Tag Archives: happy

22

Some Things I Think About

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Our thoughts are our own. No matter how hard the people we know, the media, or society tries to determine exactly what you think, the ultimate thoughts you entertain on a moment-to-moment basis are chosen solely by you.  The mood, kindness, and productivity of these thoughts (or lack thereof) will lead to who you become and what you experience tomorrow.  The things we think about the world, other people, and most importantly, we will determine the turns our life takes and the relative success or failure we find in our existence.  So the question becomes an important one. What do you think about it?  You can spend many hours with someone and lie next to them at night, but you will never know their thoughts.

What do you think about the world?

We live in a society in the United States where people experience unprecedented freedom of movement and thought. Yet, we have a culture bombarded with images of fear and lack. Watch mainstream media, and you will feel your life is at risk by walking out your door. Every person you meet has terrible intentions to kidnap you or someone you love or commit an act of terrorism.  All of this creates a culture of fear convenient for those marketing what do you think about?to you but not so good for enjoying life.  Some dangers exist. That is life, but the majority of people and situations are not going to hurt you.

It has been my life experience that most people will go out of their way to help you if you need it.  They do this expecting nothing back. It is done because it is the right thing to do. None of this makes headlines on the news, though, because madness and fear sell products. Kindness does not.  This happens simply because you are looking for anything to make you feel better or safer when you are in fear. You don’t need anything when you are happy, safe, and content. What do you think about the world?

What do you think of other people?

Other people are a mystery because we don’t know what they are thinking. But we are quick to judge, evaluate, and label them.  It is thousands of years of instinct that cause us to do this.  Our ancestors had to quickly judge another person’s threat, kindness, or advantage. Their lives depended on it.  Our minds are programmed to look for problems and threats.  Looking for the good in someone is more complex and takes a little effort. But look for the good in all people out there, and almost always, you will find it.

The thoughts you entertain about those other people will lead to how you view them.  If you are mistrustful, judgmental, mean, and limiting, then most of the people you meet will be reflecting that right back at you.  Make sure that everyone in the world is selfish jerks to muck up your life. But the real issue isn’t them, but your thoughts about them.  Even the biggest jerk in the world has something good about them.  They often have just forgotten that it is there.  If you choose, those thoughts of kindness and acceptance of others will also be reflected in others. Try to choose positive thoughts about people.

What do you think about yourself?

This is the place where nobody will know what you think but you. We never talk to anyone as much as we talk to ourselves. Yet, we don’t think about how we carry on these conversations.  How you think about your relative worth will be reflected in your thoughts all the time.  It is easy to look at our physical appearance, accomplishments, or mistakes in life and beat ourselves up continually about them.  I am too heavy, too thin, don’t have enough money, a big enough house, or whatever things we perceive we lack.  If we spend our thoughts thinking of what we lack materially or personally, we will lack.

Choose rather than focus our thoughts on our good qualities and what we can and want to accomplish in life.  We are conditioned from childhood not to brag about our good qualities. It is an easy step to mean we should be ashamed of our good qualities.  But that is a mistake. How we think about ourselves will be the most significant factor in our successes or failures. If we do not believe in ourselves, then what anyone else thinks isn’t going to matter or help.  Inside each of us is a great person with talent, and we all have great qualities. Many people have buried them deep underneath the tangled weeds of the expectations of others.  Seek that person and know the goodness in you, and good things will result.  Be kind, loving, and accepting of yourself; it is easy to be that way about others.

What is it that you are thinking? Be conscious of the positives and negatives you are thinking about the world, other people, and yourself, and you will see how you think is going to dictate the things you experience in the world.

