Tag Archives: pain

Lessons of Pain

Few teachers in my life haveledarning is a gift gotten my attention and held on to it quite like pain. When you are in pain, there is no escaping the message. Pain is a neurological phenomenon that is vital to let us know something is wrong. It could be physically bad or mentally wrong, but either way, pain lets you know that something must change. Without exception, the pain ahas changed me with each visit it has made to my life.

Pain is Temporary; Learning is Forever

Rarely is the anxiety a permanent condition; more often than not, it is a temporary warning sign that something is not quite right. There may be some cases where arrow painchronic pain persists; fortunately, I have never experienced this. Physical pain exists when you hurt your body somehow, and although unpleasant, we can heal it with time, therapy, and treatment. The presence of physical pain has caused you to change your outlook on life and your daily physical activities. This is true of a broken bone or a heart attack. The pain will change you permanently and force you to look for solutions to end it as quickly as possible forever.

Emotional or spiritual pain is something else. It is caused by the experiences we have and how they are registered in the mind. All people have felt heartbreak to some degree or another. It is a mental condition
that causes pain inside your emotional heart. This pain is calling out to be dealt with, but often it is too intense to handle appropriately. Many try to medicate themselves through drugs and alcohol, but when the effect wears off, the pain is still there, seeking to be dealt with in a loving and caring manner. The scars that we leave behind are often major signposts in our lives and dictate our future experiences.

It becomes the fear of the pain, even more than the pain, that dictates our actions to self-medicate or behave poorly to others. Hiding from the pain or preemptively eliminating the opportunity for the pain to affect us. Once fear is faced, it will lose its power over us.

This type of pain has, at times, led to many defining moments in my life. From overcoming monumental losses of love. To appreciate the caring and kindness that others display in their dealings with people. If life went along without pain as a teacher, many experiences wouldn’t carry the message.

The value of relationships might be to understand when they are right and to appreciate those moments. We are not guaranteed anything in life, only the moment we are currently experiencing. Pain allows us to live in this moment and focus on the experience we are in right now. Understanding that it will pass and that you have just taken a vital, although painful step, down the road to wisdom, understanding, and, of course, growth.

buddha-quotes-about-life-buddha-quotes-quotes-pictures-quotes-pictures-updated-daily-34593tumblr_mm72n2XIkL1s9u3jeo1_500Sometimes pain can seem like a friend to some. It allows them to know that they are still alive and can feel. If the loss of any relationship is bothering you, pain can always be the sure connection to the one who has been lost.

I have carried the pain further than I had to to keep the connection. In the end, though, the pain taught its lesson and moved on. I had learned, changed, and in most cases, grown as an individual with a capacity to love more for going through it. Although, as I would also tell you, I wouldn’t recommend the entire experience to anyone. Although pain is a proficient educator, the methodology leaves a lot to be desired.

“Sit with the pain until it passes, and you will be calmer for the next one.”   Naval Ravikant

“Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing.”-   Fight Club

“Adversity is the first path to truth.”-  Lord Byron

“One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.” –  Sophocles

No Pain No Gain

no pain no gainNo pain, no gain is an expression many people use to find the motivation to get into better physical shape.  For years I have thought it was a philosophy that missed the mark. Who wants to experience pain? Nobody. But recent experiences have led me back to this phrase and the absolute genius it provides in its simplicity. I believe now that there was much more truth in it than I ever could have conceived. No pain, no gain.

But recent experiences have led me back to this phrase and the absolute genius it provides in its simplicity. I believe now that there was much more truth in it than I ever could have conceived. No pain, no gain.

No Pain No Gain is a Part of Life

no pain no gain overcoming fear“Life is pain.” That is a line from  The Princess Bride, and it is true. Many will look at that statement and think that all we have in life is pain, which is not valid. All people have a mixture of happiness, triumph, disappointment, love, anger, and of course, pain. Yet pain will be a constant part of your life because, in all things you attempt, there is a chance for the pain to occur.

Pain is everywhere. When you love, there is a chance for pain if it doesn’t work out or you lose that loved one. In your job, there is a chance for failure and despair. If you have kids, there is a chance for pain. Whenever something doesn’t work out ideally, there is a chance for pain.

As we all know, life rarely works out perfectly, and the result is pain. There is pain in rejection, defeat, failure, or criticism of others.   It is not the pain itself that stops you from excelling. It is the fear of that pain that does this. No pain, no gain.

Don’t Hide

So that fear can make you hide from the chance of experiencing pain. It will make you find a safe place and sit there hoping that nothing terrible havelock-ellis-quote-pain-and-death-are-part-of-life-to-reject-themhappens. Don’t try anything risky, or you might be hurt. The problem with this is that no person ever found their greatness by hiding safely in the corner to avoid criticism of others. There are many different kinds of potential dangers in life. Each brings its sort of pain, but through this pain, there is also a lesson.

Learn to leave your fear of pain and disappointment on the shores of the ocean as you cast your line and start to sail toward whatever dream it is that you think is essential. No pain, no gain.

