Tag Archives: Forgiveness

21

Heal

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When you have a physical injury, a broken arm, or a cut or laceration, it is common sense to know that it takes time to mend that wound and restore you to health. The same is also true for other injuries of the heart and mind. We injure in many ways through the simple course of living life and experiencing the loss of things we care about in life. Relationships and the people we rely on leave the most significant marks when they change, end, and leave our lives. They leave wounds behind that are just as real and often more severe than the physical ailments mentioned above.

It has long been said that time will heal all wounds, and that is often the case. However, we will never be the same person again, which is challenging for most people. We liked the way things were before and didn’t want them to change into something else. But the reality is they did, and all they left behind is the scar on your soul that only you can see and feel. But like all things, there is a time to heal: a time to grow and move on.

The Space Inside You

When one thing leaves your life, it creates a space for something better to enter and fill that space inside of you. However, this is not a smooth transaction to make because our minds often fight against this. We remember the right and long for the security of the past. Realizing the harsh reality that something is over and it is time to move on to whatever is next is difficult to do. Much of it has to do with your focus. Imagine you are standing in a room occupied by yourself and the person you loved, or the thing you enjoyed. The room has many doors, and the one you love just left through one of them. This loss leaves you alone in the space of that room, staring at the door, waiting for the person or thing you care about to reenter the room. But no matter how long you look or how much concentration you place on it, nothing happens. You are in the space of that room alone with the memory of what just left you.

What about all of the other doors in your room? Each one represents the possibility of something better that can enter your life at any moment. It could be a new person who brings you the understanding and motivation you need to become the best version of yourself. It could be an opportunity to grow that you wouldn’t have entertained before. It could be both at the same time entering into your life, and all you had to do is allow them to enter through the doors they naturally come from. Step back, take a breath, and allow the best things for your present to join you. Let the past go. Let those that hurt you go. Close that door and move on.

Healing Inside Out

Every person in the world, all the people you have ever met, and all you will ever come into contact with have endured suffering of some kind. Remember that when you are going through your daily life and judging others for their behavior. It doesn’t make poor actions acceptable, but it provides a doorway for understanding and compassion. Each of us has to process our suffering in our way. No book will accurately tell you what to do because pain involves our challenges and loss. It is as unique as a fingerprint and identifies us as who we are. The only way we can heal is to recognize what happened and the fear it creates inside of us. If this can happen now, what might happen in the future? How can I find the strength to love again? Trust again? Believe again? Trust my instincts again?

The answer to these questions lies inside, in the thoughtful evaluation of what happened. We all want to know if we are strong enough to survive the loss we are suffering. We also have to find out if we are enough for the world and those who live in it. Just being ourselves, can we ever make ourselves happy and fulfill the life of someone else? The answer will only arrive if we put the fear to the side and try to step past it. That step may be to trust someone again. It may be to trust yourself again. To find your sense of humor and use it to enhance the lives of those you come into contact with. It takes courage and strength to do this, so when you do, you will find out precisely what you are capable of as a person and what you are not—a precious and challenging thing to know.

Is it Time For You?

You will know when it is time for you to move forward when you do. Until then, you will be reexamining the past, wallowing in the mistakes, and living in times that existed before rather than focusing on what might be in the future. That sounds simple, but it is the truth of the matter. You have made mistakes in the judgment of others and trusted the wrong people. What did you learn from this? What positives can you take forward in your life? It is easy to be negative and carry anger in your heart for those who have lied to you or deceived you. But that is only going to limit your potential to grow.

Forgiveness is the path to healing. Forgive the people who have hurt you because they are who they are. Just because you thought or wished they were someone else changes nothing. People are who they are. Forgive them for hurting you, and forgive yourself for trusting them and allowing them to do that to you. It is the healthiest thing you can do. It also determines what your character consists of. You can’t control if someone else accepts deception, dishonesty, or just lack of expression as a norm of life. Understand the scope of what you can control is within the confines of your physical and mental realm. Forgive and move forward. There is nothing else we can do but wallow in self-pity and live in the past that no longer exists. Choose to heal from the inside, and the outside will reflect the more favorable result. Knowing that you are better as a person and more reliable than you were before will allow you to do the things you dream of and to become the best version of yourself.