“Your circumstances may be uncongenial, but they shall not remain so if you only perceive an ideal and strive to reach it. You cannot travel within and stand still without.” James Allen

“Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world.”  Eckhart Tolle

 

21

Suffering

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It was pointed out to me today there is a slight misconception about my perspective of life. I write about my philosophy, which is one of self-improvement. Some seem to miss life is full of challenges that cause suffering in my experience virtually every day. In the past, I had fewer tools in my toolbox to deal with them, but I have dedicated myself over the past ten years to become better at handling these learning moments and being able to have a more productive and enjoyable life. To be clear, I am not happy all the time. In fact, over the past year, I would suggest there was a lot more “unhappy” in my emotional vault. But the hope is that I am not stuck with the suffering. I can overcome it, learn a lesson, and become a better person because of it. You can make conscious choices, which will allow you to find meaning in life and even enjoy the process if you open your mind to them. These are the processes I am writing about, not a “pie in the sky” ode to unconditional happiness. Here is what I have learned.

I am Responsible

Every person in the world makes a thousand decisions during each day we live. We decide everything from which clothes to wear to treating a rude person we stand in line next to at the bank. My life is no different. I make many decisions and try to make them with honesty and integrity at each moment. I don’t always make the best choices. Sometimes I eat things I shouldn’t. Sometimes I say the wrong something at the wrong time. There are even days I run a red light if nobody is around. But the one thing I always am is responsible for my choices in every way.

If I am not reaching my body weight goals because I choose to eat things not healthy for me, it is because of my poor decision. I can’t blame the food or the time of day I felt weak. Or the fact that I was feeling down because something negative occurred. No, I alone am responsible for the choices and have to accept the consequences. It is my responsibility, even if my favorites don’t bring the most desirable results. Sadness, regret, worry, anger, and other negative emotions are a part of life. But I think many don’t read here that it is your most important choice of how you choose to deal with them. You can allow them to make you bitter and angry, or you can want to learn, develop, and become a better person. I hope that the better person is the result of my suffering.

We are Not Supposed to Be Anything

The idea we are supposed to be happy all the time is unrealistic for anyone. Some may think we are supposed to feel joy and wonder about our situations, but that isn’t realistic. I have written many times that happiness is a choice, and I believe it is, but that doesn’t mean you walk around with blinders to the weak treatment others send your way or the poor feelings about yourself and the job you lost, or the disappointment you feel. I know there is no “right” way to feel at any moment.

We are not supposed to be happy, joyous, intelligent, winning, sad, disappointed, or angry. All people will, at some point, have to deal with all of these emotions, and they will do to you what you allow them to do. The thing is that how you choose to deal with them is your personal choice, and I have had to do this continually throughout my life. Do I get bitter because someone was dishonest with me? Do I carry a hatred inside for someone who has harmed me? It would be easy to do sometimes, but it wouldn’t represent the kind of person I strive to be. That is why I write about things like the power of forgiveness, how fear affects us, guilt, and dealing with our emotions. Not to discount the negative things we all deal with but to provide a path for hope for something better. It is a choice we all make for ourselves every day. There is nothing you have to be to be healthy. Just be yourself.

Darkness Walks with Light

I have thought of the events the past year has brought over and over again. It amazes me to see the balance of dark and light in my life. If you look at the people who have entered my life, left my life, and just influenced me, there is a positive balance between light, which was enjoyable, and darkness, which, of course, was not. Moments of joy, wonder, understanding, caring, and love found a check from equal moments of pain, disappointment, fear, anger, and disillusionment. It makes you wonder if the light is worth it that maybe we should live in a shady area in between where there are no great things but no horrible things either.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work without contrast. Darkness provides a method of accomplishment; light never could. My experience with night has driven me to seek harder for the light and accomplish what before would have been impossible. The sun makes you get comfortable, like a beautiful warm blanket. It envelopes you and makes you never change. Change is inevitable and constant, so those things don’t go together. I had to learn to lift the blanket, forget the warmth, and dive into the cold of the darkness. This challenge is not something I write about often because the real lesson isn’t to embrace the difficult but to keep moving forward and maintain a sense of hope for the future. Find dignity in life despite things not being comfortable. The desire is there is more light in your future, and positive choices at this moment might help bring that about.

