I have found forgiveness one of the most difficult things for me to muster up from the bottom of my soul. For most people who I carried low expectations, forgiveness comes easier. We are all learning the lessons of life. It is when someone who I expect more from hurts me that I find it extremely difficult to forgive.
One of the best friends I ever had falls under this category. There are few people who I admired more than him and thought of him as a brother. We worked closely together and although I held different religious views than him, I always admired his resolve to do what was right. He was a moral rock that I could depend on. When I experienced behavior from him that was inconsistent with what he said, it was devastating.
When you depend on someone to be on your side and to support you, no matter what, it is a cold lesson to find that they really don’t live the way that they claim. In fact, their hypocrisy is one of the most painful hurts there is because it is so unexpected. Like a sucker punch from the Pope. It hurts twice as much and is more difficult to forgive, because a trust has been violated, and it is deeply personal. Someone that you could always count on, was now gone. If you can no longer trust them, then there is nobody that you can rely on left in life.
So forgiveness of the ones that you cared about the most is most difficult to grant, but in the end, it is most important. Your heart will never fully heal until you grant this forgiveness, deserved or not because your life needs to move forward and casting off all of the anchors of wrongdoing real and perceived is a must.
Time to sail on to the future.