Tag Archives: be empathetic

Your True Measure

Your actions define you to the world

It is natural for an individual to look at the world from the inside out. The only perspective we have had our whole life is from our own mind’s eye. Often we develop a significant concern for how others treat us in the world. The fear seeps into every interaction we have and pulls us into a more selfish existence, worrying about how people manage us? What is in this for me? What about me? Worrying about how others treat you is a narrow perspective and will limit what you can give to the world. It is far better to build a concern with how you are treating others in your life and the world around you. Being a positive force in the world involves doing positive things for people and encouraging others to be the best versions of themselves possible. It all begins with a conscious awareness of the thoughts you entertain each day—the words these thoughts lead you to utter to the world. And, of course, the actions you take display what your base thoughts are to the world. You will define yourself in thought, word, and work.

Building Your Definition

The job of our mind is to interpret the world we live in. Let’s face it; our brain tells all stories from our perspective. If there is a conflict, of course, the other party is unreasonable and demanding. We are always in the right to us. But are we? How you choose to treat others is a clear picture of who you are, and there is no hiding from it. If you spend your time judging others, then you are judgmental. If you gossip and spread rumors about others, those whispers behind people’s backs show who you are.

Conversely, your choices to be kind, accepting, and caring about the lives of others also define you. Your focus is the key to identifying you in the world. Not what you think you are, but what you are to the world. It is easy to dehumanize someone when you think of them in abstract terms, like demographics, heritage, or ethnicity. All stereotypes dehumanize people and, by your thought, degrade you. How you choose to treat the people who bother you most tells the most about you. We all make a choice each day to do these things.

Being Empathetic to Others

Our ability to practice empathy is one of the tools we have to maintain our humanity in life. Using our minds to project ourselves into another person’s situation allows us to walk around in their shoes. Once you indeed do this, you are much less likely to be harsh in your treatment of them. Understanding how someone else lives and why they do what they do doesn’t excuse poor behavior, but it can allow you to follow somebody. If you were placed in a different set of circumstances, then you might be making the same choices. Bad as they might be.

One action you can take is to be aware of other people and how your work will affect them. At least in a way that shows an awareness of the needs of another person. All people are living a story, and each one is different. You would be a modified version of yourself if you experienced an unusual childhood, growth experience, and moral influences. That is what other people are, a modified version of you. Treat them as such. Understanding, kindness, and acceptance are universally helpful, and treating people this way brings more of these things into your life.

Three Skills to Develop for Treating People well

First, learn to be an active and present listener. When someone is speaking to you, be present. Don’t let your mind wander into what you are doing tomorrow or think about the past. Focus and be there for whoever is speaking. Listening shows caring, respect and allows a person to know that they have an outlet for their thoughts. Be curious, ask questions, and let another speak.

Secondly, when you do speak, be honest in all you say. That is a simple thing but shows people that they can trust you. All of our words should have the stamp of truth on them and allow for confidence with all of those who are listening. Speak honestly and expect the same in return.

Thirdly, in all of our actions, we focus on operating with integrity. Integrity is doing the right things, even if you are the only one who knows it. Treating others with integrity makes all interactions honest and opportunities for growth. You will also be setting an example for all others to follow in their way.

Be Kind

Finally, If there is one thing to focus on in all kinds of relationships, practice kindness in your interactions with everyone. Your heart belongs to you, regardless of how someone else acts; being kind is your choice. Suppose someone else needs compassion to give it. If you don’t think they need it, give it anyways. Consideration is a gift you give to the world that it needs. How you treat others defines you and will determine your impact on the planet.

It will all begin with the primary thoughts you have in your head. The ones you choose to entertain will get the focus in your life. If you are worried about yourself, it will show in all that you do. If you are thinking about others, and their well-being, then that will show too. Also, the words you speak to others and about others will define you. Speak as if your words had magic in them because they do. Finally, your actions will be a clear picture of the world of the way you think and how you feel about things that are happening all around in everyday life. Focus on defining your contribution to the world as a positive one. Your Actions define you.