Being My Best

In the final analysis, I look at the idea that writing about being at peace and understanding that there is happiness in life available all the time is not a weakness or, worse unrealistic. A person can choose to look at their circumstances and see the problems. They can also look at the general state of chaos in the world and feel a sense of despair. But what will all that negativity in the costume of reality bring you? I am not powerful enough a person to solve all of the world’s problems, or even to make anyone else’s life better if they choose not to want that but………. I can make some other choices.

There are small things I can do every day to make my little part of the world better. Make simple choices to treat people with respect, kindness, and caring in day-to-day interactions. To try not to put any difficulty on people that have value to you. I strive to become the best person and succeed in life, equal to my talent and ability. To raise and fall in life and on the journey to my destiny to experience happiness. Joy is a choice I am making, proudly and thoroughly, and I hope that the great people I know have the strength to feel pleasure.

“Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.” ~Ram Dass

“Suffering by nature or chance never seems so painful as suffering inflicted on us by the arbitrary will of another.” Arthur Schopenhauer

“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life. “Horace

 

“Suffering is a corrective to point out a lesson which by other means we have failed to grasp, and never can it be eradicated until that lesson is learnt.” Edward Bach

“It is by suffering that human beings become angels.” Victor Hugo

“Suffering is the positive element in this world. Indeed it is the only link between this world and the positive.” Franz Kafka

“It’s at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys.” Emil Zatopek

“When suffering comes, we yearn for some sign from God, forgetting we have just had one. “Mignon McLaughlin

21

Your Power

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It isn’t something most people dwell on, but each of us contains a personal power we release into the world every day. We do this with the things we choose to think about and the actions we decide to undertake in life.  These choices determine if we are dominant positively or negatively. That is a magical thing to realize. Your consciousness will determine just how you are going to affect the world.  Your pledge to maintaining a positive mental attitude supported with like actions will allow you to produce a force in your life you will want to represent you.  Take a moment, and honestly, look at your thoughts and see if you are expressing your power in the right way for you.

Self Perception

When you think of yourself, what is it you see? Is there an influential person who makes choices, lives by them, and accepts the responsibility for them.  Or do you know a person who is just trying to get along, following directions, and looking for ways to fit in and not rock the boat?  Most of us fluctuate somewhere between being dominant and being weak. But the choice to be assertive is a personal one, and it starts with choosing to have a mindset of positive power.

You can choose today to entertain thoughts which are of a successful person. A person who makes excellent choices will want to live with the consequences of their actions.  There is a competent person there who deserves all of the good things life can bring you. If you are letting any other thoughts enter your consciousness, then you are limiting yourself. It is not arrogant to see the good things in yourself and live from them. It is intelligent and healthy.

Visualize Your Best Version of Things

Most people don’t realize the power their imagination holds for their lives. Nothing was built in any realm of man that didn’t first exist in someone’s imagination.  Your creative abilities are as high as anyone else’s if you choose to develop your skill.  This action is suitable for creating your life, just as it is in creating something physical. How you look at things matters.

The choice is to look at yourself as confident, vibrant, and happy now and always. If you don’t feel this way, start to visualize life more robust and secure. Picture in your mind what life would be like if you thought the power to see yourself as confident in your choices and abilities to follow through with your ideas. It will go a long way toward being successful.  It will get you past any short-term failure and keep your momentum moving to more compelling life.  Visualize the best you that you want to experience, and you can create it.

Develop a Positive Mindset

All lives include suffering. That is the way of life. It is how you face these challenges that define who you are and what you stand for. The talent to maintain a mindset that hopes for the best in all situations is a power that few people can cultivate.  But it is a path that will allow you to see the suffering as just an experience.  Life is going to change. Sometimes those changes are easy, and sometimes they are exhausting emotionally and mentally.  Perspective is the thing.

