by Jonathan Hilton
For the past week I have been having a difficult time finding my voice to write again. I remember fondly of the days last year when I could simply see a question, and quickly and easily organize my thoughts, and express my feelings about it. Those were the days, two months ago. Yet today I follow the same format and I struggle to form a sentence.
Change and Growth Change Everything
I have gone through a great experience that has left and unmistakable and long-lasting mark on me, yet I simply cannot seem to write like I used to. This has been a frightening thing to realize. I have tried approximately a hundred times to start writing about the thoughts, and views that I hold so dear, but after a promising first sentence or catchy paragraph, the ideas and creativity would simply vanish, into the either as if they never existed at all. I have the drafts to prove it. Poor ideas generated, developed and lost. It does not feel good.
You Aren’t That Person Anymore
This is when it dawned ideas and on me that one of the effects of experiencing new people and things in your life is that they change you in all ways. They don’t make you better or worse they just make you different. I know that it is called growth, and without the capacity to grow as individuals we are going to wither and die, either literally or figuratively or both.
Of course the flip side of change is that a whole new level of thought and insight is at your disposal. Like coming to the end of a tunnel and busting through only to find a cache of rooms full of ideas never considered or understanding which what impossible before.
My Past Travels in Writing
Reading through my writing from the early part of the year, I can mark my development and growth, like a road map to my thoughts and insights today. It feels much like you do when you look at old pictures of yourself. You remember the moments and they are special but that is not you anymore, you are now someone else.
Here is to hoping that I can adjust to the new me and find the topics that are going to push my growth further along. I am looking hard within to find the content that needs to be explored and the edges that need to be smoothed. It should prove to be an interesting ride no matter what happens.
Sarcastically I say to all of those people I have met and worked with this summer, “Thanks a lot!” Seriously though, I would never have reached these thoughts and ideas without you and the inspiration you brought me by your good and/or bad behavior.
So What Do I Do Now?
Well it seems clear to me that my writing in this space has to move from the theoretical and move toward being more descriptive about my life and the experiences I have had in it. That is a challenge, but a good one to try. Only time will tell if my insights are interesting enough to take a look at or not. All I can say is that all are welcome on this journey and I am always looking for the next person or situation to provide insight and creativity in any situation.
Nobody knows everything but everyone knows something! The right song for this post.