Tag Archives: thinking

The Power of Your Choice

What do we all have in common that makes us human?

diffent the same

No matter where you live or what you do to survive, life always boils down to our choices. From who you choose as friends to how responsible you are, it is all decided consciously. We all can choose what we experience.

 Many people have a hard time accepting responsibility for these choices in their lives, but if you look at yourself honestly and in an unbiased fashion, you will see the power your preferences have had on your life’s success or failure.

 Yet often, we fail to look closer and see the common threads that run through us all. Our choices in what we see, who we love, where we go, and what we do are all made by us alone. Think along with me and recognize the power of your choices as you do.

One Connection Through us All

I think that we are all connected.  You are reading this, and my miles away from you, a person you have never met, are connected.  I believe in the energy we produce each all connectedday through the tenor and intention of the thoughts we create.

 Some see God as a being that exists somewhere, guiding us from afar or judging us either good or bad in our actions. Based on some outward notions of right and wrong.

Yet, it seems that God is much closer and more involved than that. He is inside each of us, and when you can quiet your mind, you can hear that power in all things. God doesn’t judge. God guides. How well we listen will provide joy or disappointment in our experience.

I am not looking for a fight to convince you of anything or change what you believe because that is your Connection and, of course, your choice. I know that I have never felt more connected and sure than I do now.  We all have this Connection inside of us and need to look for it and listen to it to know what we should do.  We are all connected, and that makes us human. It is your choice to determine how that Connection affects your life. I feel that anything that provides separation of people is not from God, and anything that connects people is.

The Choice of Kindness

tumblr_lejihkylQ41qcre5zo1_500When I look at all people, I think we all have the choice of kindness every day in all situations we encounter.

Someone yells at you unfairly, and you have a choice, hug them or punch them in the face.  Someone gives you a gift, and you have the same choice. The choice of your action is always with you, not someone else.

 I have never encountered a situation where kindness was not the right thing to do or didn’t make a bad situation better.

 It eases the pain, boosts morale, and makes people feel generally good and hopeful about the future.  All of these happy ships of thought are sent through acts of kindness.  We all choose to be kind or cruel; you decide what the people in your life will be experiencing. The ability to choose to share hearts makes us all human.

Greatness Lies In Us

All people are born with a great talent of some kind. Unfortunately, life seems to present us with a relentless avalanche of experiences tgreatnesshat cause us to forget what this talent is. To the point that we forget we possessed it in the first place.

 There is a passion inside of you and me that is our own. Each of us has this; once you investigate it, you will find your path. The one that makes you truly happy and allows you to connect to life in the best way possible.

Dreams are the vehicles that these passions follow.  You dream of what you would love to do with your life, and your passion and talent make this happen.  Sometimes we create our roadblocks by overthinking things and believing the negativity that others provide.

What if this happens? Or if only that should happen? Or any other million possible limiting questions that can impede you from simply reaching for your dream.  It may seem daunting and too much of a chance, but the only way you will ever know is to create the journey toward your goals. The journey is a powerful thing because that is where life lessons exist.

How much will I cherish the lessons I learn on the way?  Mistakes are great teachers and often bring tasks you need to know to reach the dream eventually.   We are all searching for our true selves and the ability in us that will make us great. Your choice is to seek this talent or let it lie dormant forever. You can’t blame anybody else.

The Dark Side

One of the scary parts of having the freedom to choose is that from time to time, we are going to

We all have a darkness, without it we couldn't recognize the light.
We all have darkness; without it, we couldn’t recognize the light.

Choose wrong.  There is a dark side in everyone, and all people are capable of great goodness and great evil, and it is one of the mysteries that make life delicious to taste. It is a choice.

 Everyone has been on the dark side at some point, and it may have seemed like it was for a good cause, but when you choose anger, fear, intolerance, or hate, you choose the dark side of humankind.

 I am not wise enough to know why, and I only observe and know that from what I have seen, both darkness and light do exist inside every person I have ever met, including myself.

 Accepting this fact is not difficult because nobody is perfect. I recall all the times I chose for selfish, fear-driven reasons, and I know I could have done better.  It is not a criticism of people, only an observation of fact.

 All people have a dark side. Putting it aside and maintaining the light is a show of strength, which is the most difficult choice.

 We are all the same

All people have so much in common that I often find it inconceivable that hate exists merely for arbitrary reasons, race, religion, culture, region, or even sexual orientation.

If people focused on what we have in common rather than their differences, the world would be friendlier and more productive.  I know that people attacking differences in others is a defense mechanism to make them feel safe, but I can always hope that it will change and our commonalities will be more important than how we are different.

What were the most powerful choices in your life?

 

Can You Think??

“Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason, so few engage in it.”
― Henry Ford

thinking
At the very least, you think, my friend.

What It Means To Think

The ability to think is a craft that has been too often disregarded by most people today. We let so many other things fill our minds rather than pure, sober thought. When we use our thoughts, they are often twisted, harmful vines of gossip or judgment that do no positive good to ourselves or anybody else.  The good news is that it is not too late to learn how to focus on the moment, allowing your thoughts to lead away from the negative and toward the positives of creativity.