Looking at any situation and carrying hope for the best to come out of it will allow you the chance to do just that. A positive mindset is not a practice of ignoring the difficult things in life but understanding them as a part of the process and not a definition of life.  Negative thoughts exist; they are harmful because of our perception, and that perception is adjustable.  Great things can still come from situations in which we suffer. It may be three or four moves down the board, but it happens all the time if you have an attitude that expects the best in your daily life and your future.  Always expect excellence, and most often, that is what you will get.

Choose the Good

One of the factors you should develop in your life is the element of choice that is always available to us. We have to ability to choose one road, or it is opposite at all times we do this right now.  Should I go to sleep early or not? Should I eat this or that?   Being able to weigh the different options is a part of being human, and being aware that this choice exists the advantage of more active consciousness. It allows you to look at all things in your life and realize there is a choice. You can consciously choose images and actions, create the desired reality, or choose something else. That is powerful.

Understanding what you want in life can be a real challenge. There are many options, and to get some things, other things need to be let go.  But with a visualization of your goals and a belief in yourself to take affirmative action and create positively beautiful things can enter your life, regardless of where you find yourself right now.  The more extensive the challenges you overcome, the more valuable the experience. That is your power, and you can choose to use it or not.

“A clear vision, backed by definite plans, gives you a tremendous feeling of confidence and personal power.”-Brian Tracy.

“If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”-Tony Robbins

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.”-Laozi.

 

21

Feel Happier

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This is a much more difficult concept than it appears on the surface.  You can’t just will yourself to be happy. It has to come from the focus of your daily consciousness. As you become more aware of positive things inside you, the level of happiness you experience will increase. Too often, I have allowed my thoughts to dwell on negative things I don’t have rather than positive things happening all around me. I wanted to share my 5 secrets to experience a bit more happiness every day. They are not difficult to do and will make a huge difference in your life if you really focus on them each day.

Accept your current situation.

acceptanceMany people look at their job, their family life at this moment, or any other experiences they are involved in, and they choose to be unhappy because it is not where they think they “should” be. Or even where they wish they could be. Challenges arise, people leave, relationships end. We wish they wouldn’t.

At this point, you have a choice, to spend your time living in the past of what used to be, in the future of what may or may not come, or to live exactly where you are right now. The only time you have is right now, and the only place is where you are. So take the time to experience it fully, and if you don’t like what you have, it is time to start changing. You are where you are, and your life is what it is.

This doesn’t mean you have to like where you are or have to stay there,  but it is where you are.  Until you honestly accept that reality, it won’t be easy to move on to situations that will bring more enjoyment and happiness into your life.

Gratitude is the Attitude

gratitudeLearning to be grateful for the things you do have will allow you to feel more happiness inside.  At first, it may be difficult to count the good things in your life, but when you start to be grateful, you will start to enjoy all of the little things in your life. You will start to look for things in life that you can be grateful for. It will open the door to an abundance of what you want and need in life.

I also believe that once you start to feel grateful for the things you do have, then it will create that gratitude attitude and attract more desirable things to your life. You never really see all the good things you have and how fortunate you are when focusing your attention on something you don’t have.  Focus on what you do have, and that energy will increase. Soon you will find you have more great things and you will be happier. It is all about gratitude.

Be Passionate About What You Do

passionFind out what you are passionate about and do that.  It is a simple solution to being unhappy, but if your job or activities in life make you unhappy, discard them for things that do make you happier.  Find where your passion exists and do that thing, fully and completely.  We were each put here to do something unique to us, and this will be your passion.  You have to feel it.

I know that making a living is important, but at what cost does it come? Are you willing to leave your passion and love for something in the rearview for the love of money? We have only a finite portion of time to spend on this planet, and to spend it on anything other than what makes you happy and alive seems to be a waste. So when you feel unhappy about your career choice, remember this. When you revel in your job, remember this.

Kindness Counts

kindnessThere are no limits to the good that kindness can do for you. If you are spending your time feeling sorry for yourself, you will be centered only on yourself and have nothing to do but feel sorrier.  Being kind to someone else is like rolling a pebble down a hill. It will build momentum.