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” Tori Amos

“We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.” Max de Pree

“It’s when we start working together that the real healing takes place.” David Hume

“The place of true healing is a fierce place. It’s a giant place. It’s a place of monstrous beauty and endless dark and glimmering light. And you have to work, really, really hard to get there, but you can do it.” Cheryl Strayed

“To me, forgiveness is the cornerstone of healing.” Sylvia Fraser

“Hate is self-destructive. If you hate somebody, you’re not hurting the person you hate. You’re hurting yourself. And that’s a healing. It’s a real healing, forgiveness.” Louis Zamperini

“It’s time to start thinking differently about money and debt and start the healing process – and the process toward wealth and freedom. ‘Freedom from Bad Debt’ can get you started.” Robert Kiyosaki

 

21

Carry The Weight

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When the mind refuses to accept a situation, we create and carry negative feelings toward other people, or we project to have hurt us. We take this pain, hurt, and anger for a long time, and it will harm you. The negative emotions we carry toward others still reside inside of ourselves and contribute poison to your life. Those we hold in anger without forgiveness will cause us harm to ourselves. Like all things in the world, we have three choices, change it, accept it, or leave it. That is all there is. The weight that you carry around because of the poor behavior of others is either going to weigh you down or push you to new heights of growth. You are going to take that weight as far and as long as you choose to.

Our Grief is Weight

Suffering is a part of life. We feel sad, unfortunate, unhappy, disappointed, and dismayed by many things throughout our existence. Grief over a loss is natural, and all change brings a bit of damage to you. Even if the difference is good, a new job, a new relationship, or you win the lottery. You are still going to have to say goodbye to the experiences you have been living. The people at the old job. The routine you followed, the places you got your coffee. All have to be let go, and there is a bit of grief there. The bigger disappointments bring pain too. Those are the grievances we have a hard time letting go of in my experience. The unjust firing, the bad break, the wrong someone did to us. The death of a loved one. The traumatic experience we have endured.

The other person was insensitive to you and said something you can’t shake. The time you were blindsided by someone you trust. The traumatic accident that permanently changed your life. The job you were laid off from without any warning, causing a career change. All of these things contribute to the weight you are carrying around on your back. All of these lead to anger, frustration, and fear that can become a hefty and cumbersome weight to carry around. Yet, we would instead carry these burdens rather than release them with a simple act of forgiveness.

Being Present Leaves the Weight

This moment is all we have, and when you are focused on that, it becomes easier to leave the weight of past hurts and perceived transgressions behind us. Too often, we live our lives in imaginary lands of revenge. Looking for the moment, we can even make somebody pay for what they did or how they treated us. These are all fantasies of the future, which are a waste of time. They only make the weight you are carrying more substantial and more noticeable. Or perhaps you are reliving the experience with regret and thinking things like if only that didn’t happen. Or if I had just been more intelligent, more vital, luckier, or whatever.

The past is over like any other thing you have ever experienced. Some of it was great, some of it was not. That is the path we all walk. Forgive those who have harmed you and forgive yourself; the weight will be put down. Don’t waste time looking for ways

Let it all go; see how high you can fly!

for payback or for getting even.

Accept where you are and look for the way to be the best person you can be, and it comes from living in the only time you are guaranteed. This very moment. You have to carry the weight, but you choose how heavy the burden is going to be.

“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”

“When a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive.” –Nelson Mandela.

“Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.” –Hannah Arendt

“Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals.” –Thomas S. Manson

“There is nobility in compassion, a beauty in empathy, a grace in forgiveness.” –John Connolly

 

21

Attitude Adjustment

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Recently, I have been reminded that no matter how much you focus on the positive, there will still be moments when you are going to feel some negative emotions. They may be a rare occurrence, but they do happen in everyone’s life. Rather than be held hostage by negative emotions, I look for ways to leave that negative mood behind and move into a more personally valuable space. Accomplishing this is not easy because once you let the gloomy thoughts into your area, they tend to take over and dominate your thoughts, words, emotions, and actions, negatively affecting your life and all those in it. The great news is none of these thoughts patterns are permanent, and some simple things can help you find a better space.  Our moods are energy, and we have the power to shift our energy at any time.  Be assured that an attitude is as permanent as the thoughts you decide deserve your focus.  You can turn it around, and here is how.

Learn the Positive Opposite

One of the easiest ways to change your emotional state is to recognize the negative and focus your attention on its positive opposite. When a situation occurs and stirs up negative emotion, first, understand what is happening. You know that you feel anxious, angry, upset, worried, mean, or some other feeling on the opposing side. Once you identify the emotion, you will want to understand what is making you feel that way. Some situation has brought on negative thinking.  Understanding this will provide insight into what you need to work on for yourself and better deal with future problems.  Once you have pinpointed the negative emotion that is permeating your mind, immediately identify with its opposite. If you are feeling anxious, focus on things that calm you.

To be calm is a challenge because negative moods and emotions are much like quicksand; they suck us in slowly and inevitably and are not easy to escape. The quicker your action, the easier it is to remove yourself from the negative mess. If you sit there wallowing in it and thrashing about, you are only going to sink deeper.  Recognize the negative emotions quickly. Change your thoughts to the opposite of what is dragging you into the muck. The optimistic view is a sturdy rope that will pull you out of that quicksand. Just keep your focus and be willing to believe you can control how you feel and affect the world around you.

