Tag Archives: Good Bye

Inspiration

Letting Go

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burningFire is an element that represents many things to many different people. To me, it has a symbol of purification. This is because when I looked into the fire, I saw the future ahead of me and the past was left behind.

The Significance of the Fire

There needs to be a bit more explanation than that I suppose.  In life, there are people who come into your life and cause only a ripple in the large tangle of life’s experience. Then there are those that are destined to leave a deep emotional crater, that you are destined to carry in your life.  How much and how long you carry it is up to you.

I started the fire for purification purposes. It needed to be done, a weeding out of cluttered possessions that served no purpose other than to remind me of things that were gone. As long as I held these things, there was the hope in the back of my mind that they would somehow summon those ghosts from the deathly slumber of their existence. It was time for a funeral, it was time for purification.

A Picture is Worth…………….

fire footage
Pictures burned as memories drift into the sky, never to be seen again.

The pyre I started was solely for me to observe and as the preparatory flames burned I said a silent goodbye and started to cleanse my existence of those memories. It was the pictures that went first.  Each happy moment of fake smiles and skin deep beauty were at first singed and then ever so slowly erased from existence.  As they went all of the lies, jealousy and foolishness went with them. Watching them go one by one was fascinating. Playing back entire years of events.  Then wiping them and their cursed impact away.  As the last fake image of yesterday disappeared into the either, candy swirled emotions of relief and fear engulfed me.

Possessions Mean Little to Me

campfireThen it was time for the things. Things that at one time held a vat of feelings and memories of special moments that will never be lived again. Knowing that there was a beauty in the world was great, but knowing that beauty can cut you deep and leave you with nothing but scars and disappointment. Onto the fire went the every single thing that had ever been given or held any attachment whatsoever.  Some of them burned well and caused the fire to burn ever higher.  Some did not, there was a bottle from a special occasion, that only the label disappeared in the wall of flame.

Your Words Showed Their Value

Eyes on FireLast and not least were the words. Words are empty when the emotions that once supported them. Now they are like the crack of a whip every time you read them and realize that they are no more. Let them go, place them in the fire.  Read one final time and destroyed forever.  That is the way of relationships that are born in the fire. They are often ended by the fire. How else could it possibly be?

The cleansing was over, the end had come. The fire went out, the past was gone with its last searing growing ember. Never to be mentioned again in conversation, but the scars remain, not only from the past but from the first moment I looked into the fire.

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The End of The World

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If you knew the world was ending tomorrow, who would you make sure you visited today?

end of the world
The Mayans thought it was going to happen in 2012, yet here we are!

by Jonathan Hilton  Day 54

Knowing the world would end tomorrow would make me want to see a lot of people today, for a number of reasons, but I think that this question is good motivation to look at how we value people and how we let relationships drift away into indifference for a multitude of reasons.

So I am going to split the people into categories and explain the reasons for each.  One thing is for sure it would be one busy day.

Family First

First of course there would be family that I would want to see, so that I could make sure that they were ready for the impending destruction.  I would want to say thank you for all that you did in my life and that I am very grateful for the kindness and that I love them all very much, ask if there was anything I could do for them on that last day.

Each relationship in that familial web is important and I would hope that I could get to them all.  I know how much I miss the ones that are gone already, they are with me every day and I am not sure about what would happen if the world ended, but as long as I was able I would be carrying them with me.

Forgiveness
I have a clear conscience in this area

Friendship Is Important

Second I would want to visit all of the friends that I have met over the years to say good bye and reminisce about good times shared, and all of the funny memories we had, so that I could tell them how much I appreciated spending some time on this journey with them.

There are many friends from all of the different phases of my life and I guess I would have to use Skype to talk with some of them, but if I could I would talk to them.

The people I grew up with are as dear to me today as anyone, because there is a shared experience of childhood that could not be faked or manipulated.  We knew each other, both the good and the bad, and there was a support and caring there that still exists today.  My high school friends shared a different time with me, but still significant.  The ties you make as a youth are strong even if you don’t see each other on a regular basis.  They don’t break easy.

I went to two different colleges and there are two distinct groups of friends there but they are the people that I really grew up finally with and started to learn about the world.   I have nothing but smiles and great times to share just one more time before the world ends.