Conformity Is A Cage of Mediocrity

From the moment I was born, people seemed to push me into a box of conformity.  We are all persuaded and made to “just fit in”  and not be different because when someone is conformity is the jailerso bold as to be different from the crowd, there is no reward, only ridicule from peers and teachers.

The problem with conformity is there is no originality, and without original thought, there can be nothing new, and nothing new will change.  It is a paradox that people strive to fit in when anybody who ever did anything worthwhile stood out, was different, and had original thoughts.  So the first thing you should do is stop being one of the crowd and start being yourself.  When you see a question, don’t just look for the answer; look for the process to get the answer.  Think outside of the box, and don’t be afraid.  Your greatness is just one thought away because ideas do become things.

Choose Your Thoughts Wisely

Choose your thoughts? A perfect friend of mine once told me that there was no way he could choose his studies because his brain just worked too darn fast to try to control.  That may be true. I have no way of knowing, but even my quick-thinking friend can choose which thoughts he gives credence to and which ones he lets float away.  Your mind is a you are what you thinkmachine that works hard to allow you to understand the world. It will think about many things. Some are positive about things you like and support.  Then there are the negative thoughts of gossip, anger, hatred, discrimination, greed, etc.  You choose what to do with your thoughts, entertain them, or dismiss them entirely.  Which direction you decide to go in will determine much about the quality of your life and what you experience.  So always choose your thoughts wisely. What you think will determine the pleasure you experience in life.

What You Put In Your Mind Matters

An old saying is that what you put into your mind is exactly what you will get out of it.  Today we are a society of easy answers and quick fixes.  There is instant entertainment available virtually everywhere now, thanks to smartphones and tablets.  This modernization is all wonderful, except that many people choose mindless games to play and programs to watch with little intellectual value.

Some entertainment can be great, but there are so many negative messages sent through the media and on the internet that it can become difficult to feel even the slightest bit positive about ourselves.  This manipulation is because marketers figured out a long time ago that you will do almost anything to feel good if they can make you feel bad about yourself.  This most often involves buying whatever they sell, making you prettier, sexier, thinner, or more attractive.

Even the shows that should be educational, like the news, drive their programming on negative stories designed to instill fear or spread cheap gossip. Suppose you want to be able to think then, for at least a small portion of time every day read an actual book.  Read about philosophy or ideas that might broaden your mind.  Reading is an interactive process that increases your ability to think. The more you do it, the greater your power.  If you don’t believe me, put down the phone, turn off the computer or television, and read for just half an hour a day.  The results will astound you.  Reading is the key to the doorway of thought, be brave and open it.

Keep Your Mind Open

Once you start thinking, you will think you know it all and are pretty sure open mindabout how the world works.  The most intelligent thing that anyone can do is to understand that no matter how smart they are, they do not, nor will they ever know it all.  There is always something else to learn, some theory to try, some perplexing problem to solve.  Every thought is a step on the path of growth, and you can’t be too surprised when today’s fact turns into a stepping stone to help you reach tomorrow’s truth.

Thinking is a lot like building a pyramid. You can create the top until you place all of the concrete stones at the foundation, then the next level, and then the next.  Keep your mind open to give credence to thoughts you haven’t considered, test them, question them, and evaluate their merits.  Only then can you glean the wisdom or folly of every idea you encounter.  A closed mind will never shed any light on the world, whereas an open mind may provide an opening as bright as the sun.

Someday, You May Need This

When you read this, you may not pay attention right now, which is OK. You may want to hold on to your entertainment, and you may not like to read. Maybe you don’t want to stand out from the crowd because people might talk about you.  That is your choice, and I respect that.  At the moment in life, you think, “ Is this it?”  or “what is life all about?” I want you to come here and read this.  Those questions are the spark of all proper thought, and you will have a hard time finding happiness until you learn to evaluate the messages from your mind.

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”
― Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

Finding Refuge

Refuge-a condition of being safe or sheltered from pursuit, danger, or trouble.

One of the advantages of growing up and living in a place like Maine is the connection you develop to the locations you come in contact with, which provide you with a relationship to nature and a link to who you are and what your life stands for. There are many unique places I have connected with over the years, and to go there, spend time, and think that brings back my history and the events of my life. These places provide me with a refuge. safe to develop who I am and help me piece together how I fit into this world. All thinking, people have places they go to strip away the junk the world heaps on a person as life rolls on and sometimes over us. Being able to think and put things into the proper perspective for ourselves is the purpose of developing a place that provides you with refuge and, hopefully, peace.

A Connection to Nature

Some of the best places for refuge I have found have been in spots where there is a natural connection. I again am fortunate to live in an area with many opportunities like this to take advantage of. There are lakes, rivers, and the ocean readily available and waiting for you to reflect on them. There is a powerful feeling of awe when you can sit and look into something that has been there for thousands of years, and you know you are just one of a million passing visitors. The problems we are facing today always seem a bit smaller when we visit something that existed long before we were born and will be there long after we have left this life. It provides a perspective that generates gratitude. A shadow of my thoughts and feelings will be left there to touch some other visitor at another time. I often feel if I close my eyes and listen hard, I can hear the thoughts of those that have come before me. All have a burden, hope, and dreams to share, even if nature is the only one who hears.