Emotional Shift Example

Let’s say you start to feel about anger coming on.  Something has happened to trigger it and make you think you have to express this anger.  First, understanding that anger is the face of fear helps because you are troubled, life isn’t going to meet your needs. But an immediate shift in thought to gratitude or thankfulness for all the things you have will calm this common negative emotion.

Knowing that life will meet your needs will often assure you that anger isn’t the right path to venture down. The same goes for the emotions of fear.  The opposite of fear is love. They go hand and hand, and love is a many-faceted emotion.  If you are experiencing fear of loss, change your focus to the existence of those who love you.

Judgments

Negative emotions, like the judgment of other people, can result in a negative, bad mood. Many of our decisions are created based on erroneous information provided by the media, movies, or, most often, inaccurate preconceived notions. Judging others limits you.   Acceptance is the opposite position that always is available when judgment comes into reality.  Look at the feeling of judgment, recognize why you feel that way. Let it go and allow people to be who they are.  We judge other people on things that are different from us. Usually, judging occurs to make someone feel better about themselves. Or sometimes, a flaw in another is something we see and don’t like in ourselves.

Acceptance is the opposite of judgment and comes when we realize we are all the same inside, and no matter who you are looking at or what they have done, you are connected by our shared humanity.  All people are just a different version of you. Who is to say what you might do or have done in different circumstances. Focus on spending your thoughts on accepting others as they are and making yourself the best version you can. Each moment spent judging the lives of others is a waste of energy and brings you nothing positive at all. Look to recognize the humanity in all people. Even if it pushes you to the depth of your being, try to see another’s humanity.

Positive Focus

positive focusIn our lives, we always have a chance to focus our attention and energy toward the positive. Even when we allow ourselves to fall into a negative mindset, we can still shift it all around and salvage a day or even a situation. There will be some things that hurt us, and we have to react appropriately, but in everyday life, too often, people allow the negative to dominate their existence.  Sorrow and grief will enable you to experience loss, but when it is time to turn it around, you focus on positive things, triumphant situations.  With frustrations or disappointment, change the focus to patient understanding that all items are continually working, and we can’t see the result of any problem right now.

The positive is always available to you. It takes a focus and desire to move into a positive frame of mind continually.  Ask yourself, what kind of life experience do you want to have?  Remember always that life is a finite experience, and it will all be over too soon. You can choose to enjoy the ride.

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” Willie Nelson

“Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.”- Hans Selye.

 

21

Reflections

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We reflect on taking the lessons and providing value to our experiences.

Recently I had a birthday, which means many years ago, I entered this game of life and am still trying to figure out how the swirl of thoughts, emotions, and corresponding actions connect to build our lives.  I always thought I would have all the answers by now, but life is a tricky experience. You move past one veil, answering some questions only to find there are five more waiting for you there.  On your birthday, I think it is your obligation to yourself and the experience of life to look at the lessons you struggled with, overcame, mastered, or are still working on over the past year.  By assessing your experiences and taking the lessons, they teach with gratitude. It is possible to make even outwardly negative things favorable for you.  So here is my look back at the last year, a reflection of gratitude. Also though this was not an easy year, easy life is not necessarily a good life.

How has my year been?

I think it is best to reflect on the year in lessons learned, and here are a few of the valuable things I have learned. There have been many challenges, a ton of new information as well.  So with all that a great year, I also managed to make it to the gym every day of the year.

Enjoy every moment because life will change, and those things you love may be gone, and there is no way to bring them back.  We are only really guaranteed this moment, and that is it.  If you share it with someone else, that makes it a memory.  I am grateful for all the moments I have shared with others over the past year.

I am responsible for my level of happiness and enjoyment of life. It isn’t anyone else’s fault if I am not happy with my life, job, or choices.  There are going to be times which are easier to be pleased with than others. It is up to us in our experience to choose to enjoy them or not.  Not everything is pleasant, and there has been plenty of difficulty and pain in my year, but I prefer to focus on the good rather than the bad.  There is always some glimmer of good behind a cloud of sadness.  Seek it.

Deal with your emotions, or they will deal with you. We all have feelings, and they are attached to every thought we produce in our minds.  To ignore them is to ignore a message from your heart. We often get a negative feeling, and we don’t like it, so we move away from it as quickly as possible.  I hope I have learned to move toward it, look at it, and understand it a little bit more.  Sadness, anger, fear, and emotional cousins are not favorable to experience, but they are a natural part of being human and not so scary to handle.

Embrace them, see the thoughts that brought them to you. Usually, it is some residual memory of the experience, and always understanding takes away the fear and allows you to heal. I have recovered a lot this year.  There is minimal teaching provided to us, helping a person learn how to develop emotional health. We are at the mercy of intellect and experience.

