let your curiosity lead you to new experiences and knowledge.  Your life will be fuller and more prosperous by seeking knowledge using your Curiosity. It all starts with an awareness of your thoughts, words, and actions around Curiosity today.  Question everything in the right way, allowing you to grow. Look for the ability to provide right-solid questions.

“I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

“Curiosity is the very basis of education, and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only the cat died nobly.”– Arnold Edinborough

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.” – Voltaire

 

21

Merry Christmas Baby

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I know of few things in life so divisive, contrary, and challenging as dealing with the holiday season—many hard feelings, heavy attachments, and challenging things to “enjoy” the celebration.  Like letting the air slowly out of a balloon, my holiday spirit has diminished a tiny bit; year after year until now, it is just a dim memory of the soul who loved Christmas and all it was about. Of course, I was young then, full of idealism, and had the joy in my heart of receiving and giving.  Where has it gone? Will it ever return, or is it gone forever? I am seeking my Christmas Spirit and searching for these answers. Of course, I know that the answer lies inside of me. Here are a few things I think Christmas could use more of.

1. More Childhood Magic

Christmas is for children in so many ways. The lore of Santa Claus and gifts being left under a tree at night are all magical and sing in concert quite easily in children’s minds. I spent many a December night in my youth trying to figure out the best way to assist Santa on his journey and was convinced on several occasions that I just missed him on Christmas Eve.  But sleep inevitably won.  My parents did their best to provide my siblings and me a magical Christmas time and always managed to use the Sears “wish book” to their advantage. It was quite a process to order things and deliver them to the rural northern town.  But they did it, and along with an extended family of aunts, uncles, grandparents, and great grandparents, we always had more than enough under our tree on December 25th.

Our traditions were simple and followed always. We always hung our stockings which were green with our names at the top. My grandmother knitted them, and mine had an image of Santa on it.  It would be the first thing we were allowed to empty, and it was always full of goodies, candy, toys, and at the bottom, of course, was an orange. No idea why, but there it was year after year. Kind of a misplaced healthy thing amongst all the sweet and unhealthy mess in that tradition.  That one lived on long into adulthood.  Then there were the presents we opened one at a time, and I was always grateful to get gifts and loved playing with the toys and wearing the clothes that made Christmas special. But it was the minutia around the holiday that was just as exciting for me.

2. More Christmas Concerts

Each year our class at school would perform a song or two in the Christmas Concert at the school auditorium. I might have missed my calling because I remember how much I loved to be in front of an audience. It was fun, exciting and I loved the attention.  There were few pictures of these noteworthy performances, but in my mind, they were epic and each year got better and better. One of the biggest disappointments was the year I missed the concert due to chickenpox.  I was going to be Linus.  A great acting career, shot down by a childhood infection.

But I carried on, and year after year, the concert was a harbinger of the season and made me feel like it was Christmas. Today, I think we could do well to have more Christmas concerts for adults where we would get the opportunity to perform and get into the spirit again. But of course, we are all too busy to be bothered by such nonsense, with so many profound things to do and bad things to focus on in the world. But maybe if I and we could connect to that spirit for just a short time, the Christmas season would cease to be such a depressing exchange of money.

3. More Christmas Ghosts Might Help

Another of my favorite things about Christmas was all of the traditional shows surrounding the Christmas season.  From Charlie Brown to Frosty the Snowman, we were all planted in front of the television to see the animation or claymation tell us the stories we knew so well.  There are few stories I enjoy more than a Christmas Carol. It involves a man being haunted by ghosts. What could be more fun than that? It also tells the tale of redemption and the ability of someone who has lost the Christmas Spirit to find it again.

I have felt more like Scrooge as the years have gone along. I feel tired with the whole process, and I wonder what is it all about? I can see the good in people and the negatives in the world. Then in my own life, I always feel like I should know more at this point than I do. But I don’t, which somehow makes the whole season seem lonely. But there is no reason to wallow in misery or loneliness, and it will do little good and only leads to regret many of the choices I have made in the past.  Like Scrooge, it is time to live life today on Christmas morning.

4. More Joyful Spirit

Look at the world inside of yourself, the one only you have access to, and see how much happiness and joy is the focus in there. Or, like most, is the focus on worry, fear, anger, loss, and many other negative emotions which are going to affect your life negatively.  At Christmas time, like all others throughout the year, we choose where our focus goes. Does it go to an appreciation for what we have? Or does it move toward worrying about the things we don’t have?  This contrast is highlighted at Christmas time.

You are the one who decides for you how much joy you experience at Christmas. It is a simple choice to allow more into your heart and life. Each moment provides an opportunity to grow, share and be happy, and at particular times of the year, the option is magnified. More holiday spirit can make your life better and more interesting in all you do. Of course, this is up to you.

More Merry Christmas

Spend some time today, on this Christmas, remembering the magic of Christmas days gone by. Look for that child within you and remember that at some point, they had joy in their heart on this day, and you can touch that with your mind right now and remember it. Whatever activities and traditions surrounding the magic, keep them close, and remember there are things you can do today, right now, that are brand new but may become a tradition for you in the future.  Also, there are ghosts on every holiday. Remember those who you loved who have left this life. I have lost special people, and my life was much richer because of them. Remembering them and their extraordinary gifts to the world is your gift to them today.

And finally, be joyful today, even if it is difficult. To experience joy comes from the inside and is always a choice. The choice of pleasure will allow you to contribute more to others and to enjoy the ride of life a lot more.  Life is either a fantastic ride or a depressing chore, and you are the one who decides for you. So make a good choice and have the merriest of Christmas today!!

“We are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmastime.”

“He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.” ―Roy L. Smith

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others.” ―Bob Hope

“Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.” ―Norman Vincent Peale

“At Christmas, all roads lead home.” ―Marjorie Holmes