By Jonathan Hilton

fair lifeIf I heard it once I have heard it a thousand times. Life is just not fair.  I have heard it from family members, friends, politicians and even from myself on more than one occasion.  I am here to tell you today that the this statement is the biggest false cliché, defeatist statements that a person can listen to or accept.  Life is very fair and here is why.

Perspectives of Pain and Suffering

painful experiencesWhen a person says, life isn’t fair, they don’t really mean it. What they mean is, I am going through something that is less than pleasant, annoying, or downright heart wrenching, and I prefer it when others experience this stuff, not me.

Life is so fair that it continually puts things on our plates that challenge who we are, what we believe, where we are going, and who we are doing these things with.  It is difficult to take a broad view, when the storm is raining directly on you.  I have been in that storm and felt like each drop was directly meant to hit, and hurt me.

I think everyone eventually asks the question, Why me?  The answer is that you are human, and all people experience challenges, they are sometimes easy to deal with and sometimes they rock your life down to its very foundation.  Every person in the world, no matter how calm and perfect their life seems on the surface is faced with challenges. Otherwise life would be quite boring.  We are all treated equally by life.

Step back. When you plug your experience into the giant map of things, perhaps you will find that the tragedy you have suffered is going to make you a better person, or take you somewhere you would never have gone.  Or developed talents and skills within you that otherwise would have been hidden from yourself and the world.

Don’t Evaluate Relative Pain of Others

monkey barsAnother way that life seems unfair to some people is that when you compare your life with someone else, it often seems like they have things much better than you, or they have it so much easier than you.  Stop that. It is a fantasy in your own mind. A monstrous waste of time and effort.  Being jealous of someone else does nothing to change your experience.  All people have experienced challenges, all of them.  Money doesn’t make happiness, if it did there would be no need for therapists.

The only person you can affect really is yourself, so worry about being the best person you can be and understand that the principle of fairness makes everyone equal in their suffering.

Why Bad things Happen

Dali lameThere is no way that I can step back far enough to understand why tragically bad things happen.  It just isn’t possible. However I believe that just like people, tragedy enters your life for a reason, most often to teach you something.  The problem is that the knee jerk reaction to most bad things is a healthy fear of whatever has happened.

I think that this is the opposite of what should happen, the initial reaction should be one of love.  Why?  Love brings light into the darkness.  Love can change circumstances where fear merely exacerbates them.  There is no way to understand a tragic loss of life, or a promising life cut short by accident or disease.  However there is always a choice in how you react to these things. Perhaps that is the reason.

Life is a funny thing, and I can’t even pretend to understand all of the secrets to living and being happy.  One thing I do know is that adopting a victim mentality of any sort isn’t going to help anyone move forward, only stay right where you are, usually in misery.

Life is very fair about this.