Enemies and Friends.  This year I have learned how our thoughts can be our greatest enemies. How we choose to think about ourselves, our abilities and other people control much of our reality.  A change in perspective and the way you feel about things can make your whole life seem different.  The human mind, both complex and pleasant, can only focus on one thought at a time, and you control where that focus lies if you want to.  Where your attention goes, energy flows, and if you are spending time on the negative, you will find more negative. If you spend time on the positive, then you will find more positive.  This focus will determine how you see yourself and control what you can accomplish in life. Your thoughts always and drive you towards a direction you would like your life to take.

Learning is power.  I have increased the things I learn about by merely using my commute time for knowledge rather than just mindlessly listening to music.  Music is excellent, and I love it, but all the thoughts tied to it are from the past. I have started filling that time with podcasts, TED Talks, philosophy, audiobooks, and anything else to teach me something positive. Of course, it has helped me learn and put me in an intensely positive mood entering any day. Which has helped me, and I think it helped others as well.  Learn wherever you can, new ideas, how someone else did what you want to do.  All knowledge makes you better and drives you to new creations and accomplishments.  Learn, grow, be better.  Our growth is never complete, no matter how old we are.

My year was good, like any, I think. There were high highs and low lows. Sometimes I was very good at dealing with things and others. I was a work in progress, and that is OK.  People have loved me, and some have hated me for whatever reason. In the logbook of my life, I think it has been a watershed year and one I will continue to learn.

Am I Satisfied With My Choices?

We make a thousand decisions every day. One of the things I learned about this year is that we make 95% of our choices subconsciously every day, which means our programming is running our life most of the time. If that programming is faulty, you will be continually making the same mistakes, doing the same things which may not be so good for you.  So I have made several small changes I hope will have lasting effects on my success and enjoyment of life.

Time of reflection-  I have tried to add short moments during the day to take inventory of what is happening during the day. One is at lunchtime. I try

Look into the sky tonight and know I am here today, in a year, in ten thousand years.

to take just five minutes during the day to enjoy the moment. Wherever it is. If the weather is beautiful and I am outside, then to be experience happiness about being alive at that moment, looking at a blue sky, or seeing a bird fly by. These things can affect my thoughts and make me happier and feel a connection to the positive in life.   Another moment I have taken is no matter how busy, hectic, or long a workday has been, I take five minutes at night to sit outside and look up at the night sky and be grateful.  I look at the stars each night for just a few minutes, and it reminds me of all the people I have known who are gone. I often wonder how many others are looking at the same sky and having similar thoughts.  Maybe there are none. I hope that after reading this, there will be just one more.  These moments have brought a little balance and daily gratitude to my experience of life this year. I am delighted with this choice.

Forgiveness- I think it is human nature to look at situations that hurt us, be angry at the people involved, and cast blame in their direction.  I have made a choice not to do this. I am responsible for my emotions and the situations I have put myself in. I forgive anyone who hurt me and ask for their forgiveness for anything I have done.  That is a choice that makes me happy. Life is too short to waste being angry with past events. Especially when the future may be the story you choose to write today.  I wish to focus on the road I am on and what might be ahead because the best days are just around the corner.

In a nutshell, I am pretty happy with the overall choices I made this year because they have placed me here at this moment, and that is a pretty great moment to be experiencing.

I did My Best

I have been nowhere near perfect, but perfect is overrated.  In the seams of mistakes, we learn the lessons that allow us to develop our knowledge, skills, and authentic personalities. I hope I have done my best to treat others well, take the lessons of the past, and apply them positively to my life.  I did my best to be healthier both mentally and physically to be fully present in the current moments I have.  In that way, I can enjoy things like writing this or going to the gym later and then just having time to contemplate, read, learn, or enjoy whatever is happening at that moment.  In the final analysis, faced with positive and negative experiences, I have endeavored to be true to myself and remain on the positive side of things. I have tried my best. It hasn’t always been easy, but that makes it valuable.  My heart is at peace.

In the words of Rob Thomas…….. I am not afraid of getting older. I am one less day from dying young………….

 

21

Lessons

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10891894_10152953817908518_7194032913393854931_nFrom time to time we all reflect on our experiences and try to bring some valuable experience from life. It is human nature to look back and reflect on the things that happened and to glean whatever helpful information we can from it. Many occasions and situations happened over the past year, which has given us a new experience or taught us a new lesson.  The year has certainly taught me many engaging lessons. It seems the older that I am, the more I learn, and I look forward to the new year with anticipation about all the things that I will know.  But before we move forward, let me look back at the year and the lessons it has taught me.

  1. Be for yourself- In all that you do, it is ok to look at the experience and determine what is going to be the best outcome for you. If you don’t look to your well-being, then nobody else is going to. Making sure that what you are experiencing is good for you and your future is not selfish. It is common sense. I have found that most situations are designed to work out in your favor, especially if one takes a moment to analyze it and see if it is ultimately for your greatest good.