I know I often get weighed down by the events I experience daily and need to let them go, and a bit of time in one of these places of refuge allows me to focus, relax, and reaffirm my priorities about what is truly important to me. We all have down moments in life where our negative emotions get us, and usually when we get our priorities mixed up, putting ourselves at the center of our focus. Visits to nature give me the chance to put the focus where it should be, outside of myself. Remember that the things we are leaving behind are small in the end, and it is the kindness we show to others and the love we give to them that will matter. I learned this lesson in places of natural refuge.

Refuge of Creativity

Rather than a physical place, one of the best places I have found peace and recovery is through the power of creativity. For me, it is in writing. There is a connection between my heart and mind that can come out in the process of writing, and I could not be very balanced without it. Often I write about the things I am working on to clarify it to myself, and sometimes it is to say to the world, “This is what I am feeling, how about you?”  No matter the purpose, creativity allows me to take a negative mood and turn it into more positive energy.

I have written all sorts of things and have gotten into writing something on most days. A refuge that sometimes I take for granted. Then I remember what it was like before I had this outlet, and I feel both grateful for my expressions and hopeful that other people will find their place of creative expression. Even if your feelings are just for yourself, let them happen because they are a part of you. Your emotions come out in artistic creation, and you feel better about everything. Create and find the refuge your mind crafts for you. Bringing something into existence from the recesses of your thought is a powerful and beautiful gift, and it makes all of the world a better place.

Everyday Refuge

Each day we find the places and activities which allow us to be our best selves. For me, I find refuge in the gym and working out. It keeps me centered emotionally and will enable me to keep myself feeling good physically. I also have a refuge at Panera Bread, where I have been coming to write for years. It has people, if you want that, food, but most of all, it has an energy that is welcoming and gives you a great place to think unencumbered. These two things do it for me, but I am sure that if you look at your life, there are everyday places and activities you participate in that allow you to be the best you can be.

I often wonder what great places I will discover in the future to think great thoughts or learn about life. Each moment is an opportunity to figure it all out and move forward in your existence with a plan that will bring you all the money, fame, and success you dream of. That is why we imagine. Places of refuge allow us the chance to build the momentum of thought and action to bring it all into reality.

Our Dreams

To dream about the things you want to create and experience is the essence of life. What has ever been made of value that was first not just a dream in someone’s head? All things ever were built this way. A person is in a situation where something is lacking, and they create a thought to make it better. It could be a drawing, a business idea, a new invention, a plan to build the world’s most giant ball of twine. Whatever the dream, it provides us with a secure refuge from the world’s terrors.

Those people who never dream or, worse yet, discourage all others from giving up their dreams are the worst kind of reality. Society will tell you to give up, put your feet firmly on the ground and forget about those dreams. They are all a lot of hot air about nothing. But in reality, they are the springboard to your greatness—the elevator to the top of your desires. I hope you are the best tomorrow. Anyone who would discourage this or try to destroy it needs to be avoided. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and encourage you to dream. All of your dreams may not work out in the way you plan, but your life will be better for taking refuge in them, if only for a moment. Dream about it and take action to make it all happen in reality. You never know what magic you can accomplish by taking your refuge snugly and entirely inside your dreams.

So take a moment today and look at the places and things that provide you the condition of being safe or sheltered from the world’s dangers. Please take a moment and be grateful for these beautiful places and things because they allow you to be the best. If you choose to move to a different location, and all of your current safe places are taken away, one of the first things you should do is find new ones. I think for all of us to be our best person. We need to have our places and things that allow us to express ourselves. What provides you with a refuge? Do you appreciate it? It all starts with the thoughts you are safe to think because of your sanctuary. The words you consciously choose will explain your place, and the actions taken will be the truth of the situation. Be safe and find your refuge today.

“The game of basketball has been everything to me. My place of refuge, a place I’ve always gone where I needed comfort and peace. It’s been the site of intense pain and the most intense feelings of joy and satisfaction. It’s a relationship that has evolved over time, given me the greatest respect and love for the game.”-Michael Jordan 

“A true friend encourages us, comforts us, supports us like a big easy chair, offering us a safe refuge from the world.”- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“My dreams were all my own; I accounted for them to nobody; they were my refuge when annoyed – my dearest pleasure when free.”- Mary Shelley

 

Courage Quotes

 Courage lets You go in the right direction

 courage
King of the Forest

“If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t go anywhere.” –Unknown

Like everybody else in life, there have been times when I have been faced with circumstances that were not the most pleasant to deal with.  There are really only two choices as to how you decide to face these moments in life.  One is to act out of fear, that you may lose what you have worked for or be hurt irreparably by whatever misstep has come your way.  Or you can face the challenge of the situation head-on and with courage that you will not be conquered by the events of your life and you will not shrink from them.  You will come out on the other end a stronger, better person. Courage is defined as mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty

Quotes of Courage from the Cowardly Lion

I have always liked the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz, how he realizes that if he would just face his life with more courage he would be more happy and successful.  The best part is, that just like all of us, all of the courage that he ever needed was inside him all the time just waiting for him to have the confidence to use it. He just needs to get beyond the limiting belief that he is a coward and always will be.

The ability to summon up courage from inside yourself does not have to be done with a formal ritual, or a special process.  It has to be done by believing in yourself, and your value as a human being.  I know that is all well and good, but how do you really do that? Get by the catchphrase and summon up the courage that you need.

