All people bring happiness to your life, some when they enter and some when they leave. Some are probably a little bit of both. But it makes me wonder why some people are so favorable to you, and others are quite the opposite. One of the best answers to this question I have found is that in all relationships, all parties involved create an unspoken value with each other. Even though we don’t consciously know this, we have been making emotional deposits and withdrawals from every relationship we have ever had.

In short, the amount of trust you have with someone represents a high level of emotional currency in that relationship. You know that you are safe in your interactions with that person. What creates the feeling of safeness? I wanted to add a few examples of how you can understand how to add or take away from all of your relationships. Most people never think of this; look at your actions, and understand more about your contributions.

 One of a Kind

No two people are the same, and understanding what is essential to

Someone and what is not and expressing that to someone is a great way to make a positive investment in a relationship. Seeing someone’s unique ability, talent, and contribution to the world and not projecting onto them what you wish to see is an excellent contribution to that emotional bank account. Understanding someone’s values is a great start. Be attentive to this aspect of everyone you know and deal with to become a more valuable person to them. Who values you? Nobody is just like you, and that is a great thing. It gives you the power to wield. See this in everyone, and your relationships will be better. Also, remember it about yourself.

See How Important Little Things Are

Small things are often ignored, but they shouldn’t be. It is through the little things in life that big things are created. That is particularly true in all interactions with people. A singular act of kindness can make a person’s day and allow all involved to feel positive. The same can be said for simple courtesies of being polite and speaking to others in a considerate manner. These small things can lead to big problems if you practice the opposite. One little unkind choice or inconsiderate act can make a massive withdrawal from the Emotional Bank Account. The small things build everything, and you choose those small things.

Do What You Say

If you take everything else away, money, property, surface attractiveness, all you are left with is your word. Do you do what you say? Or are you a hypocrite Saying one thing and doing another. Not following through with what you say is one of the quickest ways to cause an Emotional Bank Account to reach a negative balance. The building of trust is a slow and steady process, and you can wash all of that away in a quick moment of poor decision-making. Keep your commitments, be a person of your word, and your relationships will find a high balance in the account.

Be Clear About Expectations

Any person will have a hard time dealing with you if you don’t let them know clearly what your expectations are. Otherwise, people will act on guesses and please you based on ideas rather than facts. This causes many misunderstandings at the cost of more positive experiences, and a lack of communication can ruin even the relationship. Either a person isn’t sure of what they expect, or they are afraid to express what they want for fear of rejection or loss. Being honest is always the best approach because a person will either provide what you need or will not be interested in, in which case you know where you stand.

Be of High Character

Integrity is what you do when nobody is watching. This is your inner decency and character. Are you a person of substance? Or are you a person of deception and deceit? Your choices in action and even of thought will determine this in your life. We forget this when we deal with other people as if our ideas and activities are not connected to the way our relationships go. But character is one of the most significant deposits we make. If your integrity is high, you can be trusted, and people know what to expect from you. These are valuable deposits into the emotional bank account and painful withdrawals.

Be Sincere in Being Sorry

Be aware of your actions and how your behavior leads to withdrawals from these accounts between people. Nobody is perfect, and there will be times when misunderstandings are going to happen, and you will harm the emotional bank account of a relationship without meaning to. Open, honest communication is the cure here, and legitimately make a heartfelt apology for your behavior. There is no more you can do, be sincere and honest in your regret, and that will have to be enough. Sometimes it is the only way to apologize and start over.

I am looking at all of the relationships in my life and realizing how I have fallen short in many of them. I failed to provide even the simplest of these things to other parties. It is no wonder that I have struggled to develop positive, sturdy, and long-lasting relationships. I endeavor to do better, and I hope you do as well.

“A relationship where you can be weird together is your best choice.”-  Paulo Coelho.

“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”- Charlotte Brontë.

“Treat everyone as if they were a guest in your own house because, in reality, they are a guest in your world.”-   B. D. Schiers.

“Never ask, “Who is my real friend?” Ask, “Am I a real friend to somebody?” That is the right question.”- Osho