2. People are Awesome-  Or at least they are if you give them the chance to be. At the end of each year, it is natural to look at the year and think of the people who have come into your life over the previous 12 months and the mark they have made on it. I have been very fortunate to have many incredible people touch my life and leave an indestructible, positive impact on me.  From all areas of life and places I hang around and write like Panera, my life has been altered and enhanced by each encounter. It affects everything from the music I enjoy to the understanding I have about others.

Often people enter your life much like the tide in the ocean. They roll in and cover an area, stay for the time they are intended, and then recede to their origins. Often the things that they leave behind on the beach of your life are pretty significant. Even though few people can remain in your life constantly forever, each leaves’ mark may have a lasting effect. They may make you smile when you think of them or force you to think of things differently.

I have been blessed this year by many tides, and the remnants of their presence will stay with me throughout life. I wonder how many people I will meet in the new year can say the same thing about. I can’t wait to find out.

3.  Living without Attachment- One of my problems is placing an unhealthy attachment to things.  I hope that I have learned how to be better at allowing things to happen as they are meant to and enjoying them for what they are, rather than being disappointed for what they are not. When I let life go, doing my part by setting goals and taking actions, each day brings an enjoyment that makes life a fantastic experience.

It doesn’t matter what you are doing; it will always be good if you appreciate what they are. There are sad things that happen, and you will not define those as “good,” but they are happening. If you learn something from them, then they are valuable. I do not know what the future is bringing, but I look forward to it all.

  1. Getting Healthy is Hard but Rewarding- I am sure that many have learned this lesson. As you reach the end of your rope and know it is time to take control of your health and fitness. No matter your goal, it can be challenging to get to the point you want to get to. Losing weight or just being healthier. The good news is that you will soon be reminded how good it feels to get a regular exercise period in your life. How happy it makes you and how much more you enjoy life because of it. I had the motivation to finally put all the excuses aside and start to get in better shape, and it has made my life a complete experience and has led to some daunting fitness goals in the new year. There is only one way to accomplish any fitness goal: one day at a time.

5. What you BELIEVE about yourself is a choice and can be changed as more information becomes available.

I learned that most people are running their lives based on the beliefs they established when they were very young. These beliefs were cultivated and developed because of the ideas of our parents, teachers, and things as distant as the media. Our beliefs about success, love, and money have been implanted in our minds, and most folks never manage to question these things.

You can change all of these beliefs about yourself at any time that you wish. It takes a simple recognition of your beliefs and how you would like to change them. Let your life experience dictate what you believe and not what someone else wanted you to think about yourself, your abilities, and how enjoyable your life experience is going to be.

6. Forgiveness is vital in moving forward in life. The most important person is that you need to forgive yourself. There is nobody else’s opinion that matters as much to you and your life experience as yours. All people have regrets and have made mistakes; it is OK. Let go of the guilt and make choices today that will honor you, and that is the only thing you can control. The past is gone, and it is never coming back, good or bad.

Once you truly forgive yourself, then I have found that forgiving others is a lot easier.  Forgiveness allows you to keep things in perspective, move forward with life, and enjoy what you experience without comparing or contrasting it to previous events. Happiness is a choice that often begins with the intention to forgive others and, most importantly yourself.

7. Being positive is a choice that you can make. Many people look at positive thinking in the wrong light, I think. It is not only looking on the bright side of things, but it includes how you perceive the world and its events. There is a natural and straightforward contrast to what we view as unfavorable, and how you think is always a choice. If you look at someone and judge them in a negative light, it is just as simple and healthier to accept them as they are. You are learning to practice substituting sympathy for cruelty, love for hate, generosity for greed, or hope for fear. All of these things are simple choices that you make in every situation.  Life will test you, and no matter how hard you try, there will be times when you fail and think things based on bias and prejudice. Each one of these situations provides you with the chance to grow and become a better person.

8. It’s OK to be Afraid

All people experience fear, and it is a natural part of life. How you deal with it is what is essential. Facing what you are afraid of head-on and honestly takes courage, and hopefully, I have developed this type of strength over the past year.  Fear of death, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of what other people think of you and what you do, etc., are all genuine. There is no weakness in feeling these things as long as you face them, overcome them and take actions that you know are right.  In many cases, it does take bravery to be yourself, but that is the only natural way to experience a happy life.

I look forward to the changes and opportunities that I will have to be a better person as I develop throughout the year. This is a very Good Thing.

21

Believing it

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my mind works overtime, sometimes
my mind works overtime, sometimes

 

I developed a post about my core beliefs a few years ago. Since then, I have experienced a lot, but, remarkably, so much of what I believed has stood up to the test of time.

These personal beliefs are ever-evolving, but this is where they stand right now.