“Courage. What makes a King out of a slave? Courage.  
 What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage.     
What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist or the dusky dusk?   What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage.  
 What makes the Sphinx the 7th Wonder? Courage.  
What makes the dawn come up like THUNDER?! Courage.
 What makes the Hottentot so hot?   What puts the “ape” in ape-ricot?  Whatta they got that I ain’t got?   Dorothy & Friends: Courage!  
Cowardly Lion: You can say that again.

I Can And I Will-Quotes of Courage

courage will allow you to believeOne of the best frames of mind you can build to bring the courage out from inside you is to have the “I can and I will” mentality about life.

When you are faced with a difficult task, that you think you may struggle with, repeat this phrase to yourself, “I can and I will”.  At first, you may not quite believe it, as you try to fight through your own insecurities and fears.

Keep thinking it, “I can and I will”, soon as your past failures and personal limitations fall off to the side you will begin to feel the confidence of this statement, “I can and I will”, your own well of courage which is inside each of us will start to bubble to the surface.  At first like a few small bubbles but as you continue to think and believe, “I can and I will”, more and more will come to you.

Each challenge you face will be faced more and more easily with the courage you have inside you.  You will not always be successful, but you will start to realize that failure will not permanently define you, but your courage will.  You will start to reach higher for things you once never dreamed you had the ability to reach.  And if you fail? So what, “I can and I will” , what you are looking for will happen for you.

 Courage is better than fear

courage over fear,
F**k It You Can Do It

Why then is it so hard to reach inside and summon up the courage that is in each of us just waiting to be used?

Most often it is our own limiting beliefs that stop us from reaching for what we want.  Limiting beliefs are thoughts that have been said so much by ourselves or others that we have finally just stopped questioning them and accept them as true, regardless of what they do to us.

Examples, “I’m not smart enough”, “I don’t have the talent”, “I am too ugly”, “Good things only happen to other people”, “I can’t”,  there are many more.

As you can see if you allow yourself to be boxed into your life by believing statements that are limiting you, you will never be able to reach your potential.  And the bad part is that these limiting beliefs become, in ways, very comforting to us.  They explain why other people are happy and we are not.

If you are hearing that little voice inside your head that is repeating any of these types of limiting beliefs, there is one thing you can do today that will start to erode them away.  Just say, “To heck with that, I’m awesome.”  This phrase carries with it the appropriate emotional emphasis to get you through whatever limits you have placed on yourself and/or your abilities.  Try it when your limiting thoughts come up, “I’m too fat.”  Reply with, “To heck with that, I’m awesome, I am not defined by my weight.”

You will find that once you start to overcome these limiting beliefs, there isn’t really a lot of things that can stand in your way.   Another example is, “Success in business is for other people, not me.”To heck with that, I am as smart and deserving as anyone else in the world.  I can be successful, all I need to do is try.”  Try this with one of your own limiting beliefs and you will see that you have the courage to fight for yourself and to get what you deserve to be happy.  Because the bottom line is that we all deserve to be happy, even you! Our minds need to be reminded of this continually. If you don’t control your mind, someone else will.

I could rattle on all day, but the essence of this article can be boiled down into one sentence that I hope you will read and remember:

We all have courage inside us that will allow us to achieve all of the great things we want to achieve if we will just use it.

That is it, put aside the fear, and limiting beliefs that have held you down for years and summon up the courage that we all have to strive for a dream, or to reach for the goal.  You may or may not get there, but courage allows the journey, and the journey is what life is all about.

 

Quotes of Courage

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”  – Ambrose Redmoon

Courage is not living without fear.    Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway.     – Chae Richardson

Courage is looking fear right in the eye and saying, “Get the hell out of my way, I’ve got things to do.”   -Author unknown

 

Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around.—Thoreau

It is easier to find a score of men wise enough to discover the truth than to find one intrepid enough, in the face of opposition, to stand up for it. –A.A. Hodge

It is curious—curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.– Mark Twain

Cautious, careful people, always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing, never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world’s estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences. —Susan B. Anthony

Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked.–Unknown

Silence is evil’s closest ally. –Gary Amirault

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.—Mark Twain

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.—Gandhi

New paradigms put everyone practicing the old paradigm at risk. The higher one’s position, the greater the risk. The better you are at your paradigm, the more you have invested in it, the more you have to lose by changing paradigms. –Joel Arthur Barker

True courage is not the absence of fear—but the willingness to proceed in spite of it.–Unknown

Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt. –William Shakespeare

A certain amount of opposition is great help to a man. Kites rise against, not with the wind. – John Neal

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage—to move in the opposite direction.– E. F. Schumacher

In the end, they wanted security more than they wanted freedom. –Edward Gibbon (The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire)

Everyday courage has few witnesses. But yours is no less noble because no drum beats for you and no crowds shout your name. –Robert Louis Stevenson

One man with courage makes a majority.– Andrew Jackson

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. – Plato

To know how to say what other people only think, is what makes men poets and sages; and to dare to say what others only dare to think, makes men martyrs or reformers. –Elizabeth Rundle

Fear comes from the Adamic nature—faith comes from the Christ nature– Jacquelyn K. Heasley