Then of course as an adult, there were a lot of people I met through the jobs I have had, but not a lot of them were friends, they were coworkers for the most part.  These “friendships” were clearly only for a short time and they did teach me something, but it is the past where I have found my true friends.

This One Goes Out To You

Next I would find the three people who I was ever in love with in my life.  It might be awkward because I haven’t seen any of them in years.  but I would want to tell each of them that regardless of my actions, I take responsibility for them.  They had an impact

peaceful lake
A nice peaceful place for the end of the world

on me and I have carried it with me for my entire life.  Not the bad things but the good times the memories that made me a better person. They still are making me better today.  I am grateful that we shared whatever we shared.

Forgive Everyone

Time is getting short so I would want to at least call some people I feel like there are unresolved issues with.  To tell them that I forgive them and am sorry for my part in any pain they experienced.

Life is full situations that provide you with a choice, I made some that were universally good and some that might be construed as bad for everyone.  Whenever the end does come these petty things are not going to be on my mind. I send best wishes to those who are angry and hope they find happiness before their ending.  I forgive them for anything they did to me.

Finally

That being done, if I had any time left I would go to a spot that was special to me, there are several and await the end of the world with anticipation, and not be afraid in the least bit. What good would that do? The world is ending and there isn’t anything you can do about it, might as well enjoy the spectacle.

Is there any other song appropriate for this post?

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French Fries and a Chocolate Shake

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by Jonathan Hilton

ffandshakeI can remember that day very clearly. I was sitting at the restaurant with french fries and a chocolate shake on the table in front of me, talking with my grandparents about my upcoming graduation from high school.

The reason I recall this day is not because of anything that was said, it was the feeling I had of becoming an adult and that my grandparents approved of the young man I was turning into and that made me feel good.

How did I know they approved? I suppose I didn’t for sure at that moment, but there are many other forms of communication that can’t be ignored.

His Name Was Leslie

My grandfather’s name was Leslie, I always thought how tough life must have been with

This is Leslie, I love this picture it shows his sense of humor, which I have inherited I think.
This is Leslie, I love this picture it shows his sense of humor, which I have inherited I think.

that name, but he did not give two shakes what anyone else thought about him.  It was one of the things that I was often embarrassed by as a kid and one of the things I remember most fondly today.

Thoughts of Leslie came up today, I was thinking about how do you know if someone you love who has passed away would be proud of you today? Leslie died in 1993 from complications from heart surgery.  It was unexpected, it was supposed to be a routine surgery, but there is nothing routine about any procedure as we found out.

I Never said Good bye

People of that generation were serious, they didn't express emotions much, it wasn't a proper thing to do. Leslie was great anyway!!
People of that generation were serious, they didn’t express emotions much, it wasn’t a proper thing to do. Leslie was great anyway!!

I never got a chance to say good-bye in person, and I have no idea how he really felt about me then. He was from a generation that didn’t talk about their emotions very much. You just had to kind of figure it out.  There were signs, but you had to look to see them.

Wondering now as I move along in life, I have faced difficult times. I have made mistakes. I have been far from perfect. I accept that, and I wonder often if Leslie and I could sit down and have a conversation today, what would he say?

I would ask, “Grandfather are you proud of me? Knowing all that I have done and been through.  I imagine the response goes something like this.

“I have always been proud of you, because you are the only one who can be who you are. You never saw my challenges and the struggles I had with my parents and finding my place in the world. I am not sure how I would have done in your shoes. I do know that where you are now, only you could get there, and I can’t wait to see what is going to happen in the future. I love you.”  I don’t remember him ever saying that to me in my life, but in my heart I just know he did. Why else would he do so many fantastic things for me?

Gone but Never Forgotten

That conversation is what I imagine and it affects me almost like it were real and not the whispering of a ghost.  In the end I guess it doesn’t matter, because I have to realize that I am a good person, I wouldn’t steal from you for any reason. I won’t lie if I can help it, (how does my hair look? If it looks bad, I don’t want to hurt feelings.) I would try to help anyone who needs it. In fact, when I look at the things like that I realize,

I am just like Leslie, and that makes me realize that even though he is no longer here, he lives inside of me and I owe it to him and all of my family to be the best human being I can be, including being proud of who I am and what I have become.

That is why I have no choice, when I eat an order of fries and a chocolate shake but to remember Leslie.  I smile and feel happy for who I am.