All People are Connected

Call it God, the Universe, or whatever your religion dictates, but to me, we are all connected through a divine order.  All people contain the same abilities for great love and an equal capacity for evil.   I believe that the perceived separateness of the world leads to many of the problems we face in religion, race, age, sexuality, or any other label we can apply to each other. Just as many drops fall together to make the ocean, we are all unique pieces of the whole. The more we recognize the same, the more understanding and kindness we can show each other, and the better the world will be.

Practice kindness with all people because you are a few circumstances away from being exactly in their shoes.

Your Actions Define Who YOU Are

Talk is cheap. What you do is the definition of your character.  I have heard the soft and sympathetic words that were worth absolutely nothing but have been blessed by the actions of many great people.  Saying you are something means nothing. Being that thing means everything.

Taking action is the catalyst to all achievements, great and small. Having the courage to go, stay, jump, start, stop, begin again, love, share, understand, give, etc. It is the beginning of anything and will lead you to understand who you are and find your place in the world.

Live in the Moment, and it is all you have

It seems like I have wasted a lot of time, feeling wrong about the past and the things I can never change or worrying about the future and the things that most likely will never come.  When I can live in the moment, I find peace, motivation, enjoyment, love, etc.

Being in the moment and being grateful for all that exists with you at that time is a great recipe for happiness. Plan the best you can through goal setting and dreams but understand that you can’t control everything, and sometimes the things that happen, which seem unwanted, provide unforeseen growth and understanding. They catapult us into places we wouldn’t have thought to go.

Thinking Positively Leads to a Happier Life

“Bad” stuff happens to everyone at some point in life. How you deal with it is essential.  Life is full of things that you define as good or bad. Describing them as positives allows you to enjoy life more, be healthier, and support those you love. At the same time, negative thinking is defeatist and will supply you with the exact opposite.

How you choose to perceive anything will determine the overall value it provides to your experience of life. All things have the potential to work for good. Your mental state will determine how much interest they provide your life if any.

Positive thinking does not ignore the negative, and it should put it into a perspective of positive, as best that you can. It also doesn’t mean that you accept the poor behavior of others. It means that you do not choose to let poor behavior negatively influence you. I can’t control the behavior and choices of others, only the choices that I make. That is it. I try to do better than I did yesterday. That is all I can do.

All People Have Value

Sometimes, this is difficult to remember when I am angry or hurt, but that doesn’t change my belief.  People live differently, make poor decisions, and look differently, but inside they are all valuable. Every person that you meet knows something that you don’t, and that is the thing that is one of the many values of meeting new people.

All that separates any of us from the circumstances of another is mere chance.  At our core, we are all beings of love. Keep this in mind and be patient with others. There are always thousands of unseen reasons that lead to behavior. Don’t be quick to judge a story by the one short chapter you see. Read the whole book so that you can understand things in context.

Dreaming is Vitally Important

Every person that has ever been born has had a dream of some kind. There are no exceptions.  Life has a way of making many of us forget these dreams as we are swept up in living from day to day and the years drift past us.

Dreams of being a musician, a painter, a doctor, an astronaut, a professional athlete, or any other dream you might have had are a good thing.  Dreams help us to set our intentions for our actions. It is never too late to pursue a dream, and whether the dream is completed or not, the journey will be the valuable part that makes you who you are.

When a person takes action, they can make their dream come true.  That action will lead to a result of success or failure. Failure is not an ending, and it is the roadmap to finding another way to find success. Action toward your dream is the only way that you will know what works.

Gratitude is the Right Attitude

Being grateful for what you have in life leads to appreciation. Rather than looking for something else you don’t have for comfort or happiness, look at what you do have and be grateful for it.

There are many benefits that gratitude will bring to life, but happiness and enjoyment are two of the best. Remember that those you love and who love you are the greatest gifts and should never be taken for granted, be grateful for them.

Forgiveness is Necessary to Move Forward

Who hasn’t been hurt? Let down? We all have issues with others, and we all have a choice, be angry or forgive them. Forgiveness is a tonic that will allow you to be free. It isn’t condoning or approving of the behavior of others, but it is an acceptance of what has happened and making a choice not to let the power of that event rule you.

To forgive someone for something they did that harmed you is very difficult. It can’t just be lip service of saying that they are ignored. It has to be inside your heart.  The only one who can give forgiveness is you, and the sooner you give it, the sooner you can move on.  Letting go of pain, sadness, anger, or any other negative emotion is key to enjoying life.

I read somewhere that you know that someone is forgiven when you think of them, and there is no subtle searing inside your heart.  It can take a conscious effort, but with forgiveness comes freedom and strength.

Embrace Love, Avoid Fear

All people carry this choice inside of them. The one you pay attention to will determine the experience of your life.  Focus on the love-based emotions of kindness, understanding, generosity, acceptance, patience, and love while avoiding the fear-based emotions and thoughts of anger, hate, separation, jealousy, stereotyping, and judgment. It can be harder to do than it sounds, but the effort is well worth it.  Our experience is primarily the result of this continual decision. Fear or love?