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.–Robert Frost

People tend to want to follow the beaten path. The difficulty is that the beaten path doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere.–Charles M. Mathias

If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t go anywhere. –Unknown

But the bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them,glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it. –Thucydides

I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is -try to please everybody.–Herbert Bayard Swope

Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.–James Bryant Conant –

The greatest mistake is life is to be continually fearing that you will make one. –Elbert Hubbard

All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions.–Adlai E. Stevenson

Evil triumphs when good men do nothing. –Edmund Burke

I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom. –Bob Dylan

Except a person be part coward, it is not a compliment to say he is brave. –Mark Twain

There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root. — Henry David Thoreau

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. –Martin Luther King Jr

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. –Anais Nin

 

 

Wishes

What do you wish you spent more time doing Ten years ago?

Five years ago, life was very different.
Five years ago, life was very different.

Ten years bring many life changes. I have changed jobs a few times, moved to new locations, and changed my entire outlook on life.

Looking back,  it is kind of amazing that so many experiences came to me in the short period of a few years.

Now, like most people looking through the lens of experience, there are many things I wish that I had been doing earlier in my life. But all is a process, and you have to follow them step by step. What seems like wasted time is really time to learn.  A few of these lessons follow.

I Don’t Think I Thought Enough.

positive-thinkingOne of the things that I really wish I spent more time doing was thinking.  Not the egoic thoughts of judgment and criticism, I had plenty of those, but time spent contemplating the wonder of life and how to live it and be happy doing it.

I spent way too many years just assuming that I knew the answers when I really wasn’t even aware of the right questions.  It is an inevitable part of the aging process that when you reach the 40’s you start to reevaluate your thoughts, and you start to see through the cracks quite clearly because you are just not happy even though you did all that you were supposed to do.

However, I am also wise enough to know that I couldn’t have possibly spent more time thinking five years ago because I was not ready to absorb the lessons life had for me.  In time, I can only hope that I am a willing receiver and am moving my thoughts in the right direction—kindness, acceptance, and understanding.

Understanding  Friendship Better

pravs-j-hold-on-to-friendshipFriendship is a two-way street, and I was the kind of person five years ago who thought I had many friends.  I had a lot of acquaintances with whom I shared a job or an interest in golf but very few friends.  I wish that I had invested more time in developing those relationships on my part.

When hard times come, you find out who you can count on and whom you can’t.  I don’t blame anyone but myself for this realization.  I think I just expected friendships to continue without any real investment on my part.  Since all relationships are two-way streets, I have to conclude that the disappearance of so many in a time of crisis has to reflect my own contribution to those relationships.

I should have been investing more into those relationships a long time ago.  There are many people I miss. Those who I laughed with sharing a joke over lunch, or just in passing jest. The loss highlights my failure as a friend was a significant shortcoming.  I, of course, would never value friendship as much as I do today if I hadn’t had that experience.  The friends I make in life, and the world are all so very cherished by me. Any person who cares enough about me to invest interest and time is indescribably valued.   Sometimes it is lessons learned the hard way that lasts.

Not Doing It Alone

It is OK to accept a helping hand once in awhile and to give one as well.
It is OK to accept a helping hand once in a while and to give one as well.

There are some dark and difficult times in all lives, and mine was the darkest and most difficult seven years ago.  There is little value in getting into the details because they don’t matter much.  But I was in dire need of help then but did all that I could to avoid getting it.  I pushed away those who cared about me so that my depression and problems wouldn’t “bother” their lives.  I suffered in silence, and the keyword here is suffered.

Suffering is a part of life, but it can be made much less difficult if you don’t choose to suffer all alone.  There were plenty of people willing to help, but when you are in a hole, you don’t see the value.  At least not until long after the need for help is imminent.  I should have asked for help and allowed others to help me. I did not.

This was a valuable lesson for me though I think as I read things people post about struggles that they are having, I am glad to offer support and encouragement to them because they may, in fact, be in a hole of their own if they need help in how to get out. Hopefully, they know to ask.  I may not know the answer, but I will attempt to help.

Ten years have brought a lot of change. I had never written a significant word of any kind in my entire life, I had never heard of a blog, and I was shoulder deep in negative, self-defeating thoughts.  It has been an interesting time period. Any wish to do anything differently is really just a wasted thought because all experiences are a gift that provided the life lessons to become a better person, and for that, I am grateful.

 

Mindless Thought

It is amazing to me how much time we spend thinking. Thinking about this and that all day long, a constant barrage of thought flowing through our minds.  Yet all of this thought production can be distracting and counterproductive if you never choose to look closely at them and see what these thoughts are or what they mean.  The funny part is that we all think our minds, and our thoughts define us. But they don’t. They are just something we produce, not who we are.  The goal for me is to disidentify with the mind and the wild swirling eddy of thought and focus on the person looking at them.  A lot is going on in your head and to become the watcher of the thoughts you are producing is quite an achievement.

Use the Tool

A mind is a tool. It has great power to remember, create, problem solve and even run our bodies. But it isn’t who we are, any more than a helpful garden tool is us. It is a valuable tool we can use to create things, to make decisions, and the mind is the biggest factor determining what we accomplish in this life.  Learning to use the tool we have and not identify with who we are is the trick.  Our educational system does not guide how to do this, and most information we are exposed to makes no differentiation between yourself and your mind.  But they are definitely two different entities.

