Tag Archives: Disappointment

22

Stuck Energy

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 Anything offering resistance will create energy blockages or stuck energy, which also applies to your emotional state. 

It is a battle of wills most days regarding the circumstances we see and the perspective we want to see. Resistance is the refusal to accept or comply with something or attempt to prevent something from happening. Your strength can come from action or argument. Things are not left to unfold as they should because we have a set outcome we would like to see in our heads. When you have this outcome in your mind, all other results are unacceptable and will cause a problem in your reality. It is hard to know what you want, set an intention to get it, and only accept one path to get there. Learning to see our resistance to things is vital to growing as a person. Resistance is futile when it comes to seeing the results of events. They will happen eventually, the way they are meant to be. You can fight against them and dislike the results, or you can learn to enjoy the ride. It is also true in accepting things in life. They may seem like “bad” things at first, but all items can bring good to your life in time. Work with them.

Expectations Limit Us

All of us create expectations. This creation means we believe a specific outcome will be the result we will see. Regardless of whether or not it is realistic, the consequences of situations we are involved in are predetermined in our minds. Any other outcome would cause disappointment, even if it were better than you hoped. Our expectations can limit our happiness and stop us from enjoying the good things coming into our lives.

There is an element of control that exists in our expectations. We try to devise what we see as the best possible outcome and then manipulate the world into that tiny, limited mold of options. But life is neither low nor inadequate, and you can’t possibly know all of the variables and potential outcomes perhaps experienced. You can’t control the Universe as much as you would like to. Not for yourself and certainly not for others. Control is a limitation to what you want; it will create situations where you are blocking good things from entering your life. Learning to let go of the control you wish to see in the outcome of your experience can allow more incredible things than you can imagine to enter your life.

Beliefs Cause Resistance

In our development as people, we create beliefs based on our experience and the information others tell us. These ideas bring us to think that a specific outcome will result from a situation even though there is no substantial proof that this will be the case. In this way, we believe we have the world figured out, and the cause and effect relationship of our lives will lead to the desired future results. In short, if I do x,y, and z, then the result will be fixed and predictable. Wouldn’t it be nice if the world worked like this?

The future is continually changing, and there is no way to predict or control what is coming your way. You may be able to do it once or twice even, but to do it consistently is impossible. Understand that our beliefs can and will change as our experiences in life grow. We are going to move toward becoming our potential. Suppose we are not cut short by our mortality. Being limited in your beliefs will lead to resistance to anything outside of them. Resistance leads to a stoppage in whatever you are trying to create. Work on being fluid in what you believe.

Bottom Line: Resistance=Disappointment

If you choose to be ridged in what you believe and the outcomes you will accept in the flow of life, prepare to be continually disappointed. People cannot consistently control all things and people in the world. Those we are close to needing to make their own decisions and have unique experiences. It isn’t up to us to choose for them. Good, bad, or neutral life’s

The rural scene at sunset

experiences are meant for growth. Let the experiences provide what they will, and don’t develop fixed expectations of what you will accept from them.

Resistance to a particular outcome can only lead to disappointment. Life happens, experiences occur, and we can choose to move with the results, or we can choose to resist them. Our choice will rarely change anything, so energy spent in this way seems to be a waste of time. Although it would be great if we could control things the way we want, life would never be able to teach us anything new, and growth would be impossible.

Accept the flow of things and allow them to happen naturally without resistance from you. Learn to take the lesson and become a more productive person as life experiences teach their classes. It’s up to you if you enjoy the ride or not. Resistance is not only futile, and it is a waste of energy. 

“Resistance is thought transformed into feeling. Change the thought that creates resistance, and there is no more resistance.”

“The mind commands the body, and it obeys. The mind orders itself and meets resistance.”

“What is happiness? The feeling that power increases – that resistance is being overcome.”

“The path of least resistance makes all rivers, and some men, crooked.”

“Fear is only inverted faith: it is faith in evil instead of good.”– Florence Scovel Shinn

 

 

22

Our Dashed Hopes and Expectations

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Disappointment – the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.