“Stop worrying yourself with how others are treating you. Just be concerned with how you are treating others.”

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”- Wayne Dyer

“Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people – your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way.”- Barbara Bush

 

Not Fair

 

fair lifeIf I have heard it once, I have heard it a thousand times. “Life is not fair.” I have listened to family members, friends, politicians, and even myself on more than one occasion.  I am here to tell you today this statement is the biggest false cliché, defeatist statement that a person can listen to or accept. Once you accept that other factors are in control of your happiness, guess what, they are.  Many times we don’t have any choice about what happens to us. We have 100% decisions about how we choose to react to things.  Life is very fair, and here is why.

Perspectives of Pain and Suffering

painful experiencesWhen a person says life isn’t fair, they don’t really mean it. What they mean is, I am going through something less than pleasant, annoying, or downright heart-wrenching, and I prefer it when others experience this stuff, not me. But we all know these feelings are a part of life.  I often wish the people I have known were kinder of heart, more intelligent, or just better people, but all the wishing in the world won’t change the past, a situation, or the mindset or actions of people from your past.

Life is so fair that it continually puts things on our plates that challenge who we are, what we believe, where we are going, and who we are doing these things with.  It is difficult to take a broad view when the storm is raining directly on you.  I have been in that storm and felt like each drop was directly meant to hit and hurt me. It isn’t. Having someone disregard you and your feelings are difficult to handle, but when you allow it to play out, you most often end up better off than you were in the situation you are all broken up about.  A relationship ends, you move on to something better. You have to allow it.

I think everyone eventually asks the question, Why me?  The answer is that you are human, and all people experience challenges, and they are sometimes easy to deal with, and sometimes they rock your life down to its very foundation.  No matter how calm and perfect their life seems on the surface, every person in the world is faced with challenges. It is these challenges that often drive us toward our biggest growth.  Otherwise, life would be quite boring. Life is very fair as we are all allowed to participate in uncomfortable things equally.

Step back. When you plug your experience into the giant map of things, perhaps you will find that the tragedy you have suffered is going to make you a better person or take you somewhere you would never have gone.  Or led to the development of talents and skills within you that otherwise would have been hidden from yourself and the world.

Don’t Evaluate the Pain of Others.

monkey barsAnother way life seems unfair to some people is that when you compare your life with someone else, it often seems like they have things much better than you, or they have it so much easier than you.  Stop that. It is a fantasy in your own mind—a monstrous waste of time and effort.  Being jealous of someone else does nothing to change your experience.  All people have experienced challenges, all of them.  Money doesn’t make happiness. If it did, there would be no need for therapists.

The only person you can control is yourself, so worry about being the best person you can be and understand the principle of fairness that makes everyone equal in their suffering. You can’t possibly understand what was happening in someone’s life. They may look like they have it all handled on the surface, but underneath, there is a very flawed person with unhappy, contentious thoughts. Pain is not something people wear on the outside very often.  We all have challenges and experience suffering of some kind.  It is how we deal with things that truly defines us.

Why Bad things Happen

Dali lameThere is no way that I can step back far enough to understand why tragically bad things happen.  It just isn’t possible. However, I believe that just like people, tragedy enters your life for a reason, most often to teach you something.  The problem is that the knee-jerk reaction to most bad things is a healthy fear of whatever has happened.

I think that this is the opposite of what should happen. The initial reaction should be one of love.  Why?  Love brings light into the darkness.  Love can change circumstances where fear merely exacerbates them.  There is no way to understand a tragic loss of life or a promising life cut short by accident or disease.  However, there is always a choice in how you react to these things. Perhaps that is the reason.

Life is funny, and I can’t even pretend to understand all of the secrets to existence and being happy.  I do know that adopting a victim mentality of any sort isn’t going to help anyone move forward, only stay right where you are, usually in misery.

Life is very fair about this.