Take a moment and look at your thoughts without judgment. Take five minutes and type whatever you are thinking without any filter or judgment. Then analyze what you are thinking about. If you are the mind, how can you sit back and listen? Something is creating these thoughts, but it isn’t you.  Our thoughts come from a combination of our experiences and new stimuli that enter our lives.  Most often, our mind tells stories based on faulty programming and half-truths based on manipulations of others. If you write your honest thoughts down for five minutes, you will know where your thoughts are coming from.  And with real evaluation, you can trace them to their origin.  Then you can choose if this is a thought you really want to entertain or not. That is becoming conscious, and the choice very few people have made.  Rather than use this tool, the tool uses us and moves our lives along the conveyer belt of life as if we are on autopilot.

Think Where it Matters

Lots of thoughts we have about ourselves are extremely negative. We speak to ourselves in a manner we wouldn’t tolerate from anyone else. Our perceived shortcomings, failures, or personal lack are magnified, and if you listen, there will be words spoken in your mind that are unhealthy and mean.  Thoughts about our physical appearance or personal worth on the negative need to be identified and released. The person who most needs your kindness and understanding is you.  I have known people who go out of their way to be kind and give to everyone else, but they are overly critical and mean when it comes to them. This is obviously a problem with self-esteem and personal achievement. If you deep down think you aren’t as smart, talented, or deserving as everyone else, how can you ever become successful?  You can’t.  You are defeating yourself.

We too often let our imaginations negatively run our lives.  We spend time lost in the past, full of pleasant victories or devastating defeats. We color the past how we want and time spent there takes you away from spending time in the only place that matters.  The same can be said of the future. The future will happen whether we think of it or not. There is nothing wrong with planning. That is responsible, but worrying about everything that might happen is a fool’s errand. It is paying money for a debt that most likely will never exist. And if it does enter your life, it won’t be any easier to deal with.  Time spent thinking in the future takes you away from spending time in the only place that matters.  Where is this place?  Where does it matter?  That is the now. This moment. That is all we are ever promised and all we ever have.

Living in the Moment

Becoming intensely conscious of the moment is a difficult practice. Even the most diligent person is going to find their mind drifting off into other places.  The goal is to develop the instrument of the mind so that it can still be used for thinking of practical purposes, using it for discovering the best way to do things or create new things or become the best at something that you can. But to eliminate the involuntary deluge of negative dialogue that is unnecessary, unhealthy, and a waste of time.

Spend an entire day noticing your thoughts. When they inevitably drift out of the moment, and you notice it, you are back in the moment automatically.  This will allow you to look at how often you spend your time thinking about this moment and how much you spend in the traps of the past and the future.  Returning to the now continually allows you to live in the moment, which is the only reality there is. If you are at work, be there. If you are at the beach, be there. If you are at the gym, be there.  Developing this skill will allow you to become a watcher of your mind and put you in charge of the tool. This is a power that will allow you to get out of the way of your thought stream and use your mind to create, solve problems and enjoy your life. What more could you want?

“Life is like a game of chess. To win, you have to make a move. Knowing which move to make comes with IN-SIGHT and knowledge and learning the lessons accumulated along the way. We become every piece within the game called life!”

“Much more surprising things can happen to anyone who, when a disagreeable or discouraged thought comes into his mind, has the sense to remember in time and push it out by putting in an agreeable, determinedly courageous one. Two things cannot be in one place.”

“The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms.” ― Socrates

“Never underestimate the power of thought; it is the greatest path to discovery.” ― Idowu Koyenikan

Questioning It

Curiosity-Quotes-21Children have a natural sense of wonder and curiosity about all things. How does that work? Why is that color? Who is the tallest?  The smartest?  There are no limits to the questions and the knowledge that children seek. We were all like that at one point, and to return to that kind of mentality could only be a positive for more experienced people.

Curious Again Like A Child

As an adult, I have found that this curiosity and wonder are discouraged and seen almost as a weakness.  You are expected to become an expert in your field, and experts don’t make inquiries.  There should be no need for questions, no learning of new things. You understand life and how it works. You surely must be a failure if you don’t understand life and all of its intricate moves by the time you are 40.

The truth is that nobody knows all there is to learn about life because there is always going to be some aspect of this journey that can be expanded upon. Physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  Choose something and pursue a childlike curiosity about it and feel the wonder that will result from it.  Children don’t worry about what someone else thinks about their actions; and they are just thinking.

Question Everything

curiosity ffffLearning to ask the right questions can change your life.  A question will determine your thoughts and your words as you work out the answer.  These will lead to the actions that you take and determine the success that you experience. Ask the right questions: What should I focus on to make a lot of money today? What action can I take to be successful right now? What million-dollar idea do I see? What talent should I focus on today?  Once the question is asked, your mind will begin to work on it, even when you are not consciously considering it. Your subconscious will help you work on it.

Never be afraid to get clarity about the information that you are looking for. Be clear about the goal by curiosity-quotes-images-3-0d425dd3asking the right questions. Not asking questions due to a fear of looking less than intelligent is acting less than intelligent. Form your questions wisely because the thoughts in your mind today will determine the reality you experience tomorrow.