No Guarantees Other than Pain

There are absolutely no guarantees that success will come to you. That is life. All you can control is your thought, your effort, and your direction on any no pain no gainday. They will take you to the places that you want to go. There may be lessons you need to learn, experiences that you need to have, or challenges to overcome that will move you toward your goals and dreams. Embrace them and look at them from that frame of mind. Don’t be afraid of others.

Embrace them and look at them from that frame of mind. Don’t be afraid of what others think because it doesn’t matter unless you choose to let it. Learn your lesson and move forward, and eventually, there is no place to end up other than success.  These significant gains are made only through the existence of pain. Be grateful and understand that no pain, no payment is valid in life.

My Notes on The Four Agreements

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is a book I read years ago, and I just came across my reading notes. I thought they were worth sharing. Each of us has to agree with the truth of a thought before it can affect us. Once we do accept, that thought will affect our lives positively or negatively until you choose to change it.  The book talks about fear and how fear dictates what we do, and what parts of ourselves we show to others.  The four agreements are the ones we should seek to create in our minds. Interesting thoughts.

Agreement #1 Be Impeccable with Your Word

Your words contain magic in them and the power to make your life like heaven or like hell. The magic that you wield through your words is either light or dark- a blessing or cursing yourself and others. Too many of our bad agreements about life were planted by the callousness of the words of others. And even sometimes our own.  We are all connected as one.

Agreement #2 Don’t Take Anything Personally-

All the people are living in our dream. You are but a bit part in another person’s vision. Most of what people say and do is because of their lives, NOT due to you, your value, or behavior. The best action is to stay away from the insult or adverse response. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Agreement #3  Don’t Make Assumptions-

 

All assumptions are fantasies made in your mind about the behavior of others. See yourself reflected in the faces of others. Deal with the facts using the pure nature of your words and that of others. Truth is desired; fiction can be left behind.

 

Agreement #4

– Always Do Your Best

A simple thought can change your life negatively or positively. In each activity, each day, in every moment, simply trying to do your best is all anyone can do. If you continually strive to accomplish your highest achievement: you will embody your best to all.

Other Key Thoughts from Notes:

 

-Be who you are NO matter what someone says about you, or whatever they do, don’t take their words personally, and it doesn’t hurt anymore.  You will no longer be afraid to love, to share, or to open your heart.  NO ONE ELSE IS LIKE YOU!!

-Most people are emotionally wound

ed and sick with fear. All people carry wounds in their minds, which are open and hurting. They make us afraid to be who we are.

-Shyness is a fear of expressing yourself, and you may believe you don’t know how to sing or how to dance, but this is just repression of the healthy human instinct to express love.

-We are born into this society, grow up in it, and we are condemned to be like everyone else in it. Playing nonsense all the time.

-Fear leads to injustice- we become full of emotional poison, which eventually we have to release in some manner. Telling someone how bad they are or about all of their perceived flaws. These actions allow the poison to move from one person to another.

-Love is not about concepts: Love is about action.  To practice love is the only way to master it.

-Bad, complicated, unhealthy relationships are based on fear, drama, and the war for control.  The battle for control = no respect and selfishness, not love. “I have to control you because I don’t respect you. I have to be responsible for you because whatever happens to you is going to hurt, and I want to avoid pain.

-Team players play together but not against each other, and you are playing because you want to have fun.

-Track of love- you are giving more than you are taking. You love yourself enough not to allow selfish people take advantage of you.

  • Everyone dreams of their dream. You can control your half but nothing else. Or partner in a relationship is responsible for their half.
  • Know what love is and what is fear: you become aware of how you communicate your dream. The choices you make in each moment determines the quality of your communication. Just by catching the awareness of the track of fear, you can change it. Merely changing your attention can change your world.
  • Love and happiness come out of you. There is no dependence on anyone else for feeling this way.

This book allowed me to look at my dream and how I was not myself in some ways. Following the four agreements can give you freedom. Just the fact that most people are not treating you a certain way because of you, but because of them has been great for my personal growth. It is being a better communicator to other people, not assuming and asking questions and being impeccable with my word and honest with all, and doing my best. The level of my best can change from day today, but I try to give it all, whatever that tends to be on that day.  I recommend this book to anyone who is seeking personal growth and understanding.

Quotes from the Four Agreements

“To be alive is the biggest fear humans have. Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive — the risk to be alive and express what we are. Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans.”

“We don’t see the truth because we are blind. What blinds us are all those false beliefs we have in our mind. We have the need to be right and to make others wrong. We trust what we believe, and our beliefs set us up for suffering. It as if we live in the middle of a fog that doesn’t let us see any further than our own nose. We live in a fog that is not even real. This fog is a dream, your personal dream of life — what you believe, all the concepts you have about who your are, all the agreements you have made with others, with yourself, and even with God.”

“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their on mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.”1

“The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.”

“All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally.”