Things sometimes don’t work out the way you planned. Events occur in our lives, building up high expectations of what might happen, and when they come crumbling down and don’t work out the way you thought they might. Like many things, we have no control over some of the challenges we face, and we only have control over how we react to it. Disappointment is a part of life, and positive learning to deal with it is part of being a healthy, well-adjusted human being. It all starts with your thoughts, words, and actions around every disappointment you face.

Origin of Disappointments

Being disappointed comes when things don’t live up to our expectations. We all build attachments to scenarios we would like to see. When those things don’t happen the way we envisioned, our accessories are broken, disturbing, and upsetting. In our minds, this is a loss of something that we had already created through hope. A new job you were sure you would get, or the relationship you knew would never end, they disappear, and you are left with the pangs of disappointment. It has been happening this way throughout our lives, and we have learned to build up a system of protection against a blow.

It could have been something your parents did or something that happened in school or life somewhere, but when you were a kid, at some point, you got your hopes up and built attachments to the outcome you wished to see and were disappointed by the result. This disappointment caused you to build defenses against getting your expectations up or always expecting the worst. That way, you could never be let down, only pleasantly surprised if things worked out. You can answer honestly if this is still a pattern in your life now. Fear of being hurt, we never believe great things can happen. But they certainly can, if we can move past the attachment to something outside of us and look at the great things inside us.

Overcoming Disappointment

Life is an inconsistent experience. It loves you one minute and leaves you locked outside in the rain the next. We need to look for the hidden opportunities that come our way when things don’t work out the way we think or hope they should. For example, you apply for a job you think is perfect for you and give you all of the things you are looking for. You start building scenarios in your mind about it, and soon your attachments have you thinking it is your destiny and the most desirable outcome for you. Then you find out you don’t get the job.

The reasons you don’t get the job could have nothing to do with you. Somebody knew somebody. They were more experienced. They wanted someone older or younger or taller or from a different country. Whatever the reason, we often get so disappointed with not getting the job that we don’t see the opportunity sitting there. Now you can move on to find the place you do belong to. You may look somewhere else you would never have thought of, and in that place may lie your destiny. There is no sense of feeling bad for too long. Life is going to go on and give you the experiences you need. Learn your lessons, and keep looking for opportunities. They are always there waiting for you.

Don’t take things like this personally when they have very little to do with who you are.

Experience

The result of facing and overcoming disappointments in life is where experience comes from. Life is a game, and it continually puts you through situations to make you better at playing it. In the words of the Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want, but you can get what you need.”  Most times, we are not the judge of what we need, and we will take the easy way, even though the more difficult choice may be best for our long-term wellness.

Some look at challenges as punishment and wallow in their disappointment. But those who find success are the ones who see the problem as an opportunity to grow, follow, and become the best version of themselves we should all be striving to become.

It will all begin with an increased awareness of our thoughts, words, and actions around the disappointments we face in life. Look for the opportunity for growth, and don’t take it personally. You can only control what you think, say, and do. Other people’s choices and actions are theirs. Let them deal with the result of not hiring the best person in the world for their job.

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”~  Eliza Tabor 

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~ Unknown     

 

21

Suffering

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It was pointed out to me today there is a slight misconception about my perspective of life. I write about my philosophy, which is one of self-improvement. Some seem to miss life is full of challenges that cause suffering in my experience virtually every day. In the past, I had fewer tools in my toolbox to deal with them, but I have dedicated myself over the past ten years to become better at handling these learning moments and being able to have a more productive and enjoyable life. To be clear, I am not happy all the time. In fact, over the past year, I would suggest there was a lot more “unhappy” in my emotional vault. But the hope is that I am not stuck with the suffering. I can overcome it, learn a lesson, and become a better person because of it. You can make conscious choices, which will allow you to find meaning in life and even enjoy the process if you open your mind to them. These are the processes I am writing about, not a “pie in the sky” ode to unconditional happiness. Here is what I have learned.