Watching Thoughts

Inside all of us, there is a constant running dialogue of thought. This thought stream is going on all the time, and we never take a break.   In meditation or just moments of conscious awareness, you can pull back and notice all of these thoughts happening and how they affect you.  Left unchecked, there is no filter, and thoughts can positively and negatively run all over the place.  Each thought that we choose to engage with will dictate feelings felt, spoken words, and action.  It is important to listen to this talk and see where your thoughts are leading you, and then you can consciously pick and choose the thoughts you want to act upon.  The positive and negative experiences in your life are largely under your control by the thoughts you choose to engage with and those you let pass you by. Choose well!

How to Let it Slide

Letting thoughts slide by us is a skill our society doesn’t teach.  When you are conscious of the thoughts being created by you, you can look at each one and determine if it is one to accept, interact with, or investigate further. Or should you just let it slide by and move into the ether of forgetfulness?  The use of simple questions will help you determine how to treat your thoughts.  Where does that come from? Who does this thought belong to? Is it helpful?  Is this good for me or anyone else? 

Ask these questions about all the thoughts you entertain and hear the answers.  Your initial instinct about these things is usually going to be the right one.  Thoughts come from society, people we have contact with, the media, our education, our life experience, basically all things we have experienced in some way have led to the thoughts in our minds.  Where you choose to put your attention determines the emotional tenor of your life. If you are continually unhappy: Look at your thoughts.  If you are happy all the time: Look at your thoughts.

Three thoughts to Avoid

Moving beyond the continual thoughts and move into a more positive existence is to notice and eliminate these three types of thoughts. Notice when you use them and how they affect your general mood.

  1. The need for control- Rather than allowing things to be as they are, you constantly think everything needs your personal approval and guidance to work out how you want.   Trying to control outcomes is building an attachment to one particular outcome. That means that suffering will result if things work out any other way, even if that other way was better than you could have imagined.  Let go of the need to control everything and focus on reacting as your best, highest self to everything.
  2. The need for approval– One of my weaknesses in life is always worrying about what others thought of me.  I have found that first, they don’t think of me very often, and second, the thoughts of others only affect you as much as you let them. When you spend your time doing things you imagine others will approve of, you are not living from your true self.  You are living from a lie created by other people. You more than likely don’t have your best interest at heart.  Notice yourself thinking about how another will react, then do what you know is right, regardless of these imagined thoughts in someone else’s head. You will be living and be acting from your true self.
  3. The need to judge-Thousands of years of evolution and instinct are wrapped up in our thoughts. In years past, our ability to size up a person or a situation was a life or death decision.  Now our mind is thrust into a situation where we allow judgment to define all people we meet. Too tall, too loud, wrong religion, too young, too old, or any other factor a person can use to categorize and usually with negative connotations.  Judgment is the opposite of acceptance. To be accepted, you have to accept others as they are. See these thoughts forming in your head, and in most cases, it is the healthy, kind thing to let them slide on by.  If you run into a knife-wielding maniac, it is good judgment to avoid him. But it is not good judgment to treat everyone like a knife-wielding maniac.  Don’t let your self-talk go crazy.  Recognize the need to judge for what it is.

Thinking well and being aware of thoughts can bring positive things to your life if you know what is happening and listen to the thoughts you say to yourself. Never accept thoughts that are degrading to you or put you down in any way. Only accept thoughts that you would find acceptable to say to another person.  Often we are far harsher with ourselves than we would ever be speaking to someone else.  This is a vital part of learning to care about yourself and appreciate all of the good things you bring to the world. Until you appreciate them, it will be hard for others to see them as well.

In fact, you cannot have a positive, exciting life and a negative mind.
~ Joyce Meyer

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.
~ Zig Ziglar

If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, you never will change the outcome.
~ Michael Jordan

A bad attitude is the worst thing that can happen to a group of people. It’s infectious.
~ Roger Allan Raby

The only disability in life is a bad attitude.
~ Scott Hamilton

The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.
~ Foster’s Law

 

Learning Mindset

“I just can’t do the math!” “I don’t learn very easily.” “I can’t pay attention long enough to learn.” 

If you have ever entertained any of these limiting beliefs before then, I am here today to dispel the myths of these thoughts, even though I have never met you or seen your academic ability before. Here is the secret we were never taught in our education system. You are capable of learning anything. Anything at all.  Now, will you learn at a different pace? In your way? Maybe but when you have been force-fed information in one accepted method, it isn’t easy to recognize your abilities.  Too many have been fed messages of not being good enough or right in the way they think, and soon they stop trying and accept they will not be successful at learning certain things. This is a lie, and it is wrong. You can know anything, and here is why.

Working The Brain Cells

The human mind is a great tool. We each have one, but it is up to us to determine what information is essential and something we want to learn and what is not. Each decision we make will drive our experience in learning and, more importantly, our learning attitude.  Here are some facts. When you start to learn something new, it can be an initial struggle because you have to build the connections in your mind called dendrites, allowing the information to process and the activities to occur. That is what learning is.