 

20

Not Holding On

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Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?047882355_6_xlarge

I think that no matter how far along you have come in life, there are always some things that have stuck with you, and even though you think that you have let go of it, you really haven’t.

To be happy in life and to really enjoy the experiences that I am blessed with every day, there is a constant letting go of perceived slights, whether big or small, from others. Forgive the people, let the act go, and release the negative from your life.

Today I am thinking about the process of how I let things go and what experiences I have to let drift into the ether and cease to be a problem for me. It is easy to say but difficult to do when your emotions become involved, and your thoughts make you perceive someone’s actions as a personal slight.  Letting go and forgiving is hard. Be fearless in your forgiveness. It reflects well on you.  Other people’s poor behavior is their problem.

Forgiving and Letting Go

There is a freedom that comes from truly forgiving someone for hurting you. It doesn’t mean that you condone what they did, like it, or ever want to see it repeated. It simply means that you will no longer let whatever someone else did have any power over you. 

forgive It sounds trivial and overly simple, but it is just that.  Just because it is simple doesn’t mean it is easy.  I know that I let some of my own false crosses become a definition of who I was for a long time, yet I learned in the end that what has happened to you isn’t who you are. It is what happened to you. Who you are is shown by your reaction to the situation.

We are much like any tree in our existence,  a tree goes through all types of different weather, but after it all, the tree is still a tree.   It may have lost some branches and may have a few scars on its trunk, but it is still the same tree before, but with more experience. So you are the same person, just a wiser version.  Of course, most of us would like to do without someone deceiving us, lying to us, or just harming us in one way or another.

You are still the same as you.  Forgiveness and releasing was the process for me to stop blaming the storms of life and accept all responsibility for my own decisions. In the end, I am responsible for the choices I have made—nobody else. So I forgive them and thank them for the lesson.

So what Still Needs to Go?

You know if you still have something to forgive if when you think of a person or a situation, there is a burning feeling inside.  It almost feels like a searing sensation that is brought on simply by thought.  Sometimes you can not feel it but then when something comes to you as a surprise that the burn is still there.

 The Universe has a way of presenting you with things you need to work on without looking too hard.  Today I was on LinkedIn, and there was a suggested contact of someone I used to work with.  I quickly experienced this searing sensation but also realized that it was time to let that anger go.

poetry-picnic-wk-19-forgiveness It was inappropriate and almost shocked me that I still have this strong a reaction to someone who was a representation of a negative experience.   I knew it was really time to let it go.

 I took a moment and forgave the entire situation and then let it go. I am not sure I can help with it anymore.  It sounds easy, and it really is, but it is also hard to really do because we tend to cling to our bad situations. They make tremendous excuses for what ails us.

It is a feeling that is difficult to describe; if you truly forgive and no longer blame anyone else for situations and accept them as situations, then there is no longer anger, fear, hate, or frustration.  Those spaces can be filled with other things that are more positive love, acceptance, understanding, and kindness, to name a few.

Letting Go Of  One

This one I have to let go of. I once had a perfect friend I worked closely with for years, and our relationship did not end well.  He perceived things in me that I do not think were true. I feel I was mistreated by him, who was my most trusted and relied upon friend.

 This was a person whom I looked up to and really relied on.  In good times and bad, there was a friend I could count on.  Yet, the last conversation I had with him was devastating.  I was treated to a barrage of forgiveness-card3accusations and hostility.  I wouldn’t mind that so much, but our relationship was different, I thought.  I walked away from that conversation and have never been so hurt in my life.

To hurt me, I am sure, was the intent because he had perceived a hurt.  I was angry for a long time and have let go of this bit by bit over the years, but finally, I had to let it go once and for all.  I allowed a character flaw in another to control the way I feel. I released it. The harsh words, the confrontation, and the negative feelings are all gone and have no power in my life. I forgive him and send love and understanding to him.

I replace the negative with the love for my brother that I have always felt.  There were about a million times I wanted to talk to him and bury the hatchet, mend the fences, but some things are not meant to be, I guess.

In the end, my philosophy can be summed up pretty shortly, that life is a short ride, and to get the most out of life, you have to be able to process and move past the difficult parts to enjoy the rest of the ride and learn and experience what you have the good fortune to experience.  Love is hard to find in a soul that is worried about revenge and payback.

Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?

Forgive and forget. It may not change the past, but it gives the future a chance.

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.

Forgiving someone is easy, but being able to trust them again is a totally different story.

Remember, when you forgive, you heal, and when you let go, you grow.

Do not let the shadows of your past darken the doorstep of your future. Forgive.

I’ve seen your face before, my friend, but I don’t know if you know who I am.

