Tag Archives: holding on

To Forgive

forgiveness 99To live life is to be let down. Disappointment seems to come with the territory. We then have a few simple choices when things go wrong, and we can carry around the anger of being hurt or practice forgiveness and move on. Sometimes other people’s actions are so painful that it seems impossible to forgive like you will be letting the person who wronged you off the hook. That is the same attitude that keeps you suffering and under the control of an event or the actions of others for your entire life.  There are many benefits of forgiveness the will make your life a more enjoyable experience.  Freedom is one, and there are many benefits of forgiveness.

Your Health Will Be Better.

When you look around the internet for benefits of forgiveness, the Mayo Clinic offers a great many

Greater health and energy from forgiveness
More excellent health and energy from forgiveness

physical benefits the process of forgiving can provide. Letting go of the negative emotions surrounding any grudge-holding or hurt is not debatable. They include lower blood pressure, a lower risk of depression, decreased anxiety, improved relationships, better heart health, and a more robust immune system.

All of these were coming from the rational choice to forgive someone. The alternative is to hang on to the grudge and have all of the material things above become a problem, as in increased anxiety, higher blood pressure, more mediocre relationships, worse heart health, and weaker immune system. It seems like a no-brainer for your health to forgive others or yourself and let go of the negative emotions surrounding an event in your life. Your health will be better for it.

Buddha once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Forgiveness Nurtures Growth

It doesn’t seem to matter if it is a relatively small event you can’t forgive someone or yourself for or a choose to growhuge mistake when you maintain the grudge. You are remaining stuck where you are.  Think about it, an event that has happened in the past exists in the past, and as long as your focus is on the past, that is where you will stay.  To forgive and let go of the anger will allow you to move forward with your life. The only way to become unstuck and start to grow is to forgive those we are angry with.

Events in the past are not going to change, and they are what they are. Only your attitude about them can change, and you have total control over them. The person who gets the benefit of your forgiveness is going to be you. You will find that you can create, be optimistic about the future, and leave the weight of the past behind you. You will be surprised how much you can do without all that extra weight of blame, anger, hatred, and lack of forgiveness weighing you down. You can begin to grow again. Without growth, life ceases to exist.

Nobody is Off The Hook

Forgiveness is not weighted. That is, there are no levels of forgiveness, depending on the wrong forgive1committed. You will still be weighed down, trapped by an event or person, and unable to grow until you decide to forgive.  Many people I talk to say that what was done to them was too awful, too terrible to be forgiven. When you forgive, you do not condone or make anything morally right. You permit yourself to leave the experience of the event behind you and to move forward. Nobody is let off the hook by your forgiveness except for you.  You never have to talk to a person to forgive them.

Forgiveness is a rational choice that you make, allowing you to direct your thoughts more positively. It will enable a person to create positive new memories and a life full of happiness and joy, rather than to be weighed down by the negative memory of an event or person from the path. All of the control in your life will move you and away from an adverse event.  You will become a more reliable, more powerful person when you practice forgiveness because forgiveness is proactive. Anger, resentment, grudges, and hate are all reactive.

“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.”— Desmond Tutu

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”— Bryant H. McGill

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”— Mark Twain

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”— Lewis B. Smedes