The secret is that by being kind to others, you are really only being kind to yourself. To encourage someone who is down, compliment someone, so they feel better, perform a random act of kindness.  Whatever you do, you will find that the flames of happiness will start to grow in your heart.

Live for Now

live for todayThis goes back to previous thought, but all you have is today, and making that the happiest time you can is about all you can do. You can’t change the past, you can feel bad about it and be devastated by it, but the past is over.

Today is all you are left with. Tomorrow may never arrive. There are no guarantees. All you have is today.  Making the best of what is with you right now is the only sensible thing to do.

Don’t sit around and wish for tomorrow or yesterday; neither is going to help you. Instead, look for today for your solace. Enjoy the little things that make it great. A cup of coffee, a talk with a friend, the beauty of nature around you.  All of these things do not cost much money or are totally free.    Much like being grateful, enjoying the moment you live in will allow you to be happier. This is mindfulness.

Be happy like a baby!
Be happy like a baby!

In the End

In the end, whether you are happy or not comes down to a simple choice, be happy or don’t. You have very little control over what is happening to you right now, and stuff will happen whether you want it or not.  You can be unhappy about it and spend your life in spiteful misery, or you can choose to accept whatever is and be happy.   It is all a matter of attitude, and changing yours will provide a difference as stark as night and day. So be happy and feel great!   

 

Life Lessons

What Matters Most

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When you are 80 years old, what will matter to you the most?

4058994722_600px_Elongated_circle_80svg_xlargeLife once looked  like a straight road. A path to a predetermined end that was so simple to follow that it would be like playing a board game.

Put your marker at the start, take your turn, roll the dice and see if you can get to the finish before anybody else with more stuff than you need.  Life is not playing out that way for me, does it for anybody?

I know enough to know, that I do not know that I don’t know anything about what life might be like in a year from now, let alone in thirty-one years from now.

 I can only take a blind guess at what I hope will matter to me if I am fortunate enough to join the ranks of the octogenarians.

I Will Have to Move It, Move It

I am going to be happy that I have my physical freedom. At 80, the machinery will be a bit worn out but it will all still work to propel me to whatever task I set before me.

Even though it takes a bit longer to get where I am going, I will still get there.  There will be peoplemattermostsome aches and pains, even the best antique vehicle needs a bit of tender loving care, but that will not stop me.

 It will matter to me that I am still an  active participant in life, meeting with people and sharing stories, and still contributing to the lives of others around the world.

 Being active is not the most important thing in life, but I think it is one of the things that allows me to be a participant rather than just an observer of life.

Still Writing after all These Years

Writing will still matter and still be a significant part of my life. I imagine there will be a bit more of an urgency to get all of my thoughts collected for posterity’s sake before the clock runs out.  I am not sure what I will be writing about then because really I am not

Who knows what types of machines the writing will be done but I will be doing it!
Who knows what types of machines the writing will be done but I will be doing it!

sure what I will write about today until I do it, yet it does get done.  There are an infinite number of thoughts, topics and interesting tidbits that need to be explored, discussed and thought about.  Do my thoughts really matter?

 They do to me and that is all that really counts.  By the time I am 80 there will be so many different thoughts that I have recorded that I may have forgotten all of them.

 I know this will happen because it already does.  Writing will definitely still be important to me.

Sit a Spell, Tell Me About It

The way that we interact with each other is going to be more important to me when I am 80 than it is today. I know it will matter to me because so many people have already made stupid thingsan impact on my life, some will never know the permanent marks they left on my heart, mind, and soul.

 Yet those marks will be there none the less and I do not think that the next thirty years are going to be filled with any less interaction, in fact, I am seeking much, much more.  Relationships of a personal nature are the way that we connect directly with other people and share our thoughts and accept the thoughts of others.

It may be the most important thing or just one of several, but to share what you know, think and feel with others and to be well received is a great gift.  It may even fool you into thinking that you know something about life.  I am sure that life will still have a twisted sense of humor when I am 80 as it did when I was 40 or 30 or 10.