I am Responsible

Every person in the world makes a thousand decisions during each day we live. We decide everything from which clothes to wear to treating a rude person we stand in line next to at the bank. My life is no different. I make many decisions and try to make them with honesty and integrity at each moment. I don’t always make the best choices. Sometimes I eat things I shouldn’t. Sometimes I say the wrong something at the wrong time. There are even days I run a red light if nobody is around. But the one thing I always am is responsible for my choices in every way.

If I am not reaching my body weight goals because I choose to eat things not healthy for me, it is because of my poor decision. I can’t blame the food or the time of day I felt weak. Or the fact that I was feeling down because something negative occurred. No, I alone am responsible for the choices and have to accept the consequences. It is my responsibility, even if my favorites don’t bring the most desirable results. Sadness, regret, worry, anger, and other negative emotions are a part of life. But I think many don’t read here that it is your most important choice of how you choose to deal with them. You can allow them to make you bitter and angry, or you can want to learn, develop, and become a better person. I hope that the better person is the result of my suffering.

We are Not Supposed to Be Anything

The idea we are supposed to be happy all the time is unrealistic for anyone. Some may think we are supposed to feel joy and wonder about our situations, but that isn’t realistic. I have written many times that happiness is a choice, and I believe it is, but that doesn’t mean you walk around with blinders to the weak treatment others send your way or the poor feelings about yourself and the job you lost, or the disappointment you feel. I know there is no “right” way to feel at any moment.

We are not supposed to be happy, joyous, intelligent, winning, sad, disappointed, or angry. All people will, at some point, have to deal with all of these emotions, and they will do to you what you allow them to do. The thing is that how you choose to deal with them is your personal choice, and I have had to do this continually throughout my life. Do I get bitter because someone was dishonest with me? Do I carry a hatred inside for someone who has harmed me? It would be easy to do sometimes, but it wouldn’t represent the kind of person I strive to be. That is why I write about things like the power of forgiveness, how fear affects us, guilt, and dealing with our emotions. Not to discount the negative things we all deal with but to provide a path for hope for something better. It is a choice we all make for ourselves every day. There is nothing you have to be to be healthy. Just be yourself.

Darkness Walks with Light

I have thought of the events the past year has brought over and over again. It amazes me to see the balance of dark and light in my life. If you look at the people who have entered my life, left my life, and just influenced me, there is a positive balance between light, which was enjoyable, and darkness, which, of course, was not. Moments of joy, wonder, understanding, caring, and love found a check from equal moments of pain, disappointment, fear, anger, and disillusionment. It makes you wonder if the light is worth it that maybe we should live in a shady area in between where there are no great things but no horrible things either.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work without contrast. Darkness provides a method of accomplishment; light never could. My experience with night has driven me to seek harder for the light and accomplish what before would have been impossible. The sun makes you get comfortable, like a beautiful warm blanket. It envelopes you and makes you never change. Change is inevitable and constant, so those things don’t go together. I had to learn to lift the blanket, forget the warmth, and dive into the cold of the darkness. This challenge is not something I write about often because the real lesson isn’t to embrace the difficult but to keep moving forward and maintain a sense of hope for the future. Find dignity in life despite things not being comfortable. The desire is there is more light in your future, and positive choices at this moment might help bring that about.

Being My Best

In the final analysis, I look at the idea that writing about being at peace and understanding that there is happiness in life available all the time is not a weakness or, worse unrealistic. A person can choose to look at their circumstances and see the problems. They can also look at the general state of chaos in the world and feel a sense of despair. But what will all that negativity in the costume of reality bring you? I am not powerful enough a person to solve all of the world’s problems, or even to make anyone else’s life better if they choose not to want that but………. I can make some other choices.

There are small things I can do every day to make my little part of the world better. Make simple choices to treat people with respect, kindness, and caring in day-to-day interactions. To try not to put any difficulty on people that have value to you. I strive to become the best person and succeed in life, equal to my talent and ability. To raise and fall in life and on the journey to my destiny to experience happiness. Joy is a choice I am making, proudly and thoroughly, and I hope that the great people I know have the strength to feel pleasure.

“Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.” ~Ram Dass

“Suffering by nature or chance never seems so painful as suffering inflicted on us by the arbitrary will of another.” Arthur Schopenhauer

“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life. “Horace

 

“Suffering is a corrective to point out a lesson which by other means we have failed to grasp, and never can it be eradicated until that lesson is learnt.” Edward Bach

“It is by suffering that human beings become angels.” Victor Hugo

“Suffering is the positive element in this world. Indeed it is the only link between this world and the positive.” Franz Kafka

“It’s at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys.” Emil Zatopek

“When suffering comes, we yearn for some sign from God, forgetting we have just had one. “Mignon McLaughlin

21

Overcome Failure

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Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Nobody in their right mind would ever set out to fail because accomplishment is what people have been programmed to strive for. Yet, I look at our society, and I see a significant fear of failure in the eyes of most.  It has been bred from our earliest school days, “Do what we tell you and succeed,” “Never try something your not sure of, or you might fail.”  I think that history is full of people who have seen their share of disappointment and failure. Yet, these initial setbacks worked as a springboard to future success.  Failure is never fatal. Quitting is. Why is it that our educational systems seem to fear failure so?

A Harsh but Effective Teacher

learning from failure
At First You May Fall

Failure is a word that has negative connotations attached to it.  Nobody wants to be seen as a failure, associated with a failure, or even admit that they have experienced failure.

The perception of being a failure can harm different parts of our society, from stock market prices to the power of a celebrity at the box office.  Being a winner is preferable to being a loser. Yet, it is a fact that sometimes we all lose.

However, if you spend a little time looking at the lessons that you learned over the expanse of your life, you probably learned a lot more from the losses you experienced than from any other teacher you have ever had.  Failure is not fun to experience, but learning to deal with it and rise above it is one of the most valuable tools you will ever acquire.

Failing Can Open Doors of Opportunity

Once you learn this lesson, no goal is too far from your

finding success in failure
But You May Find Inspiration

reach.  Once you take ownership of what has happened and recognize why you fell short, you can take steps to continue working to achieve that goal. Often your ultimate success was driven by that initial faltering attempt.

One of the best things about becoming involved in athletics as a child is learning how to overcome setbacks in a controlled environment, learning valuable life lessons safely. These lessons are directly applicable to life. You will not always get the job, sometimes there is criticism of your work, and you don’t always win.

If you keep striving to win, though, and you evaluate your shortcomings honestly, then a person can overcome almost any failure and find success in the end.  That success can extend to any part of your life.

Why Are We So Afraid?

Thomas Edison quote on failureIt seems like today and parents are so involved in their kids’ lives that often, children are not allowed the freedom to fail at anything.

Either because they never want their kids to feel bad, or the parents are living vicariously through the accomplishments of their young ones.

Either way, kids are often taught that everyone is a winner and participate in non-competitive games, which sends an unrealistic life lesson because life is not that way.

Life has a way of testing you and finding out what you are made of.  Life is a game that you can’t win, you can only play it, and a healthy part of it is that sometimes things will not work out for you.

I would think that if I had never understood this that the first time failure came to me, I might have a nervous breakdown and never recover.  Yet, the hope of accomplishment and greatness keeps people marching forward, despite the risks of failure and the pain involved in not getting what you want.

If you work toward a goal, then you will have an opportunity to achieve that goal.

Give It A Shot, Then At Least You Know

When it comes never to try, you will avoid experiencing this failure, but you will also never learn the lessons that failure inevitably teaches you.  All things are not accomplished quickly, but if we persevere, we can achieve almost anything.

failure is not final
Great thought!

Never trying is way worse than failure. You will never know your capabilities unless you test yourself.

You will never improve physically, mentally, or spiritually unless you push yourself a little.  When you push yourself, sometimes you fail.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back to it. Learning this lesson will be one of the valuable experiences you will have.  And at least you will know, definitively once and for all, what you are capable of.   You are a great human soul with unlimited potential and effort, and fearless acceptance of the consequences will take you there.

Which is worse, failing or never trying?