 

6

My Answers for A Stranger

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This week I met a stranger. We talked for 30 minutes or so and then went on with life. In the course of that conversation I was asked a few questions I have thought a lot about. I think you might benefit from thinking about them too.  They came from the heart of young thought and made me look at life and what is important.Each question was really asking about my basic fundamental attitude about life and the belief I have about the goodness of things.  Life has a way of teaching you what you need to know in order to achieve all of those dreams you have circulating around in your head. We ask for many things in life, and often we don’t see the guidance that comes to us because it is not written in clear English.  Guidance comes in experience, feelings and in people you meet every day.  Indulge my answers for a stranger.   Maybe you can take something from it. Maybe you can’t but let’s give it a try.

How do you make life good?

When life happens, we naturally evaluate every experience. We rate it as good, bad, excellent, horrible or anywhere in between. The fact is the things that happen are just things and we assign the value to them. So making life good is a choice of how you look at things. Things are going to happen which are painful, people die, relationships end, injuries and accidents occur every day. It would be difficult to assign a good label to any of these things but if you look at things from a broad perspective and see what comes out of them there is almost always something positive.  It is the stories we end up telling ourselves about the situation that brings the value.

What lessons did you learn? What can you be grateful for? If you lost a loved one, be grateful for the time you had together and the things you experienced.  If a relationship ends, seek the message it is teaching you about what you need to do better in the next relationship. Life always brings challenges because that is its job. To push you and prod you into becoming better. When you ask for things in your life, often times some of the biggest challenges we face drive us in the direction we need to go. We make life good by enjoying the small things along the way that provide joy. There are things every day which do this.  Look for them and appreciate them. Life will be just as good as you decide it should be.

How do you start again when a dream is lost?

When is a dream really lost? Sometimes you will have to start over in order to get where you want to go.  For example, a person had a scholarship to a prestigious college. Due to several poor decisions the scholarship was removed and the dream of attending that fine institution was removed as well.  One could look at the opportunity gone and cry over it. But there are two reasons this will do no good. One, no matter what you did or what happened you can’t travel back in time. And two, if you could have done better in those moments, you would have.

Let those experiences of failures, poor behaviors, and disappointments of the past stay right where they are because the only way they can affect you fully today is if you decide to let them define you.  Others will think what they will and we all have to bear the responsibility for all things in our lives, but to relive the mistake, over and over is going to stop you from finding and achieving the next dream.  More than likely the lessons you learned will allow you to achieve great things in life.  Stop dwelling on what is gone and focus on what is ahead while enjoying the life you have right now. New dreams will arrive in your mind, drams afe what makes life great.

Is life always this hard?

Sometimes it seems like life is a very difficult experience. When you experience loss and you suffer, it can be a very hard thing to deal with. When a person allows their focus to be on one particular thing, it can be devastating when that is taken away.  Life is as hard as you make it and usually it is what you believe about yourself and how you do life.  Take a moment and look for the good around you in any situation. I don’t say this is easy because sometimes when you are hurting  it is hard to see or feel your way around it.  But there is always good sitting there waiting for you to notice it. Nobody can force you to do this only you can make that decision.

Once you have made the choice to stop feeling sorry for yourself and accept responsibility for whatever you are facing, you will start to grow from your situation and understand there will be other battles to fight, challenges to face and joys will find you.  Understanding that life is a long play and not a quick hit wonder will give you the perspective to see the hard isn’t permanent. It may not even exist at all unless you choose to allow it.  Life is not always hard, it provides all of the joy, positivity and kindness you can handle. You have to be willing to look for it and see it. Have you looked for it today?

So as I walked away from that stranger that day, I started to look at my own life and some of the people that are a big influence on it. I am not perfect and allow myself to drift into negativity some times, but there are many dreams I am still chasing on the personal and professional front.  I have experienced some disappointments but I try not to let them affect me all that negatively, and I know that just as the sun goes down every night allowing a chance to rest and rejuvenate.  The sun will rise again in the morning and the new day will bring its opportunities for accomplishment. You can’t grab new experiences if your hands are grasping tightly to the past and it is gone.  Look at your opportunities to follow your dreams in the actions of your day.  Keep a positive frame of mind and look to your personal beliefs about what you can do and expect in life. Each day is a chance to build a dream or tear one down.

DPT

Forgiveness Sets You Free

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Daily Positive Thought Project: Forgiveness Sets You Free

 

All of us have had “bad” things happen to us. Sometimes there are other people or circumstances we can blame for our misfortune. When you do this, you give away a little bit of your power.

When you carry this frustration, anger, and resentment around inside you, it is difficult to function in life as your best self.  You give your power and strength away to whatever or whomever you blame.

Simply by applying thoughts of forgiveness to each situation, you will be able to reclaim your personal power and result in personal freedom.  Forgiveness can set you free.

“Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” Marianne Williamson

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”- Mahatma Gandhi