The World Will Matter Then As It Does Now

Even if I make it to the ripe old age of 80, I think the thing that will matter to me most is what I can contribute to the happiness of others.

(A little poem I like, What Will Matter by Micheal Josephson)

2ea0ede2a7590ee8776ea194730f0783Can I help someone through a difficult moment by letting them know that no matter how dark the sky is and how the storm howls there will be an ending to the storm and the sun will come out again?

No bad time lasts forever, although that is little consolation for the people going through them.  Eventually, circumstances change as they must and all things even tough times come to their inevitable conclusion. Leaving behind a greater inner strength, a stronger character and a human being with more depth and understanding.

 The hope that all pain and despair can have an ending eventually is a message that I not only want to share but feel compelled to print.  Almost everything that I write is around this message, mostly subconsciously, but I have seen the dark, dark night and had no light to mark the dawn. It will mean the most to me to mark the dawn for all those who are looking for a sign of hope. You matter now and you will matter then. We are all connected after all and you are only as alone and isolated as you choose to be.

There is an understanding that we see in aging for many people that there is a gentle failing of the power of youth, that fades over time, and the physical promise of a young person is slowly but inevitably replaced with a spiritual understanding about life and its fragility.

When I am 80 I imagine I will understand this dance, look back and see the errors of my ways and see the foolishness involved in getting upset about it all when all things were working as they should or could.

When you are 80-years-old, what will matter to you the most?

I’m not tryin’ to cause no big sensation, just talkin’ bout my generation!! Even at 80!!

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Life Lessons

Did The Grinch Have It Right?

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GrinchBookSS01I think that the Grinch might have had it right. If we took away the ribbons, tags, packages, boxes or bags, I don’t think that Christmas would actually come at all.

We would not find people singing in a circle being positive and loving. There would be chaos.   People would be in fear for the economy, (by the way, holiday buying should not be an indicator of the health of the economy), angry about their loss of new gadgets, and I think it might lead to a national emergency. The media would have a field day, proclaiming the end of the world or blaming it all on a terrorist plot to end the United States as we know it.

When I was a kid I always felt bad for the Who’s down in Whoville, but now I am not so sure that I was rooting for the wrong side. The Grinch might have had the right idea all the time.

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

It is my observation that this simply isn’t true in our society. I would love to believe that we ,as a people, are more capable of love than we are of being greedy and judgmental, but the facts do not favor this.

angry chrixtmansPeople get depressed, angry and upset far more than they give, love and understand others. If you want to be brave and spend some time in any retail store this year you will find far more faces of worry, anger and crying. There are a lot of reasons people feel badly.  If people can’t buy all of the things that they feel they want to, they feel bad. If they don’t get enough useless stuff, they feel bad. Here is what we should be happy about this time of year.

  1. You are healthy
  2. You are loved
  3. You are able to grow and work toward goals
  4. Your loved ones are  healthy and happy
  5. We are relatively free to live our lives
  6. Each new day is filled with possibility and promise, that it is up to you to fulfill.

None of these things costs a cent  and all people can be happy about them. Wrap that up and put it under a tree this year. I think that if we removed the stores from Christmas, people would protest in the street.

Christmas Doesn’t Come From A Store

In the end, the feeling surrounding Christmas can not be bought, and it is simply valuing people over material things. If that were popular more people would have a merrier Christmas.

No matter how much money we spend, or material things we receive, it will

Magic in your Heart
Magic in your Heart

not make you a better person in any way. Giving should be our motto, accepting the love from others, and being grateful for all that we have in our lives will make the Christmas Season special.  Give the gift of your time, your humor, your intellect or your kindness to someone and that will build a cheer that will last all year long.

So even if I decide to root for the Grinch and take away Christmas, I know that should not really happen because somewhere, there is a child who feels the magic that this season can bring. Christmas is for children and I wish there was a way to keep the magic and get rid of the commercialism. That would truly be a Christmas miracle.  Neither the Grinch or myself could be upset about that.