Every time you learn something new, your brain is being reshaped. This process is called neuroplasticity.  Where the unique experiences you have become a part of your basic biology. Meaning your brain develops neurons that provide paths to understanding things and doing things. Dendrites are fibrous extensions from neurons that grow as a lesson is learned. Every healthy person can do this in all areas of learning. The only thing that stops it is a limiting belief of some sort. Something you have agreed to because of circumstance or experience in your life.

The more you experience something in reality through practice or mental visualization, the more you create a neural pathway that allows the neural transmitters to move through a synapse into the dendrites. This process is the way your brain learns, grows, and changes. Learning new things expands your mind.  A lack of activity will atrophy a reason and weaken these firing synapses.

Belief Is The Catalyst

Since we all have this ability to learn anything, the only thing that stops us is our own accepted thoughts about anything. Real learning is not easy, meaning there will be some failures as you figure it out and your brain starts to build the synapses you need.  It is OK, and in fact, will allow you to make stronger connections as your mind takes the lessons learned and adds them to the process. This goes for everything from a physical skill like shooting a basketball to a mental gift like calculus.

Our mental ability to believe we can understand whatever it is we are setting out to learn will determine our success in that endeavor. Or it will determine our failure.  That could be seen as a lot of pressure, but I prefer to look at it as the ultimate personal power. We are all responsible for ourselves, what we learn, and how we apply that to our lives. So be optimistic about your abilities, and your success will be attainable.

Pruning the Mind

When you do not use a thought or a neural cluster, the brain will take neurons away from that cluster and use them elsewhere.  So the thoughts you choose are critical. For example, I was a very ardent baseball player when I was a youth, and my brain created a lot of neural clusters designed for me to hit, catch, and

Just like pruning a bush, your mind prunes its synapses as you sleep. So what you focus on, you keep.

throw easily. But over the years, I do not do those things, and the brain has found a better use for those neurons.

I tried to play some whiffle ball once quickly and was extremely frustrated at the foreign feel of hitting. But, with a bit of practice, the good news is that you can rebuild the neural pathways and much quicker.  That is where the phrase, “Just like riding a bike,” comes into play. You will quickly remember and rebuild those skills.

Pruning takes place at night when you are asleep, and this is when your mind determines which pathways need to be strengthened and which ones can be forgotten.  How do they make this choice? They don’t you do, by your thoughts, actions, and emotions.  These things show the mind what is important to you and held in your focus. It will treat the fertile garden of your mind just as you prioritize it.  Learning to visualize and use your imagination can control the pruning and build the neural pathways you want.  That is the power and responsibility we all have in our lives, right now today!

“There is nothing I can’t learn!” Say it with conviction. You will feel the confidence build back in you.

To believe anything else is like poison to the mind!!

Thoughts and Reality

thouths matterAre you aware that everything we think and do matters in the reality we create?  This is not something that I knew all my life, and it is a concept that I think everyone should contemplate at least a little each day.  When you are looking at your life experiences and wondering why you are where you are, look back at your thoughts, choices, and actions of the past, and there will be a direct connection to the path that you are on right now, the job you work, or the relationship you are in. Your life is the extension of what you believe about yourself and the world.

You Can’t Fool Everyone.

As a young person, I thought I was pretty smart. There were times where I could manipulate situations through lies and deception to make things work out my way seemingly.  I told lies to people that nobody could have possibly known were not true.  I believed there was no harm in manipulation or deceiving someone else for a short-term gain.  Yet, that has not been the case.  I have paid the price for every deception I have ever perpetrated in my life in the long-term.

All of your choices have repercussions. The energy in your life is going to attract more of the same. If you deceive, prepare to be deceived. If you lie, prepare to be lied to. If you are honest, get ready for honesty from others. It is a fact of life, and the way life works. I wish someone had told me this earlier. I was never as smart as I thought.

It IS How Your Play the Game

It is one of the greatest things about the Universe and how it all works that nobody really gets away with anything in the long run.  Often I have seen a person seemingly benefit from doing something that is not right.   It seems unfair that someone should benefit from doing something wrong, while those who do things right seemingly see no tangible benefit (besides having a clear conscience and morals and happy life).   But you shouldn’t be upset because you are looking at the scoreboard in the middle of a contest, and the final score always tells a different story, one that defines how you played the game.

Doing what treats others with respect, understanding, and kindness is always the right thing to do. Follow this guide, and when the final score is tallied, you will be far ahead in any way that matters.

The Great Thing Is

There is no escaping the fact that in the end, thoughts that come from love lead to happy people, and the choice to react and think from fear generally leads to misery in the long run.  To prove it, honestly look at your life and analyze something that you are not happy about.  Make a list of the thoughts and actions you have about that thing, not only right now but in the past.

change thought change worldIt is human nature to feel like we are being singled out and life isn’t fair, but when you do this little exercise, most often you are going to see what actions you took, thoughts that you had, or beliefs you cultivated that put you right where you are at this moment.

Here is the part of being grateful for. This can change at any moment.  There are countless stories about people who seem in a day to have changed their lives, themselves, and their circumstances.  None of the personal changes we experience in life would ever occur if we didn’t make the conscious effort to change the way we think about something or a belief that we once held.

We all have the same ability to make these changes, and they start with our thoughts.  I am grateful that all that we think matters.

You make a choice every day about how your scoreboard is going to read.