Tag Archives: Adult

Looking for You

Do you Let Your True Self Shine?

Do You Know?
Do You Know?

I have had to pause to ask myself about my path quite often. What makes each of us unique? Let me tell you what I think. Each of us is born with unique talent or skill that is ours alone. It is given to us at birth, and we need only to follow it to find our purpose in life.

Life isn’t ever that easy, though. From the moment we come into the world, we are met with limits and expectations from others.

Sometimes the limits come from a place of love, like a parent guiding their child safely, and sometimes they come from a much darker experience.

It matters little where the limits come from, and they cause us to be ashamed of who we are and what talent we have.

These “would have’s” and “should have’s” of life make you shy away from your true self, pretending to be something more acceptable. Some who experience abuse early on in life never really get to see their authentic self, making it much harder to find.

Looking For Me

Are You Looking For Me?
Are You Looking For Me?

I have been hot on the trail of my authentic self for much of the past two years. It has been a slow and sometimes scary chase. It all began almost two years ago.

When I realized that I didn’t know anything about life, I was not happy, and like many people hadn’t been happy in a long time.

There had been moments of extreme happiness, and I enjoyed people, but the inner feeling of joy escaped me. I had resigned myself to think that this was how you felt in life, empty and bored.

I was waiting for the clock to run out. However, life had other thoughts, and events reminded me that I wasn’t always this way.

Dreams were a vital part of my youth. My imagination guided me in almost every adventure I had every day, and I dreamed of everything from playing for the Red Sox to racing horses.

I believed that everything that I thought of could happen, and it was just a matter of getting a little older for me to do all of those things. That person was my authentic self, the true me. I was gifted with the ability to dream vividly, and it seemed life was determined to make me forget that.

The Cover-Up

cover upOver the years, the feelings of trying to fit in, not rock the boat, and be “normal” made those thoughts move from the front to the back of my mind.

Finally, they were forgotten, neglected, and abandoned as I got older. I was an adult, and there was no place for dreaming in adulthood.

It was like knowing a secret that you couldn’t remember, but you knew it was a good thing, and if you could connect with it, then all would be well.

Life, however, moves in, and the job, the relationships, and the expectations all jump on top of you and push that authentic identity far back into your memory and may never let it out. Like you are asleep and can’t wake up.

Waking Up

wake upI am not unique because I think others have gone through some traumatic events and are shocked by the malaise of life.

I started to remember it piece by piece, and it is still coming back to me. Like waking from a slumber, you begin to experience life differently.

Each of us is born with an authentic self with abilities meant for us alone. Some people are right to them their whole lives, and others never see their authentic selves again.

Most people spend their early life forgetting and the second part of their life trying to remember. It doesn’t matter who you are or what age you are; there is a unique person inside you that is a mere alarm clock ringing from waking up.

Do you know your authentic self?

“Authenticity starts in the heart.” Brian D’Angelo

“Authenticity over everything.” Anonymous

“If you’re your authentic self, you have no competition.” Anonymous

“Don’t trade your authenticity for approval.” Anonymous

“Honesty and authenticity are a big deal for me.” Scarlett Thomas

“Authenticity: The courage to be yourself.” Anonymous

“Be fearlessly authentic.” Anonymous

“Authenticity is magnetic.” Anonymous

 

French Fries and a Chocolate Shake

by Jonathan Hilton

ffandshakeI can remember that day very clearly. I was sitting at the restaurant with french fries and a chocolate shake on the table in front of me, talking with my grandparents about my upcoming graduation from high school.

The reason I recall this day is not because of anything that was said, it was the feeling I had of becoming an adult and that my grandparents approved of the young man I was turning into and that made me feel good.

How did I know they approved? I suppose I didn’t for sure at that moment, but there are many other forms of communication that can’t be ignored.

His Name Was Leslie

My grandfather’s name was Leslie, I always thought how tough life must have been with

This is Leslie, I love this picture it shows his sense of humor, which I have inherited I think.
This is Leslie, I love this picture it shows his sense of humor, which I have inherited I think.

that name, but he did not give two shakes what anyone else thought about him.  It was one of the things that I was often embarrassed by as a kid and one of the things I remember most fondly today.

Thoughts of Leslie came up today, I was thinking about how do you know if someone you love who has passed away would be proud of you today? Leslie died in 1993 from complications from heart surgery.  It was unexpected, it was supposed to be a routine surgery, but there is nothing routine about any procedure as we found out.

I Never said Good bye

People of that generation were serious, they didn't express emotions much, it wasn't a proper thing to do. Leslie was great anyway!!
People of that generation were serious, they didn’t express emotions much, it wasn’t a proper thing to do. Leslie was great anyway!!

I never got a chance to say good-bye in person, and I have no idea how he really felt about me then. He was from a generation that didn’t talk about their emotions very much. You just had to kind of figure it out.  There were signs, but you had to look to see them.

Wondering now as I move along in life, I have faced difficult times. I have made mistakes. I have been far from perfect. I accept that, and I wonder often if Leslie and I could sit down and have a conversation today, what would he say?

I would ask, “Grandfather are you proud of me? Knowing all that I have done and been through.  I imagine the response goes something like this.

“I have always been proud of you, because you are the only one who can be who you are. You never saw my challenges and the struggles I had with my parents and finding my place in the world. I am not sure how I would have done in your shoes. I do know that where you are now, only you could get there, and I can’t wait to see what is going to happen in the future. I love you.”  I don’t remember him ever saying that to me in my life, but in my heart I just know he did. Why else would he do so many fantastic things for me?

Gone but Never Forgotten

That conversation is what I imagine and it affects me almost like it were real and not the whispering of a ghost.  In the end I guess it doesn’t matter, because I have to realize that I am a good person, I wouldn’t steal from you for any reason. I won’t lie if I can help it, (how does my hair look? If it looks bad, I don’t want to hurt feelings.) I would try to help anyone who needs it. In fact, when I look at the things like that I realize,

I am just like Leslie, and that makes me realize that even though he is no longer here, he lives inside of me and I owe it to him and all of my family to be the best human being I can be, including being proud of who I am and what I have become.

That is why I have no choice, when I eat an order of fries and a chocolate shake but to remember Leslie.  I smile and feel happy for who I am.